I just transitioned my mom to memory care. Obviously very stressful. She is too unstable to be in an ALF but seems to be more stable than most of the people in the memory care. That is causing her distress.
After much review, we have decided that mom will be better off in the Assisted Living Side. We are moving her again on Monday to a new room where she will have more engagement. Thank you all for the comments. Very helpful.
There was a woman in my mom's MC who was clearly way ahead of most everyone else cognitively, and as she was a retired nurse, she knew exactly what kind of facility she was in and was distraught that her children had put her there.
I really felt for her, but within a week or so, she was in cahoots with one of the higher functioning cliques and happy as a clam.
After they reopened from Covid, she was barely recognizable. That wasn't entirely because of the lockdown, but because she'd declined so quickly.
I have a feeling your mom will find her group (ask the staff to assist with that), but she will likely decline pretty steadily and you'll realize the MC is the right place for her.
Any change, even what seems like small insignificant details, can disorient someone with dementia.
My aunt was still beautiful, immaculately groomed, focused on her fashion choices, capable of interactive conversation with a family member or fellow resident.
The request for the transfer from AL to MC for HER had come from the staff. but even THEY realized that she was actually between AL and MC, and they allowed her to sit by herself (when she wished) in the MC dining room, stay in her room if nothing in the activity area amused her, little gestures that ultimately allowed her to relax and enjoy her surroundings (until the virus).
She came to refer to herself as being in “the hotel”, then “MY hotel”, and would sometimes comment quietly to me about a few of “the doozies” that were living in the hotel with her, then horrifyingly, no contact with me, the person who she still knew as her contact to her earlier life.
By the time I got to hug her again and tell her that I loved her dearly, she could STILL respond “You’d BETTER” and remember my name, but she was reduced to life in a wheelchair.
Now we wait in the twilight, as she lingers from day to day, waiting for Heaven but not quite yet ready to go.
I miss her, but all things considered, I understand why MC gave her the best of what we could have arranged for her.
Those are good ideas. I am not sure what my facility can accommodate but I will ask. Thank you for the guidance. This has been such a difficult decision. The fact that she is a little more aware than others made me doubt my decision but I know it is the right thing for her and for me. Thank you and stay blessed.
The Memory Care staff should be able to set mom up with the higher functioning residents so they can get to know one another...thats what the activities director did for my mom who was in the same position as yours. It wound up working out pretty well, but even as my mother's dementia became very advanced, she STILL refused to acknowledge there was anything wrong with her. She still looked down on the other residents bc that was her nature. She enjoyed feeling superior to others, which may have been an advantage for her in MC, I don't know.
Give your mom a chance to adjust to life in MC. It's not perfect, but if she's no longer ALF material, your choices are limited. Dementia makes everything more difficult for everyone, including YOU, so be kind to yourself.
I really felt for her, but within a week or so, she was in cahoots with one of the higher functioning cliques and happy as a clam.
After they reopened from Covid, she was barely recognizable. That wasn't entirely because of the lockdown, but because she'd declined so quickly.
I have a feeling your mom will find her group (ask the staff to assist with that), but she will likely decline pretty steadily and you'll realize the MC is the right place for her.
My aunt was still beautiful, immaculately groomed, focused on her fashion choices, capable of interactive conversation with a family member or fellow resident.
The request for the transfer from AL to MC for HER had come from the staff. but even THEY realized that she was actually between AL and MC, and they allowed her to sit by herself (when she wished) in the MC dining room, stay in her room if nothing in the activity area amused her, little gestures that ultimately allowed her to relax and enjoy her surroundings (until the virus).
She came to refer to herself as being in “the hotel”, then “MY hotel”, and would sometimes comment quietly to me about a few of “the doozies” that were living in the hotel with her, then horrifyingly, no contact with me, the person who she still knew as her contact to her earlier life.
By the time I got to hug her again and tell her that I loved her dearly, she could STILL respond “You’d BETTER” and remember my name, but she was reduced to life in a wheelchair.
Now we wait in the twilight, as she lingers from day to day, waiting for Heaven but not quite yet ready to go.
I miss her, but all things considered, I understand why MC gave her the best of what we could have arranged for her.
Give your mom a chance to adjust to life in MC. It's not perfect, but if she's no longer ALF material, your choices are limited. Dementia makes everything more difficult for everyone, including YOU, so be kind to yourself.