I am a stay at home mom homeschooling 3 kids. Although we are usually home, my mom needs 24/7 care due to Alzheimer's and being a fall risk. I just don't know if I can handle the mental and physical demands of her being here. hubby is apprehensive. I've done some things for her such as helping to dress and change undergarments like 3x in I hour while she's in a nursing home and we visit several times a week, but she's raised some issues that cause me concern about her care. I've spoken with the staff, but I don't know who to believe. They've been really polite and seem to like her, but since she has dementia, how do I know if she just thinks some of these things vs if they're really true?

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People with dementia may say things that are not true. I'd keep that in mind as you consider her comments. My LO used to believe that her doctor slept on the couch to her AL. She really believed it. And, that the snack man took her on a horseback ride to the burger shack. But, of course, I would always look into any allegation to see if she is being mistreated. If you're not comfortable, you could explore another facility. I'd give it much thought, before moving if there was no evidence.

What does your spouse say about their expectations of inhome caregiving for your mom. Have you read many of the threads on this board about how people are begging for advice on what to do, because it's not like they expected?

Do you have set up for wheelchair access to rooms? Handicapped equipped bathroom?

I might check with a professional agency that has trained caregivers, so they can handle taxes, insurance, etc. Plus, consider what happens in case of emergency and they can't come to your house, like weather, sickness, etc. Would you have a backup plan for her care?

Is your mother okay with loud noises? That's something that really bothered my LO when she got dementia. Children playing was not something she would have tolerated well. It's a lot to consider. Do you think that mother has a realistic idea of what her care needs are? That can be problematic, because they sometimes overestimate what they can do for themselves.
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I know this has been a long journey for you, and even though you have finally made the decision and placed Mom in a nursing home, you still aren’t quite sure you made the right decision. Sure, plenty of the people on this forum have in-home health care help. However, to have it 24/7 would be very, very expensive. I’m not certain how much her insurance would pay for and for how long. She’s much better off where she is. Three shifts of people to care for her, around the clock.

People with dementia are paranoid, delusional and have hallucinations. Observe interactions between your mom and the staff and the staff and other patients. Is she fed, clean and supervised? I know that if you offer to pitch in, they will let you. I dressed my mom but never changed her. You shouldn’t either. You’re paying for those services. If you have concerns, you are perfectly within your rights to call a Care Conference.
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