She is 98. Was in assisted living, but broke her hip after two months. Had surgery, but refused to do rehab. Now is in nursing home. Can't walk. Not happy. Has some dementia. No real health problems. Does not want to participate in activities. He thinks he has to go every day to see her. This has been going on for two years now. I go with him more often than I want to. He has high blood pressure and I can't make him see that this does not help him. We have been married 50 years and could be enjoying our retirement if not for this.

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Take a vacation. If he wants to visit his mom every day, that's his business. It's probably preventing her from joining in activities, unless you're talking about just dropping in for 10 minutes.

Clearly you'd like to get away, so do it! Enjoy yourself while you have the chance.
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Unless it’s preventing you from doing something, I don’t see why him visiting his mom every day should be a problem. My mom visited my grandpa every day after work. It didn’t interfere with anything and my dad never complained—he exercised his right to stay home
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I visit my mom every day too, but I don't have any other commitments. Has he always been at his mother's beck and call? Is he just dropping in for a half hour or so or is he staying half the day? And what do you feel he could/should he be doing instead - if he is visiting instead of moping around watching TV or some other mindless activity it is different than if he is neglecting his other obligations.
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