Does anybody else hate the person they have become?

Firstly I think you are so overwhelmed and fed up over feeling like you are being used that you are used up!! Does the place where you work offer EAP? (Employee assistance program)? It’s a way to get some free counseling. That said start feeling better by setting new ground rules. You are head of the household and it should be your way or the highway (sort of for lack of better words)
1. Grandson: not sure why he is living there but he won’t learn responsibility and adulting skills (which are sorely lacking in this generation) unless being given some. Make a list of his new duties. He can also learn to start dinner. If my mom could teach us when we were in high school while she worked there is no reason he can’t learn. On top of that he will learn a valuable skill.
2. I agree with the other poster who said to level with your sibs on the gifts. They probably send gifts out of guilt for not being there. Tell them gift cards for meals or Amazon is better. Mom can order and have gifts sent via online shipping. Tell them you are out of the gift wrap and shipping business. It has closed.
these are a few things but you get the drift. You need to set some serious boundaries with everyone and feel like you have control. Book a massage a month and have that be your spa day. Do not let family interfere and sonny can watch great granny. Go out with a friend once a month. Make one day a week a "ME day" and tell them that is the new standard. The reason you hate everyone, yourself and your life is because you have NO JOY and no control. You are being taken advantage of. But if you keep playing by the old rules you will continue to spiral down and how is that working for you? It’s not is it? This is an oldie but good truism...Dr. Phil said "we teach people how to treat us" and boy have they ever learned. When you teach them the new way...watch your spirit improve.
Please keep coming but also please tell us what solutions you’ve clicked with. You can do this...NO is not a dirty word. It’s ok to put yourself first for a change. No one is going to die because you make new rules.

Hugs to you Forgotten2, you're under a lot of stress and worn out, as anyone would be in your shoes. Please don't hate yourself. Please see yourself with compassion - as a human whose doing the best you can under very difficult circumstances.
I often dislike myself at the end of the day - I'm just not patient enough with my dementia mother and difficult father. At the end of the day I say to myself I will try better tomorrow, but it's all I can do - like you, I'm doing the best that I can.

Please remember to care for yourself. I know it's almost impossible to find the time, but somehow you have to figure out a way. And know you are not alone, there are many of us going through similar circumstances and feelings.

Forgotten: That sounds like a lot of stress that you are under. Can you seek out a counselor? Big ((( ))) Hugs!

I have been told resentment is the warning you are giving too much.

I have learned the caregiving role can have massive mission creep.

Please keep seeking advice & practical help.

There are many ways to be a caregiver. Not everyone does the 24/7 live-in model. Being a loving visitor to Mum (being cared for in AL or NH) is also caring - just in a different way.

It sounds like you don’t want to be “that”employee, friend, neighbor, person that you write about.

The things that that are bothering you are not the kind of things that should be making you so sad — putting flowers in a vase? Maybe they were sent for your enjoyment too. Are you really upset that your Mom is buying other people gifts? If these types of things are causing you anxiety, you probably need medical help.

You are are the only person with the power to change your treatment of others, your actions, your life. . .

There are two routes to happiness (1) change your expectations (be happy where you are by changing your outlook), or (2) change your circumstances.

You cannot change others or their behaviors, (but you can impact the way they feel about you).

Why not choose to be “the other kind of” neighbor, employee and friend. Maybe you will like the results better.

All answers here were great❤️ I would like to suggest that you ask siblings to contribute to her care by sending money to hire help- house keeper, aide, sitter, etc. I’m sure you are contributing much more than you know financially since she lives with you. Ask for an amount that is a sacrifice for them- you are sacrificing. And if mom has $ for gifts she has money for help with her care. Lay some rules down and stick to them, like telling her NO negative comments-if she can’t say something positive- say nothing, it’s ok I’d she gets mad.. maybe she will insist on moving in with one of your siblings.
grandson needs to help regularly around the house AND pay rent and part of utilities if he wants to say. I once had a counselor say to me that if I really didn’t like my situation, I would change it.
Be brave, tAke the first step immediately

I often don't like the person I've become. I saw it many years ago in my aunt, and I see glimpses of her in myself sometimes; totally unacceptable things like screaming because I get frustrated with my mother's near deafness. It's unacceptable and I don't like it. I sometimes can't get those things out of my head.