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My mom used to be all about manners and always acted appropriately. Now she is getting angry with people whenever things don't go exactly the way she wanted them to go.
She is getting angry at people who are just doing their jobs because they tell her she doesn't have the papers she needs, or her perscription hasn't been called in, or the office is closed for the day, etc...
If I say anything then she gets upset with me and after it is all over she says I was the one who started it.

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Hi Suzyque, I can really relate you your situation. When my otherwise sweet mom gets snappy it upsets everyone she attacks and me when I watch it happen. Then I take a step back and realize that as she gets older she is getting scared. She is realizing this is nearing the end. She doesn't have a lot of opportunity to have fun and any kind of recognition. I've noticed that she lies, then when we talk about it later, after it causes her to miss the right treatment and we have to go to all kinds of lengths to get her healthy again, she just laughs and admits to lying. I think these are mechanisms they have and grasp for when they are scared. So, I try to get in front of the possibilities by reminding her what papers she will need and asking her what her plans are for the day. Help her think through ways to get things done that will make her happy. She makes lists and is very proud when she is managing things well. All my life she was the person I went to for advice and now she relies on me and everyone else. When does she get that good feeling of being the expert and on top of the world? Rarely...these days.

This is a very long way of saying my mom does the same things and I feel terrible around her... but when I think about it, she is scared and when I think more, I realize I really don't have any idea what it feels like to be that old and somewhat helpless, when her freedoms and fun are slowly being lost to her. So now I'm trying to find ways to make her laugh. We try to read uplifting books, not sad ones. I make sure she has some flowers from my garden and something cheerful to wear. Of course she asks if the flower post have been watered and says she would have preferred a different color scarf, but then we laugh.... there it is again. The crabbiness.

My thoughts are with you and I hope you find a way to have a cheerful and fun day today!
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If you feel you are losing control of situation. Just sit down and say nothing for about 10 minutes. I find mom cannot remember why I am sitting there. I give her a yoghurt and she may say she doesn't want it, let it sit there and she eventually eats it. I sit across the table.. Me not speaking at all seems to help.
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Sounds like your mom may be displaying signs of cognitive decline. My mother too, was super organized, knew all about medication and prescription processes; now, if she calls a doctor herself, she can't tell me a day later what was said, why a particular medication was prescribed, or if she should continue or discontinue other meds. It's time to consider how best to step into this situation to give more assistance, or get her more assistance.
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After watching my dad, I think it all comes down to being scared because they are losing control of their life. He seems to get mad at me more so than my siblings, but it is because I am the main caregiver. The best thing to do is try to not let it get to you because it is themselves that they are mad about, not you.
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Why is it that people say , we will be them one day,
I find that to be a very negative comment and not so true. Not every elderly person gets dimentia and goes through those problems, My Grandma, lived to be 93 and she still had her mind in tact. When my grandmother died it was because of a mistake in a diagnosis . I would like to hear people be more positive and say I will do everything in my power to stay healthy and have more faith and trust in God.Is there a reason why people make that comment?
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My mom does exactly the same thing. She pushes my buttons and then says it's my fault she's upset. It is so frustrating -- and very difficult to avoid, for some reason. I think you just have to try to let things roll off your back or give yourself a time out!
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Apologies. I didn't mean to upset anyone by saying we will be them someday. To me that statement simply means it is useful to observe our loved ones and learn from them and the journeys that are ahead of all of us. From that we can choose carefully and thoughtfully to live the best possible life we can. By learning from them and being thoughtful about their journey, perhaps we will eat healthy food to fuel healthy bodies and minds, perhaps we will be motivated to exercise and to be kind to those around us. To me that statement means that some day we may also be afraid, we may also be kind, we may also be joyful... I apologize and did not mean to upset, by indicating that it would be a negative future, but to imagine a place we have not yet experienced and perhaps try today to be as healthy as possible and to prepare from those life lessons we observe. Personally, I will be someone's mom and like my mom did when she was my age, I am trying now to take good care of my health and life in a way that is kind, healthy and constructive, to the extent that I can... It's a complicated journey, to an extent out of our control, and to the extent that we can be thoughtful now about our journey forward...we will hopefully be very elderly some day, and I hope we are all joyful, kind and as healthy as possible when we are 110. ;-)
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I read the answer that said we will be them someday. I agree that we will someday all be old (I'm heading that way faster than I would like!). However, I think two things. First, we all have different personalities and different ways of responding to stress. We cannot know the challenges that lie ahead, but I think we as adults have developed coping strategies that will determiine how we handle those as seniors. Of course, cognitive decline exists, but I see the mind as an organ that requires use to remain strong. Second, I have heard it said that the negative traits we have become exaggerated as we age. In other words, if Mom is negative about people in general, she's only going to become more so as she gets older. Why? I'm not sure, but I certainly see that in my own mother. She blames other people for virtually everything except the weather! Another factor in the lives of women from a different era is that they did not live independently before they got married as long as many women now do. My mother went straight from her parents' home to her new home as a married woman. She and my dad were married for 63 years before he passed away at 92. She was a stay-at-home mom, a wonderful one. My dad brought home the bacon. Now Mom, at 88, is in charge of her life and her home for the very first time as a single person. It must feel like an incredible challenge at her age. Although I'm exhausted doing a lot for two people (her and me) and trying to have a rich, fulfilling life myseself, I have a lot of sympathy for her. I could wish that she handled her situation a little more kindly and gracefully, but I can see that this wish will not be fulfilled. So I continue to help and continue to live my life to the fullest extent possible. It's a tough row to hoe, but what choice do we as offspring have? I wish you great courage! This support group is great.
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Dear Susique
Whaf you describes looks like symptona of depressoo. and/or the most common, symptons of some type of dementia.I use to see that behaviors with patient with dementia.
The misinformation about dementia lead ua (and aome docfors too)to aays "oh,she or he it is only getting old,and it leads to not detect and treat the disorders.
She needs a good and interessed doctor, a neurologist, to makes blood tests for thiroid diseases, B12 deficts,and other disorders,and she needa to of brain scans to search for brain disorders that can lead to this behavior.
A good and interssted neurologist, that nows that her behaciora are not by ageing , will wearch and find the cause and some type of treatment.
Please, take a loook in the site called Alzheimer reading room.
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Carlos - Thanks. I found the ARR and a very helpful article after I posted this question. I signed up to get their newsletter.
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