Does anyone even send flowers or cards anymore after someone dies?

I'm so sorry for the loss of your stepmom. Yes, people still send flowers, plants, fruit baskets, & cards. People who know how close you were to her should recognize your loss. I received cards from my church, her residence received cards & flowers from her church, friends, her vet. She did request money be sent to Alzheimer's Association or local animal shelter. Not sure that any donations were made. The funeral homes near me offer grief support groups as well as other groups. I recommend you find one to continue with your grief.

Grief counselling is there for a reason - to help you. I love, love, love GriefShare. Everybody in the group is going through the loss of a loved one. They understand.

Yes, people do not send flowers much anymore. Where do you put the huge memorial wreaths afterwards? Cards are nice, but most feel they don't really convey their feelings. If you miss somebody, reach out to them. Most folks want to do the "right thing" but are not sure what that is anymore. Let them know what you need.

Praying you connect with loving people who can show you the kindness you need right now.

NYC Mama wrote:    "If you haven't had a relationship in the past with these people, they obviously don't feel the connection enough to reach out."

I think that's very insightful.   But I think that's a reflection of the current level of interaction between people.

I also think that acknowledging losses, birthdays and other important dates were part of a culture that bonded more with others, and as others have mentioned, supported their feelings, calls and attendances at funerals with flowers and cards.  I think the texting generation doesn't really understand that closeness.   Or perhaps they're not comfortable with it.

Texting to me is a way of communicating but keeping others at a distance; to me it's very impersonal (not to mention perhaps dangerous for wrists, as one arm doctor told me almost a dozen years ago.) 

Overall, I think human relationships have changed a lot b/c of tech devices, and personal relationships have deteriorated, or at least become less close, while self focus if not absorption has skyrocketed.

Lolaloud, my heartfelt sympathy to you and and your family.

I am baffled how the younger generations fail to take notice. It's like they can't look up from their cellphones to see what is happening in the world around them. But I was totally surprised when my 16 year old God-daughter had sent me a thank you note in a greeting card earlier this month for a surprised gift I sent her. In the past she would text me [which was ok]. Even her generation doesn't do emails which I prefer as I can raise the font size so I can read it.

When it comes to gifts, when I was a young adults I remember my Mom had told me if you send gifts on two occasions and get no thank-yous back, then stop sending gifts.

I’m so sorry that you lost your Mom. 🙏🏻💔

I really think it all depends on how close you remain to people & if you keep in touch with them.

My mom just passed & I received 2 plants, 3 vases of flowers & a card with a check that I’m going to donate in her memory to a charity of my choosing.

I experienced some of that with a few of my peer cousins when my Mom passed 4 months ago. In my generation, people sent cards - but I've found it's often not a thing in younger generations. If you haven't had a relationship in the past with these people, they obviously don't feel the connection enough to reach out.
Right or wrong, please don't dwell on it. If you have other close friends or family, reach out to them when you need to talk. Continue your therapy. Grieving can be an unfolding process - and it takes time. Be kind to yourself, and part of doing that is letting go of resentment, and doing little things that bring you happiness. This site is wonderful to vent your feelings and help get you through your journey. I wish you peace and comfort.

I’m so sorry for your loss and for the lack of support you are feeling.

Please focus on treating yourself kindly. Pick up a bouquet at a farmer’s market or give yourself a break by getting carryout instead of cooking.

Treat yourself with great loving kindness.

I'm so sorry you have been basically ignored by people you thought better of. Times have changed is probably the best excuse, and dare I mention the stresses of coping with Covid. So many rituals of comfort were diminished or dropped...it's a very hard time, when we lose someone, emotions are raw...and feeling abandoned by those we expected to be there for us hurts all the more. All I can tell you is that while i can't necessarily afford the expense of flowers, I can't remember when I did NOT send a card. Case in point: our neighbors on either side have/had mother's in a nursing home. One of them recently passed which I was unaware (not aware of even my dad being notified, but he is 104 and deaf, and the neighbor knows we have much on our plate dealing with my mother who has dementia and now is in hospice) I learned about the one neighbor's mother having passed away reading the obituary at 3 AM one night. I did send a card even though they are next door. I barely have time or energy to take care of my own and my parent's needs or I would have baked them something...So, while again I don't typically send flowers, I do send a card...and I saw the neighbor outside and was going to go up to him and ask how he was doing, but he appeared engrossed in a phone conversation so I did not....

I am 62, and I still send cards, and flowers if the person was a close friend, or the family was. I buy my cards at the dollar store,, they sell Hallmark labeled cards for 2 x 1$ so I just stock up. I got several cards when Mom passed, and some lovely flowers and plants. I also send the flowers to the house. i figure it only takes me a few minutes, and it means alot to the family. ( Of course I still send birthday cards to relatives and friends,, its fun to get snail mail) I am so sorry this happened to you.

I received flowers, cards and phone calls when my mom died. They meant a lot to me.

I do think that you are correct in saying that people are busy and live in their own little world.

I wish that people showed common courtesy to each other more often than they do.

One of my favorite memories from a dear friend was after my father died she gave me a beautiful maple tree. It has grown quite a bit! When I look at my tree, I think of my sweet dad and my dear friend.

I send cards, flowers or donation of their choice. I have a Mass said if they are Catholic. I suppose that I am very traditional in my beliefs regarding this situation. I have also cooked a dish to bring to the family. My church has a ministry that notifies parishioners of families in need of meals and we cook and deliver the meals.

I am very sorry for your loss. Take care.

When my 95 yo mother passed a bit ago, as the only family, it was up to me to contact everyone she knew and let them know. I received several phone calls from her generation friends (so many passed before her), several emails from those who had my email address, one card from my next door neighbor (who witnessed the extreme stress I was in and under while caring for mother), and one beautiful floral arrangement from a very conservative, 50 something contractor who has done work for me for the past 10 years. I really didn't expect much to begin with.

For me, I no longer send cards for any occasion - at $6-9 a card, they are expensive, but I will send a handwritten note if it was someone I knew and was close to me. I also no longer send flowers (they are also unnecessarily expensive), since so many people have allergies and so many companies that send the flowers don't always do a nice job or use quality flowers (meaning, they limp out a day after receiving). I do email someone because that way I know they receive my sentiments (usps loses a lot of stuff), and it is sent/received within hours - not days or weeks -- and can reply/respond upon receipt.

I know this doesn't sound 'correct' but at my age, given my tight financial budget and a circle of friends that is getting smaller each passing year, my expectations and interactions are very different than previous decades.

If a family member or friend passes, I usually send a card, have a mass said if they are Catholic, and make a donation to a charity of the family's choice. I'm sorry that this has been a lonely and sad time for you. Keep the fond memories of your mom close to your heart. With time, the pain of your loss gets less, but never completely goes away. If your therapy helps, don't give it up. Prayers coming your way.

Well if the jewelry line is so important, give 'em time and you'll hear from them about this/that item they always loved. Just tell them you are still sorting though all the items and the list of people who sent greeting cards/called mom and those who sent some sort of condolence after she passed. I'm sure you'll get dead silence on their end of the line -or- an excuse about their lack of concern. Either way, just say - not a problem. When I have all this sorted out, I'll be sharing.

Leave 'em all wondering!!!! And don't get in any sort of hurry (unless you have to) to divvy out what you plan to divvy out. If you really want to drive it home, put a note in the box and say 'after' sending out various items, I saw this and thought of you (then that person will wonder if that means they were not on the list, rather an afterthought).

A little mind game might be just what you need!!

My condolences on your loss. I got a lot of cards when Mom died in December, and a couple of small potted plants. We asked people to make donations in her name instead of flowers. I didn’t want a bunch of over priced cut flowers in my house, watching them die. I would rather see that money go to help someone in need or help fund a student.

And, yes, the habit of writing condolences is a thing of the past.

They probably don’t send flowers or cards partly because they don’t want to stay in touch with you. Death for many. means closure, sometimes with friends and family.

Things are not like they used to be. Just look at our politics. I wonder if we will ever return to being empathetic human beings again.

Not that this is the case here, but sometimes it also depends on how the family "informs" people that a loved on has passed.

Many people my age put it out on Facebook when a parent has passed away, not really taking into account that there are people (like me and my family) who aren't on Facebook. There are times I don't find out until months later that someone has lost a loved one, which is obviously too late to send anything to the funeral.

When my mom died in the middle of the pandemic, we actually kept our notifications very minimal, because we didn't want people to feel compelled to come to the funeral in the middle of the pandemic. I did send notes out to anyone who sent my mom a Christmas card. along with a prayer card from the wake, to let them know she had passed. If I thought it was hard to let people I know that mom had passed, I really agonized on how to word it to people that I DIDN'T know. That was tough! I did get sympathy cards back from some of them, but others not. That didn't really bother me; what I did get a bit peeved about was the fact that I came across my grandfather's wallet among mom's things, which I sent to my cousin (the only boy in the family) with a note saying I thought he might appreciate it as a memento from our grandfather. He never did acknowledge it one way or the other. Not really surprised, considering his personality, but irked about it nonetheless.

Sometimes, people just don't know the "right" thing to say, so they elect to say nothing instead.

My deepest sympathies on your loss. (((hugs)))

I send something to the HOME of the deceased, something personal. I NEVER seed flowers to the funeral home as they will be placed on the grave afterwards and will wilt and look sad and pathetic.

Often I send a card and a cash donation to a cause that the deceased cared about.

And personally? I see some of my kids being VERY thoughful and kind when they see a friend has lost a parent or sibling, but for the most part, they are consumed by their own lives. I am not proud of this aspect of their personalities, but I'd never say anything. If you are too busy to acknowledge the passing of a friend, or a parent of a friend, then you need to re-evaulate your life as to what is important.

When my brother died I did not get one card or flower. Same thing when my daddy passed. He'd asked for all donations to go to our church and I didn't expect any flowers--but a card would have been nice.

If I go to the viewing and/or service, I do not send a card. I send it one if I don't live near by and if the person is not someone I would attend a funeral for. Flowers are for very close people.

So sorry. People are self absorbed.

I have to agree with MJ1929, that cards are definitely an older generation thing. And flowers are a thing of the past pretty much, for funerals anyway, except if the funeral is at a funeral home, then there usually are flowers there from family members.
I am a huge card sender, and always have been. But that is how I was raised(I'm 61.)I like to send cards of encouragement, sympathy, or just thinking/praying for you. When my husband died last Sept. I did receive lots of cards, and we didn't have a service for him as we scattered his ashes last month.
It is kind of a lost tradition(sadly), but I always get a positive response from the person to whom I send a card to. I think they're usually surprised that someone actually still does that, and it's always appreciated.
I am sorry that you lost your mom. I know you're still grieving. But I wouldn't give this issue any more thought. Lots of people are just uncomfortable when it comes to death and dying and aren't sure what to say or do, so don't take it personal. Just make sure that you yourself are doing unto others as you would have them do to you, because what goes around comes around. Please take care of yourself. God bless you.

Depends on the generation, I think. Older people wrote the most lovely notes to us about my dad (and most important, TO my dad before he died), but we received nothing from anyone in our generation. None of my friends sent me condolences except on Facebook when I posted that my dad had died. ("Sorry for your loss" x80. Very comforting /s)

Flowers really aren't a thing anymore, because of the "In lieu of flowers" note always in obituaries, but out of 350 people at my dad's funeral, only 12 sent donations. (That was totally fine with me.)

What I did treasure, though, were those 350 people who made the effort to come to his service. Our minds were absolutely blown.

Rather than dwell on the lack of consideration by others, try to pay it forward and do for others what was not done for them. Long before my dad died, I started sending copies to the family of photos I might have had of the deceased person, especially if it was from an event where family might not have been in attendance. I started doing it when our neighbors' 16-year-old daughter died suddenly, and her mother was so grateful to have more pictures of the child she'd never see again. I know I'd give anything for more pictures of my dad from any era.

Use your pain to show more consideration to others in theirs, and you may succeed in teaching them that compassion and kindness are never inappropriate.