Follow
Share

I'm really struggling with this one. Don't know what to do. Right now my father is doing most of it for my mother but it is literally killing him.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Dear Dcurnan, I have to agree with you it is not easy to change a loved ones diapers. The first time I had to change my father diapers I was sick to my stomach. I had to do it because I had no help. I didn't even know I was doing it right. I have caregivers now but when one is out sick I have to do it. My father was not easy to deal with because he could be belligerent and fight me all the way. I don't think anyone likes to do this but it has to be done.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Oh, I really can't imagine changing my mother's diapers. I don't see myself doing that, ever. If she reaches the point where she can't toilet herself or at least change her own diapers she will have to go to a nursing home. I'm sorry, but that has been my line in the sand from the very beginning.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

dcurman I could never have given my mother personal care and I am a RN. It was personal I did not like my mother and could not bear to touch her
As others have suggested never stripMom naked. Put something over her like a towel, sheet or blanket and slip the necessary clothes off . You can keep the breasts and genital area covered and wash underneath. If she can roll on her side it is OK to uncover the back and most of the genital area can be easily washed from behind.

There are some helpful videos on U tube demonstrating how to bath someone.
Both you and Mom will get used to this after a few times.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

dcurnan: To help both you & your father, what about hiring a professional caregiver, to take care of all your mom's needs - just during the day for instance? This will decrease the times you have to diaper, etc which might make this less traumatic.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I would not be able to do it. My father had prostate surgery and have to have a catheter. I was there to pick him up at his discharge and the nurse announced that she would show how to change catheter. I started to excuse myself and she pointedly said she was going to show ME how to change my father's catheter. My exact works were "Oh no you are not". I do not need to see that body part of my father's. I have taken him to oh so many trips to the ER and have seen way too many 'gown gap" views that I cannot unsee. There are some things an adult child should not have to do.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

dcurnan, kudos to you for taking care of your parents. Trust me, as awkward as the first few changes are, or even the first couple of dozen, by the time you reach 100, then 1,000 and there's still no end in sight, you quit thinking about it because you don't need to think about it -- your hands just seem to work by themselves while your mind wonders. As they say, "Old age isn't for sissies" and neither is care giving. It's too bad your brothers aren't helping (perhaps they're the sissies) -- sibling non-involvement is a common complaint, but count your blessings if they at least don't interfere.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Dear dcurnan,

I'm so sorry, I know its not easy. But I had to do this for my dad. He did as much as he could on his own but he was just at that stage that he needed help. As the oldest and his main caregiver, I did it. I bought disposable gloves and treated it as a nurse or nursing aid would.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Thank you so much for all youve said. Tonight i got a little farther than i ever have. Im the only daughter, and eventually its going to be all me doing everything for both my parents. My dad helps as much as he can but he struggles so much. My mom has copd and she fell at christmas and broke her back. My dad had a heart attack a month ago so its been rough. My brothers are not helpful at all. It looks like its just me. And my most helpful son who helps me as much as he can. Thanks for the kind words. Im not going to look at it negatively anymore. Im just going to push through. I can do this.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

No, you absolutely are not. I had the same issues. The few times I had to dress my mom, I felt as though I were going to vomit. This was one time even I could not soldier on. We shouldn’t have to see our parents nude. It goes against everythung we believe.

Is there a possibility of home health care to dress and undress her and change her? You can also put a towel or blanket over her until you become more accustomed to this. It’s not an easy thing to do, especially if she has a bowel movement.

I can only offer that if you are the only one available to do this, it will become easier in time. It’s a disgusting and gross job. I understand. I feel the same way about wiping hubby up and washing him. But it has become easier. I do it as quickly as possible and concentrate on the television in the room. I don’t focus on what I’m doing and the indignity of it all. Hang in there, hon. Sending hugs!
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

dcurnan- This is a thing no one wants to do, doesn't look forward to. But- if its necessary, you just do it, and try to allow her as much modesty as possible. This is not pleasant for her either, so it is awkward for everyone. But if you go into it with a negative attitude, it will make her feel worse. You do it as if its like doing anything else, you just do it. You get through it and it will be ok. After you do it the first time you will have more of an understanding, of how you can get it done. Just keep her covered as much as you can, don't just strip her completely naked. there is a way to do it, without embarrassing everyone more than already will be.
Are you the son or daughter?
Is there potential for a caregiver?
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

I dont think anyone understood me. Im having a problem with seeing my mother with no clothes on. Is this stupid and am i being crazy for not wanting to see my mother without clothes on.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

My bedridden husband is around 350 lbs. I have arthritis and fibromyalgia and pushing him over to change him is a nightmare. What I’ve found is easier is to use the Velcro or button on diapers rather than the “pull up” kind that rip when you try to pull them up. The pull up one’s are easier if she can stand and hang on to something. With hubby, i also use a disposable underpad between his legs (folded) and also a pad insert inside the diaper. Your mom might not need all that, but my husband floods the place. I always wear gloves and gather everything I need before I begin, including wipes, diaper ointments, bags (our city is really strict about bagging up stuff like used diapers), cornstarch, soap, wash clothes and towels, and brush or comb. I keep it in a plastic tub.
If they have home health aides, they can show Dad. That’s how I learned.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Can you tell us exactly what it is that is causing difficulty?
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.