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Dad moved in because he didn't have the funds or ability to live on his own. I have a nice place with plenty of room plus the sib's were non compliant. Fast forward 4 years and I cover all the house expense. Yes there is more heat and electric and food but minor. Now we have to travel across the country for a funeral. Dad says he has money for the plane fare. It will cost me abut $1500. with air, car, hotel and food. Of course the sibs are no where to be found with financial assistance. So I am the one left with the tab. He can't travel on his own, he will need a wheelchair in the airport. Do I assess him 50/50 on the costs? Not staying 5 star but not red roof either. We will have to eat out and when we do he orders everything as he knows I will pick up the tab. I'd rather be spending the money on a nice vacation with my wife. I know it is my duty to get him there but why do I have to pay it?

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So agree with Karsten. If your dad's pushing to go and you're going as his helper - caregiver then it's his responsibility to pay for all of it.
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this sounds cold, but if your dad does not have all the money to get to the funeral including covering your expenses, he is not able to go to the funeral. Sometimes I think we, meaning all of us, not just elders, maybe they less than others, have this mentality we can do all we want to do whether we have the money or not.
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Dad has given me money for his flight. I guess I cant complain anymore. Just have to pick up the cost of the car and hotel now.
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I flew dad across the country after mom died on a trip. The trip was partially OK but yet again I picked up the tab. It resulted in my not going on any more trips with him. Anyway fast forward, I have to go on this one. He will be fine traveling. I just will have to eat normal and not go anywhere expensive. It is pretty much a turn and burn anyway, out one day there a day and back a day. Hopefully I can resolve enough to keep focused, work while I am away and let him do what he needs. I can drop him off for the day and go back to the hotel and work. Maybe that will help. And if my darling sibling shows up pawn him on on them!
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NO, don’t feel obligated to pay bills. In trying to help my parent, i have become the one who handles everything for both parents, paying for incidentals, etc. I have only myself to rely upon, and it is not fair that I spend assets I know I’m going to need at some point, and they HAVE money. It is an expectation on the part of some senior citizens that their kids will take care of them, without concern or care for the kids. I will not allow that to happen, nor do I have guilt. Take care of yourself,.
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TG, in your place, I would send a lovely standing flower arrangement.
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Good FF. I looked back on previous posts and I would say NO. You mentioned in a post about Dads memory. I think this trip would be too stressful for both of you. I also don't think he should travel alone. Just tell him you don't have the money. Spend your money on your wife. Dad will just have to miss this one.
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tgengine, has your Dad flown since security rules were set into place after 9-11?

I remember when my parents wanted to fly back to Dad's hometown, I knew it just wouldn't work out very well. For one, neither could do the walk from one area to another in the airport. Mom would refuse to use the wheelchair service [what if a friend or neighbor saw her].

I told Dad that many things have changed since they had flown back in the 1980's.... example Mom wouldn't like going through TSA and having her purse and her own person checked out. Dad smiled and proudly said "Mom will yell at them". I told him if Mom did that then TSA wouldn't let her fly. Then what? Eventually the trip idea was dropped.
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Have to, should, would, whatever...I am flat broke and I’m not doing any picking up bills.
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I have to go to this one, I have dodged all the rest (close family relative). I will see if I can get some out of him for the air and hotel at least. They did help my family out when mom passed. Funeral are one of those things we have to do I guess. Its not bad when they are close to home but when you have to travel a great distance it puts a strain on the finances.
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I vote you and dad don't go. It's a matter of economics and you should have that conversation with dad. "Dad, i know you would like to go to this funeral; but I can't spend the money to accompany you on this and don't think it is prudent for you to travel alone".

If dad balks, then you can send him (arrange for wheelchairs at the airport) but dad should have someone meet him at the other end that will ensure he has hotel, help him with transportation and accompany him at funeral, etc. plus ensure he gets back to airport and loaded on the plane home.

I think this is hard and stressful and if it were me I'd just tell dad, no -- you are n't going and you don't recommend he go this time either.
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Splitting 50/50 seems a good option in your case, TG.  
Good luck.
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Are you just venting again TG? Of course you can - should - put it on the tab your father has already run up after he runs out of money every month, but the likelihood of you actually being reimbursed is slim to none, right?
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When a sweet friend of mine passed away out of state, her funeral was videotaped. Her friends were scattered all over the world and the video of her services was posted on an site that we could all access. Perhaps you could ask if the same could be done here? I have to say you probably will not have success getting contributions for Dad’s trip if none have been forthcoming so far.
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Do you WANT to go to this funeral?

If you dont, don't go.

Many people in wheelchairs travel independently. There are folks at the airport who assist them.

Have you asked the other siblings to cover this cost?  Write a group email.  "Dad wants to attend Uncle Joe's funeral.  I don't have the funds to cover the cost, as I am already housing and feeding dad.  I am not able to take time off to accompany him.  Please discuss any assistance you can provide with dad this week."
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