Does a loved one suffer in pain at the ending stages of life?

My friends father passed a few years ago. He was in a private care home with one other roommate. The room was very quiet and relaxing. They informed my friend her father could go at anytime as he had stopped eating and was not responding to questions. However when she asked him if he wanted ice cream he smiled and nodded yes. (He was diabetic so his daughter didn’t let him have many sweets). I thought it was sweet that she now has the memory of her father passing away happy with a smile on his face

Very dependent on the person, as a matter of fact. Some grandparents LOVE the chaos of family life around them. Most do not at the end of life. You will have to judge this as you go along with hospice in the home. You know the elder a good deal more than we do, and basics don't change with dying, in fact. Talkers want to talk if they are able, philosophers want to do that, doting grandparents want the kids and dogs jumping on the bed, the quiet persons want a quiet place and to be read to (that would be me). We remain much who we are to the very end in many cases.
Sure do wish you luck.

I don't think my dad was in pain, but he was agitated the last couple of days before he died. He kept waving his hands in the air, doing "jazz hands" as he clenched and unclenched his fists. He did this even after he was otherwise unconscious. The hospice nurse was able to give him something to calm that at last.

Consider getting hospice on board to be there at the end. They can do so much to help with any pain or anxiety.

The one thing I'll caution is to ensure your loved one is someplace where a gurney can go. My dad was in an upstairs bedroom, and the mortuary folks couldn't got the gurney up the stairs. My brother had to help them carry my dad's body down the stairs, and it was a traumatic experience I wouldn't suggest to anyone.

Everyone's dying process is different. I've been with family members and friends when they were dying, and most were quite peaceful. However my husbands 6 week dying process was anything but peaceful. He was in horrific pain that hospice couldn't and never did get under control. I was told by hospice that if I had him transferred to their hospice facility, they would be able to give him stronger medications there to knock him out, but they couldn't use those same medications in the home. And since my husband wanted to die at home, he had to suffer.
As hearing is the last sense to go, I think it's up to you or other family members as to what kind of environment you want for your loved one, as they get ready to transition. I know that I kept on some pretty soft music, for the last several days of my husbands life, but looking back on it, I think that was more for me, to keep me calm than anything else.

With both of my parents, their final days were very much a solo journey. They became oblivious to what was going on around them. One hospice nurse told me the day before my dad died that in most ways he was already gone, his body just hadn’t caught up. It was very true. Neither of my parents was in pain, meds were a huge help in this. Pain or no pain depends on many factors, I hope you have the guidance of hospice on this. Wishing you peace

It all depends on what the illness is and whether or not the pain can be managed. People with cancer can experience pain in their final days while dementia patients seldom do unless there's a comorbidity. Some pain can be ameliorated by increasing doses of pain meds, e.g., aspirin, codeine, morphine. What is the nature of the illness? Someone in their final stages should be under hospice care.

At the far end of life, most people seem to quieten down and not take a lot of notice of what is happening. Family members need to go quite close to them, bending over, before they seem to realise that they are there. Hearing is the last sense to go, and you can use this to say loving things gently in their ear. A lot of noise probably wouldn’t be pleasant. Simple touch, holding hands, can help the dying and the people who love them too.

Of course some people are quite agitated, if there is something they want to say or something they want to happen (for some people that might be a priest for the last rites, for others a family member they wish was there). But the three people whose deaths I know well have gone quietly, falling into a last sleep.

Even cultures where noisy wailing is the custom for mourning, it is usually left until after death.

The benefit of hospice is that no-one needs to be in pain at the end. Morphine stops the pain, and also helps the relaxation that leads to the end when the body can no longer hang on. Without it, some people would be in great pain (eg from cancer), while others would just fade away. The 'rattle' breathing sounds awful, but we are told that it is not actually painful.

If this is not what you want to hear, please give further details of what is worrying you.