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This has been a long hard journey, dad was in a va hosp for almost 2 wks, discharged to my house under 24/7 supervision due to not be capable of making his own decisions, being a danger to himself, alcoholic drug addict and possible mental illness or dementia. He was under my care for 1 wk before ambulanced to another hospital due to not waking up...found he was having liver failure and are now treating him, he is awake but his mental and physical state have decreased drastically. He thinks nothing is wrong with him, thinks he is fine and doesnt need care however the care he truly needs it extensive, he cannot do anything on his own, bath, toilet, meals, or even transfer to and from wheelchair. has a catheter, rectal tube.ect...His dr currently wants to investigate more on the dementia side since he is very delusional and unrealistic in his idea and stories. He owns a home in So ca however has been in Wa state with me for almost 1 mth. I have medical POA my aunt (in so ca) has financial POA. Dad is starting to refuse care, tests treatments and refuses to believe or accept that he needs to be placed in a care facility. he wants to return to his house and "rot" on his couch with no help or care. APS had a case of self neglect open on him however just closed them due to the hospital taking care of the situation. My house is no longer an option for care, they believe and so do i that the level of care he needs is far above what i can offer and his ins does not cover enough respite or caregiver hours to help in anyway. I have little to no resources for paying for guardianship, my dad will refuse at all cost and my aunt it kind of on the fence about things. She is very worried about her responsibility and does not want to get in trouble for anything, there for unwilling to help pay for anything. I dont know what to do, no other family can or will help, my aunt doenst want anything to do with it all and has stated that she would gladly give up her side of the POA once dad is somewhere permanent....im at a loss have no resources and dont know what to do. MY dad is in a hospital 2 hrs away and driving back and forth, babysitters gas hotel has already cost my family more than we can afford but i am the only person dad has and dont know what to do. He has a substantial income that just sit in his bank acct and want me to use his debit card but does not understand how much trouble i can get into for all of that, i have no power over his money and do not want to touch a dime in fear that it will come back to bite me in the butt legally. I want guardianship due to him being noncompliant and needing placed in a home but not sure what to do

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If you want to be the guardian go to a good elder attorney. Be carefull some lawyers can try and name another guardian (professional) This can be the biggest nightmare of your life. ( I know ) This other person can do whatever they want and you would have no say so at all.... about care or anything, they could depleat your father's money very quickly. They're are many horror stories out there with professional guardians....
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Guardianship is purposively NOT that easy to get, and that is a good thing really. The courts look for less drastic other means first, like the POAs, it takes a lot of time, energy and money. Be careful using that debit card, personally I wouldn't, it can come back and bite you on your derriere. If I were you I'd pass on this, but to each his own.
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WOW your situation is complex; not unlike our own. However I think several posts made a lot of sense. We are looking at hiring an elder attorney too, and no one has the money for it :(. Even if we get it back it's going to be difficult, and we're lots older. I agree - if you are only 21, guardianship is not the way for you to go. However a competent legal advisor can point you in the right direction. Talking to his doctors (as previously mentioned) is good; as well as getting anything in writing from them that they will agree to regarding his condition. Godspeed and hugs.
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First of all, use the debit card. Just keep all receipts. Then go to your local Probate Court, file for guardianship, use some of his money to file the papers (about $250), and ask for medical emergency orders from the Court. Since you have medical POA, this will probably be granted as soon as possible. Without a liver one dies, and without a liver transplant one dies. Either way, hospice is done free of charge. Anyone charging you (your dad) is both immoral and probably illegal (depending on where you live). Take a deep, deep breath, and request your aunt in CA to give you financial POA and you will release her of her burden. He lives with you not her. You are on the front battle grounds and need to either take full responsibility or hand them over to someone who can. The Court can also appoint a conservator. Either way, if you are not medically trained, having him with you puts you in over your head and his doctors should be willing to give him an antipsychotic drug to control his behaviors. Keep trying to get hospice services because his life hangs in the balance, and you want him to die with dignity and with palliative care. God bless your efforts!
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The aunt and you need to see an elder law attorney to see if you can be the POA for finances as well as the person in charge of his care. I think she can use some of his funds currently to cover his medical/non medical costs while he is in hospital or living with you or a facility near you. I don't think she can get in trouble for using some of his funds to assist your transportation costs to & from where he is hospitalized because given his mental/physical state your are his chosen medical help contact. You can only perform this type of duty by being present to comfort him, observe his treatment and speak to his doctors.

You and your aunt can keep records and get a ledger to write down how his money is being used for his welfare. Long run, I think you as the daughter need to get control of the financial POA since your father no longer lives near your aunt and it will be difficult to coordinate his care without any funds as not everything is paid for by Medicare or other insurances.

Good luck. I hope his health improves a bit so caregiving isn't too difficult. See if the doctor thinks he will be able to get off the catheter. Hospitals are quick to but these in place but men "of a certain age" have really difficulty getting off them. Men tend to find them very depressing.
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If he is deemed competent you can not do anything. You can get the financial POA from your Aunt if your dad agrees. I see you are 21, too much for you in my opinion. The durable power of attorney is the one you need, if he is able to do so now, get it and then when the time comes you can take over when he is deemed incompetent. Guardianship is expensive and a long road for you at 21. Get an attorney to help you.
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Yes, a conservatorship/guardianship can be done but it's an expensive proposition even if you eventually will recoup the money from your dad's funds.

With the medical and financial powers of attorney in place, you have ALL you need unless your dad objects. Doctors are reluctant to follow the instructions of the agent if the principal is objecting.

If you could find some quiet time with your dad, possibly with some medication (hint) to help make him less anxious and explain to him how refusing is just going to cost him money, that the doctors are taking it out of your hands if your dad won't cooperate. If heartfelt, you might get through to him but you have to stay calm and assertive and encourage him to make the right decision.

My grandmother died in 1926 of generic "female cancer". My aunt alcohol dementia always said if anything like that happen to her she kill herself. She had a prolapsed uterus, so bad it was virtually inside out in her bladder was collapsing. She obviously needed surgery but pitched a real fit. The Dr understood the situation, prescribed some ativan and let us talk in private. It's difficult to reason with a dementia patient but sometimes you can if you hit the right buzzwords. With my aunt, it was all about money. When she realized what it was going to cost HER to continue objecting, she relented and told the doctor she wanted to go ahead with the hysterectomy. By the next day she has changed your mind again but we had another little talk about the money and she eventually ended up in surgery. It helps to have an understanding and cooperative doctor (hint).
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My husband and I obtained guardianship of my MIL three months ago after she refused all help. We contacted the area office on aging in PA where she lived. A social worker was assigned as she was in such bad shape. She was extremely helpful and gave us a list of elder care attorneys. We chose an attorney who walked us through the procedure. We had to pay him up front but learned that, once given guardianship, we could ask the court to reimburse us for the cost of the attorney as well as any expenses we paid to help her (keep your receipts!). Hotels, gas, ect may be able to be reimbursed as well. Consult with your attorney for your state's rules. The initial outlay was $3000 but it was well worth it. It won't make dealing with your Dad any easier from a personal standpoint but as far as finances and designating where he will live it makes all the difference. You will have to make regular reports to the courts to show how the money is being used and the health/welfare condition of your father but there are forms online (in PA) so they're not difficult (but they do require that you are organized). Start with your area office on aging and let them guide you. Best of luck.
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