My Father (77) has prostrate, bone and spinal cancer. The doctor told us that he was not a candidate for chemotherapy. Now what?

Jerry, why would your Dad need care? What is it that he isn't able to do for himself now? That are some side effects to radiation, and with hormonal shot therapy the men will get hot flashes. But after the treatment one usually gets back to a normal routine.... same with the bypass surgeries.... or is the main issue the major strokes? Did your Dad have physical therapy with each one?

If your Dad isn't mobile enough to help with his own daily routine, then it is time to hire paid caregivers to come in to help, or time to place Dad in a continuing care facility under self-pay or Medicaid. Sad that he is going through all that, he is still pretty young by today's standards.

Certainly the docs have a recommendation...?

As FF says, at-home care or self-pay or Medicaid nursing home care. The only question is whether palliative care or hospice is appropriate.

I am very sorry. It's hard...

A merciful God hides the future in misty darkness. In this case, alas, it appears the future is now. From what I understand of what you are saying, your dad has stage IV cancer and doctors may well be saying it is just a matter of time.. Perhaps looking into hospice at some point a little more down the road may be appropriate . +1 on both comments previous to mine....The able people get the burdens. Bless you all.

Grace + Peace,
Bob

Jerrye
Hearing that news is hard. You have options. I suggest you find a social services advisor. Hospice sounds appreciate at this time. Quality of life and pain management for your father;along with respite for you and your mom. Aging Life Care Professionals ( Geriatric Care Manager) maybe helpful as well.

Jerrye, the message is hard but from what you said I believe the doctor is saying that it's time to focus on making the time left the best possible. That may mean going on hospice care if pain becomes an issue. Hospice isn't only for the last days or weeks. People who have a terminal disease that is likely to give them six months or less of life will qualify. It may be time to look at having fun with your dad and enjoying the time he has left. If he cannot care for himself at this time, then look into in-home care to come into the home for both of your parents.

There is a time for all of us when we need to re-focus our thoughts on how to live the life we have left rather than chase after another treatment that won't work but will make the person receiving it miserable. It sounds as if the doctor is wise enough to see this.

If your family has a spiritual background, now may be the time to call on the pastor or Rabbi for some help. It definitely sounds like a time for the family to focus on love and life which facing the reality that your father's life is limited.

I apologize if I'm misreading your question but if I understand it right, my advice is to focus on making the next months about your father's life and comfort.
Take care of yourself, too.
Carol

Have you tried the Gerson method?
Angel

I would recommend watching the PBS Frontline special, Being Mortal, or reading the book of the same name by Dr. Atul Gawande. It might provide some insight into the journey you are now on with your family. pbs./wgbh/pages/frontline/being-mortal/

Jerry, I would ask your father's oncologist what options are available. If he's not a candidate for chemo, what about maintenance meds? But also ask wha stages each of these cancers are, and what the prognoses are so you know whether to consider hospice or make other plans.

I would also contact your closest Gilda's Club and join, whether you join or your father does. You'll get a lot of support from this organization.

And contact the CURE magazine or visit the website and start reading some of its diversified articles. I would provide the website URL but the last time I did the Admins deleted it. So Google CURE, cancer magazine. I've found this magazine very helpful. Some of the articles are very technical; some are very practical.

What is the Gerson method?

I googled it..nutrition based. no animal products. No widespread scientific tests made but many anecdotal "evidences" and also some testimonials. No stats...I looked on Wikipedia

Grace + peace,
Bob

Your father has had God on his side for many years and only he knows when he will take him for now its pain management and making his life as comfortable as well as loving family he needs home help is need if not now in time as for when its up to god we will all enter into these last days our self but how and when can n OK t be said I would pray and thank god for the days he has had with you and the days to come your mom is old and your no spring chicken ether but just keep in mind if you where him what you would want it won't be a impersonal nursing home I bet it would be your dear ones around you laying in your bed and watching the sun rise and set on the day from your rocker gently napping untill you are called to heaven

Hospice requirements have changed. You no longer have to be diagnoised with six months to live. Talk to his doctor. There are Hospice homes and Hospice in the home.

JoAnn29, could you point us to some documentation of the new requirements? For Medicare, everything I look up still hinges on a 6-month diagnosis. In cases that are very hard to predict longevity, such as dementia, there are long lists of factors to consider. I understand that some private hospice insurance may not include the 6-month requirement. Many people do stay on hospice much longer than 6 months -- it is recognized that no diagnosis can predict exactly one's life expectancy, but medical personnel must specify that "if the disease runs it usual course" the person will probably die within 6 months.

I'd really like to know more about this change, JoAnn. Can you suggest where to look?

I am not up to date on the current requirements for hospice care but in general the
patient should have a diagnosis that is likely to end their life in six months or less. There are set benefit periods and at the end of each the hospice team will review the patients condition and if they are no longer appropriate in terms of their illness they will be discharged, however their is no bar to readmission should the condition worsen. This is solely related to the illness not how much help is required for the patient in the home. Extra help such as aides or physical therapy has to be obtained through other sources as does any equipment hospice provided such as a bed or oxygen. This is only an inconvenience because these things will now be prescribed by the PCG and the company supplying them may be different but they will still be available.
As far as the original poster's father is concerned now as others have said is the time to enjoy whatever time he has left and no longer try and make him do things "that are good for him" decline any tests for which you would not be a candidate for treatment anyway. help the the patient achieve any goals they have such as visiting certain places and seeing loved ones and patching up old quarrels. The spiritual part is also very important so give the patient access to a spiritual advisor of his choice preferably one he is familiar with of his own faith. Medications are no longer very important, except to control pain and things like nausea, depression or anxiety. It is important to have enough support for the caregiving who is often also elderly and overwhelmed on many fronts.

Jeanne, my daughter is an RN in a Rehab/nursing facility in Delaware. She told me the criteria had changed. She has patients that were reevaluated and considered Hospice elligiable. Her explanation, they don't have to be dying just die from what is wrong with them. One patient had been with them five years with the same problem she was now OK'd for Hospice. Call a Hospice center or a home Hospice. Ask if they have info on the criteria.

Hospice are angels. I have used them with my mother. Such caring people. My heart goes out to you. I would just explain to your father the best you can that your mom cant give him the care he needs and that a nursing home would give him care 24/7. Its hard to see our parents go thru the end of their journey. You have to love him enough to let go. Assure him your mother will be taken care of, its important for him to know this. The hardest thing I had to tell my dad was, when it gets so hard for you to go on its ok to let go, I promise to take care of mama..That gave him comfort beyond belief. I am sending prayers of strength to you and your family. God be with you during this time.

It's _so_ painfully hard to go through this!
We always want to hope there might be something other that might help.

There MIGHT be potential alternative therapies, including nutritional, and numerous other options, which MIGHT help improve quality of life, if not help stop the progression of the disease. Sometimes, it's hard to determine what might be the best options, which might need input from someone familiar with those, who can help sort out what might be better than others.

Might want to check out "Cancer, the Emperor of all Maladies" 3-part documentary on Netflix. MUCH information, especially in the last segment, talking about immune-therapy--which is still too commonly never done, even now.

If you want more information about possible alternatives, send me a "hug" here, and I can share what I know/have experienced/witnessed....no promises, no sales, just information/education.

Meanwhile, Please follow up on the Hospice.
It sounds like he could sure use it, and so could you.
Hospice was a great help with my Mom's last spouse; I've heard only good from anyone who's had the misfortune to need them.

I would ask his oncologist and not this site.

I'm not saying that a good diet may not help someone feel better, or at least make them feel like they are doing "something" but, see sciencebasedmedicine.org/the-not-so-beautiful-untruth-about-the-gerson-therapy-and-cancer-quackery/

You can get a second opinion and make sure that they are not just assuming your Dad's life is low quality and not worth it vs there being no chemo that would work that he would tolerate.

Get a second, third, or fourth opinion if you have to. Never take no for an answer! If the doctors feel that your father is terminal and you feel the same way, too just remember the good lives you and your father had together