Follow
Share

My Mom has had several compression back fractures. Has severe osteoporosis and back pain. If she was younger and healthier she would require back surgery. But we have been to several surgeons and even when she was younger they said she wasn't a good candidate for surgery. She realizes she isn't, but wants them to do something else.

She's miserable. This isn't going to kill her, but there's no cure. I get tired of going around from doctor to doctor, who all say the same thing.

She doesn't like the one pain management doctor she went to, so she won't go to another one.

How can I convince her to accept that she has to live the rest of her life with this pain. Her doctors do tell her that, but not forcefully enough.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
KeepontryitM, all you can do is tell her. The doctors can tell her. But she will have to be the one to accept it. Being in that kind of pain constantly is horrendous. My husband lives with it every single minute. He doesn't like it but has accepted that it is what he lives with. He takes medication and had a nerve stimulator inserted near his spine. He has limited mobility, realizes it will get worse as he ages. It took him a long time to accept it.
Just keep working on your mother. If she doesn't see a counselor maybe you could suggest it? They should be able to help her get through her denial. But ultimately, it rests on her shoulders.
Also, you don't have to listen to constant complaining either. There's just so much you can do before she drives you bonkers. Limit her bitch sessions, walk away or change the subject. I really hope things ease up for you. Hang in there.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

Maybe you could find a pain management Dr. who's a female. Sometimes that makes a difference.
Helpful Answer (7)
Report

Will she accept a Chiropractor? They can help relieve the pain.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I have continuous back pain. I'm male, 76, and take 4 Percocets a day to very little relief from the meds. Sometimes I just have to bite the bullet on the pain and hope it relieves itself some of the time. Gets very bad at times. I DO NOT TRUST Chiropracters as my friend was permanently paralyzed by one in the past and lost control of his lower body limbs in the Chiros office during manipulations. So, I will NEVER go to a Chiropractor.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Have you tried taking her to see an acupuncturist? Since this method of healing has been around more than 5,000 yrs., trust me it is worth some visits. I have used acupuncture for various pain centers and it always works. I do not know of a single person (or patient) that does not find relief. Try it! More and more insurances are covering this alternative medicine, so check with them. Medicare still does not, but I found in Sun City, AZ a place that uses a sliding scale for payments. Those who can pay, pay between $15-$40.
Helpful Answer (12)
Report

I agree with seeing a female pain specialist. I believe there are always things that can be tried; the side affects are what she has to decide upon. my dad has chronic back pain and when he heard what his options were, he decided to accept what he had,,.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Mom went to a chiropractor but he didn't want to work on her because he was worried he might injury her. Sounds like he was worried about what happened to Jerry B's friend.

I just got chewed out yesterday because I couldn't convince another neurosurgeon to see her as a patient. She says "they do things other than surgery". But his nurse tells me the doctor only see surgerical patients. Am I supposed to argue with the doctors nurse about what her boss does?
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

People with osteoporosis SHOULD NOT be seeing a chiropractor because bones are brittle and can fracture. Pain meds like Percocet only mask symptoms and cause constipation which is not a good thing since all that backup (feces) will cause more pain, cramping, and bacteria growing in the impacted colon. Exercise as much as you can as weight-bearing exercise will release endorphins which will be better than any drugs. Yes, I have osteoporosis and I walk our dogs every day, and do not take any meds for pain because the exercise relaxes the muscles. Not carrying a lot of weight will help the back pain as well.
Helpful Answer (9)
Report

I KNOW AN LADY SHE IS 85 HAD BACK SURGEY,SHOULDER,KNEE REPLACE AND OTHER STUFF AND SHE DONE WELL. I MYSELF HAD SEVERAL SURGEY AND I HAVE A PAIN PUMP INPLANTED IN MY BODY AND THE MORPHIE IS GOING TO MY SPINE AND HAS HELP SOME OF THE PAIN ATLEAST I CAN STAND IT ALONG WITH NORCO AND MUSCLE RELAX. I NOT COMPLETE PAIN FREE AND I JUST GOT OVER AN BACK SURGEY TO HELP MY LEGS PAIN AND SO FAR THAT HAS HELP AND I GOT TO GO THRU ONE MORE BECAUSE THE DOCTOR I HAD MESSED ME UP AND SINCE THIS DOCTOR HELP ON THIS ONE HE SAID THE OTHER ONE IS BAD SHAPE BUT WANTED TO HELP ME ON MY LEGS. I STILL NEED AN WALKER AND I DO KEEP UP THE WALKING AND MOVEMENT BECAUSE IF YOU DO NOT MOVE YOU LOSE IT. I HAVE SEVERAL METAL IN ME AND HAVE HIP REPLACE-THE BEST THING BECAUSE I DO NOT HAVE PAIN THERE ANY MORE. WORKING ON BACK AND MY KNEES.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I agree with you that you should not see an chiropractor. I saw one for 10 weeks andhe could not do anything for me and now since I got metal in me I sure can not and do not want to see one. I know people have swear about going to them but you need to read up on chiropractors.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Sound like the doctor does not want to work with you. They can put in a pain pump-morphine. But tried going to an Pain Doctor because there is alot that they can do beside giving pain meds.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

I second the recommendation for acupuncturre. My 92 yr old mother has undergone acpuncture to get relief from arthritis back pain. You should discuss with acupuncturist first. Not all pain responds to acpuncture.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

I had that nerve stimaltor put in durring the tiral one and caught an awful effections that i had to be put in hospital to take the stimulator out which did not work to be it was like a tens unit, but after it was out had back surgey agin to cut out the infection and was given strong antibotics for an 2 weeks. Also there were a recall on the never stimulator because it was killing people. My other 85 year old lady friend she had her out also because it was like a ten unit and not helping and I finally had morphe pain pump in and it has help on some of the pain, I need 1 more surgery and you are right you will never be pain free but you can atleast get it to where you can manage it and remember to move it or you will lose it.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Oh my, my heart goes out to you both! I suffer from CHRONIC Migraines (daily from Nov. 21 to ...) Being shuffled from Dr. to Dr. is so frustrating! Been there. But you can not loose hope! I would look in the phone book or online and find another pain management specialist! My pain management Dr. found out I have hurt my neck and is going to treat me for that. So far, I am getting better!
The right Dr. is out there, you will find them. There is no sense your mom has to live in so much pain! Praying for you!
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

I have the tens unit. You have Botox, nerve blocks, they can actually burn a tip of the nerve, so you are pain free. There is so much!!
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

what pain medication is she on? my mom has chronic pain and many diseases, on 14 medications, for pain hydrocone 10-325 and a lioderm cream which numbs the area for a while
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

In this day & age, no one should need to suffer so much pain.
This is cruel.
Even animals can get pain relief !
I would contact your local Senior Aging group & ask for suggestions & help to find assistance.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Ferris1 has great advice, which I'd condense to: Chiropractor = dangerous, walking = good, acupuncture = effective. With respect to acupuncture, I find a lot of variablility in effectiveness. Sometimes it works, other times not. Although this isn't a profound observation, it leads to a conclusion that can help you minimize disappointment. At the start of treatment, I tell the acupuncturist that my philosophy is "one and done". If they can't provide significant relief the first time, there ain't gonna be a second time. If the first time is effective, sure, there can be subsequent treatments. Acupuncture where I live costs $80-120, and they push herbs and supplements on you. Again, some work, others don't.
Go into any doctor with the "one and done" philosophy (where appropriate) and you'll save yourself a lot of disappointment, and you won't feel all guilty when you call them up to cancel the subsequent appointment, which ALWAYS seems to get scheduled at the end of treatment.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Is she a candidate for vertebroplasty? This is a procedure where a supportive material is injected into the spine. It supports and can provide pain relief. I believe it is done by a qualified radiologist. Worth checking into.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

A strong narcotic like dilaudid would probably help her pain. I am not advocating drug abuse but there are certian situations where it is understandable. She shouldnt have to live the rest of her life in pain when there are plenty of medications that can manage it.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

My Mom takes 20mg of Oxycotin twice a day. Then she has Oxycodone for break through pain. She doesn't like to take it because it makes her constipated and muddles her brain. She's tried both the lidodem patch and cream, but says they don't do anything.

Unfortunately she isn't a good candidate for vertebroplasty.

She hasn't tried acupuncture. I hadn't thought of that. Thanks
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

As a nurse, I was trained that patients do not have to be in severe pain, chronically. The ideas listed above of acupuncture, TENS unit, etc. are good ones. It seems that finding the proper Dr is the key. You might have to go to a larger medical facility to find what you need. Starting with the Pain Management Dept. is a good place to start. It might mean a trip for you all, but I would "keep on tryin". Hopefully Mom will be a little more cooperative if she really wants to find some relief.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

She is understandably desperate and drs and acupuncturist has done all they can. See if drs will approve physical therapy to help with pain mgt. this will get her focused on something else and maybe help. Also maybe so the heat and cold packs several times a day. This isn't much with pain, I know, but might help at least for a while.

I'm sorry for you because she is depending on you to do her bidding, but you just have to let her vent and keep telling her there isn't anymore medically that can be done. Ask her what she wants to do to move forward? Can you get her in more outside activities at senior center.

Hang in there.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Time to take her to an alternative healer, don't you think? In the meantime, please give your mom some magnesium citrate to relax her muscles and maybe hopefully ease her pain. A good vitamin B Complex also calms nerves. Even taking an enzyme like bromelain could help. In other words, they are a number of helpful alternatives. Allopathic medicine does not always help. Good luck.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Are you certain that you were talking to an RN? I would ask for the office manager and at least, state that you are unhappy about the attitude of the person you were speaking to.

I certainly wouldn't accept that I had to live with severe pain. We have Pain Centers here in AZ.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

My mother is in chronic pain. Even though doctors tell her they can't do much it helps her to cope by thinking there is something else she can try. So in her case the hope helps and I have learned not to discourage it.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Even though she likes her pain doctor, I would go to the largest big city near by and get a second opinion from another pain management doctor in a very large office.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Talk to a neurologist, not a neurosurgeon - there is a difference.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Why don't you tell your mom to call the doctors herself? My mother is 86 and still makes her own appointments. Sounds like your mother doesn't have any medical conditions to prevent her doing it too. Maybe it will help her accept her status or do something about it for herself.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

My mom has constant pain as well. she is 87, has arthritis in her neck. and every where else. She can not walk or stand. She keeps wanting test? another doc? but we have done everything. She thinks she has a brain tumor. But, we have had it checked and rechecked. Her biggest complaint is "Pain" Because she is not mobil, and has diabetis there are complications with about every medication. Also she is alergic to alot of things. I can not tell you the guilt I am carring around because I don't know what to do for her. They do give her Tramodol, and Lortab. But if they give her too much in a single dose her legs swell up and there again is alot of aditional problems. They wrap her legs every day with elastic bandages. She will not wear the compression socks. Then they rub some special stuff on her legs at night. They still swell up considerably. Last night she ask them top bring some cold
water to put her feet in. The nurse on call was very nice. I don't think all of them
would have done that for her. I wish I could make her pain go away, I just don't know what to do ?
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter