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The throat evolutionist said my mom needs a feeding tube through the stomach for awhile till it can come out. The throat evolutionist said she exasperates. My mother never had this problem before. But then again she just got out of ICU it's been a week about and she still they said shes having a hard time swallowing. They been trying to give her soft foods for a few days to see if she can. I'm lost and don't know what the right thing to do. She is 87. She looks weak but after what shes been through from nursing home neglect and ICU. I be too. What now? Should I take her home and do it MY WAY. Every time i do she gets better but the only thing too she can't walk and weak right now. Plus she needs 24 hr care right now or put her back again in a Nursing home I'm scared. And scared for her. I am sad to have to put her through any more misery and don't know what to do. Then again doing it there way with the feeding tube might be hard on her might kill her also.

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Ask mom what she wants, ask her to be honest. I am 62 and have already said NO feeding tubes, NO pacemakers, NO ventilators. If she is aspirating, she will eventually get pneumonia. If her dementia is too far gone for her to answer sensibly, I would take her home with Hospice and leave the rest to God.
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Before your mom's dementia, did she express any wishes about how she was to be cared for when she got in rough medical shape? For example, my mom has already told me in no uncertain terms that she doesn't want any extra measures taken. She has a DNR (do not resuscitate) order in place. My mom would NOT want a feeding tube; she would be ready to go.

If she continues to aspirate fluid into her lungs, she'll get pneumonia and that would probably be pretty hard on her. Have they tried giving her thickened fluids? Have they done a swallow test at all? My dad had trouble aspirating fluids after a stroke paralyzed one side of his throat. He did ok eating solid foods and drinking thickened fluids. But your mom has dementia and may not be able to regain her ability to swallow.

Not to be harsh, but your mom is 87 with dementia. Even if she gets better in the short-term, her overall outlook isn't promising. I personally would go with the solution that keeps your mom comfortable and causes her the least pain. Getting her better only to have her go back into the nursing home because she needs 24 hour care is just prolonging the eventual outcome. It might be time to call in hospice and keep her comfortable and pain free and let nature take its course. But only you know if that's the right solution for you and your mom. Whatever you decide, you're doing the very best you can, so don't feel guilty or second-guess yourself. Your mom is lucky to have you as her caregiver.
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Hi lightedpumpkin, my Mom signed her health care proxy before she got dementia and said no feeding tube. I will be in that situation also some time but I will spoon feed as much as I can until she wants no more. Hospitals and nursing homes dont give the care we do. Right now I feed my Mom her coffee 1/2 teaspoon at a time. I puree just like smooth pudding her meals too, her swallowing is getting pretty bad. Do what your heart tells you to do, she could live years on a feeding tube but what quality of life is that? Hugs
RR
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What I meant was the throat evaluation lady at the hospital said she needs a feeding tube
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