Hey, good morning guys, Happy Thursday to you all. My moms pretty ill. She will probably leave me soon. I go to the hospital everyday to be with her until I have to rush home to get my daughter off the bus. I've realized going to see her everyday knowing she won't be with me long is taking an emotional and mental toll on me. Sometimes I think if I skip a day that day is the day she will take her last breath and I won't be there. I love her so much. She can't talk but I know she knows I'm there. My question is has anyone felt guilt for not visiting a loved one? Yesterday my daughter had her moving up ceremony go from 7th grade to 8th grade. This was the first moving up ceremony my mom wasn't by my side. I was alone. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time to do more or say more to her. The last two years her dementia drained me as it progressed but I look back now and say I would gladly deal with the dementia rather than dealing with her being on a vent and feeding tube to stay alive. I miss our long talks before dementia came into our lives. I'm her only child and I feel as if it is my duty to go there everyday but I'm mentally breaking.
Don't feel guilty. You are doing your best, and just keep reminding yourself - nothing you can do is going to change the situation at hand. You can't control or change what's happening - be there when you can, but give yourself a break too.
I know exactly what you mean about how close you two were. I'm the only girl with three brothers. I also wound up with three sons, no daughter's! So Mom was it. Yeah friends come and go, but Mom was my constant friend, advisor, confidante and rock my whole life.
I really feel for you. I agree with the advise above, so no need to repeat it. Consider yourself blessed, some don't have Mom's like ours. 💕
I mention this because despite all of your diligence - your mom might die without you there and I hope you won't guilt yourself - bad daughter. It is how you have treated your mom your whole life and especially now, at the end, that matters. And she knows you love her and she appreciates you. Bless you.
Please do NOT let guilt take over your life. I LOVE CeeCee's question: "The question to ask yourself is this—-would my mom want me to be by her bedside or with her granddaughter?"
If you and your Mom were always present at a particular event, then go to the event. Let the nurses know that you are not coming at your usual time and where you will be in case your Mom's condition gets worse.
Not all patients or people who are sick want their loved ones around when they die because they want to spare their family the experience of death and dying. I have had patients who were very ill and waited until the family left for lunch or to go home and then the patient died once the family was gone from the room.
As CeeCee said, be "assured that if your mom dies while you are not there, that you’ve done nothing but the best by her that you could."
May God bless you and your Mother as you walk this final path together. God is your comfort and your strength.
The question to ask yourself is this—-would my mom want me to be by her bedside or with her granddaughter?
Tell the nurses at your mom’s hospital when you won’t be coming for a visit. They are trained to know when the end is near (barring a catastrophic death like heart attack) and they should call you if she is failing.
Live your life as best you can while it’s in slow motion (it feels like slow motion, doesn’t it?).
Rest assured that if your mom dies while you are not there, that you’ve done nothing but the best by her that you could.
I wish you peace in your journey.