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I got a call from my mom that she has been praying for me to call her home situation has gotten worse. She has Parkinson ( and has not been taking her meds) she is not able to walk. My dad is having problems is becoming combative towards my mom and has no memory of making appointments etc.

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If your mom can't walk due to the Parkinsons she is unable to care for her own personal hygiene or getting her own meals. Is Dad taking care of all this and doing the shopping cleaning and laundry? Would they be financially able to have housekeeping and personal care services. You clearly have quite a task on hands.
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When a parent is diagnosed with something serious like Parkinson's disease, of course the adult children should know. It's not like it's dandruff or a wart. It's Parkinson's, for Pete's sake!
As for "other issues," if one aging parent is abusing the other by being verbally or physically threatening, refusing to administer medication, or any of the other objectionable things the dad is doing, then yes indeed, the children should know.
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I don't blame your sibs for not getting involved in this mess. You are going to have to set boundaries or you will go nuts. You are right, you cannot make your folks do anything. I had to wait until Mother went to the hospital after a fall. Fortunately, her doctors did not let her go home. But, you have both parents .... I can't imagine.
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Marie, you really are watching a train wreck in slow motion. Sorry this is happening to you and your family. And in a way what you are doing is keeping the wheels nice and shiny while it rolls along, but what you are asking us is whether someone else can put on the brakes. The short answer to that is no, not unless someone asks them to and has the necessary evidence that it is indicated. You may have better luck with getting a medical recommendation to stop driving and a license revocation if your dad should not be driving. Dad's - and Mom's - rights to refuse outside help theoretically end where they are a threat to themselves and/or others, and not before...plus our system of service will err on the side of individuals retaining their rights to self-determination.

I'll be blunt here too. Twice a week plus phone calls may not be enough for this situation. They may be close to needing full time supervision and you have to ask yourself if they would respond appropriately to an emergency. Can Mom reach a phone at all times? Is there food in the fridge, fit to eat? Are bills being paid? Can you make transportation arrangements so appointments are not cancelled? Mom might be walking if she could get her meds. Maybe things objectively are not that bad yet, and you overstated your case, but it is likely heading that way.

No, you can't force anyone to grant POA, but you may have to step in and get guardianship. And if Dad does not give her meds and physically abuses her, yes you get APS and realize that she will likely deny it to them so you will have to have evidence. She is forgetting about the unworn clothes in her closet, and you could probably fool her by bringing out something with the tag still on and act like it was new. She will probably say that it is nice and that if you put it in the closet she will try it on later. Look, both your parents are experiencing physical and/or cognitive decline and are not going to be able to make all their own decisions in the very near future. You not only have to help them, you have to take charge of them. I wanted so much just to respect my mom's wishes and not do anything she did not want done, but ultimately, it finally became clear to me that what she wanted was not going to be possible, and she could not realize it because her judgement had become so poor and thought processes so confused. I had to start calling the shots. I gave her choices about anything that was reasonable, and bought her a few little things she didn't need along the way, but that's what POAs and guardianships are for unfortunately, to run the show for someone you love when they can't run it any more without running it into the ground. Your hands are not tied because your mom says your dad is a good man. It is not about him being a good man, it is about him lacking the judgement and the empathy to take care of himself and her. Get advice and information from a geriatric center or social services agency, find out what your real options are.

And don't be too quick to blame your siblings - they are not seeing what you are seeing, they may be in way more denial than you are, and probably don't want to overrule your mom and ad any more than you do. Maybe, if you lay things out in a family meeting, Skype or regular phone if not in person, they might end up strongly supporting any move to be made towards guardianship or anything else.

Welcome to the next stage of caregiving. Yeah, sometimes it's rewarding when what you do makes a difference and when you can say to yourself "I put my big girl panties on and did what needed to be done." And sometimes it sucks. Believe me, we know. BTW - Do you have good support with your own home crew?
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I'm not surprised that a parent doesn't tell children everything about their health or other issues. I think that we hope our parents don't know everything about us either!
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Also I am checking in on them twice a week. Calling and they call me. I hope it does not come across on this post I am not doing the best I can! I am going above and beyond to help them. You can not force someone to give you power of attorney. But the steps I have taken in the past days will make a difference in their quality of life! As you all know the care giver's job is rewarding but also demanding! I am also trying to take care of myself and my family!
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Dad's attorney had no idea what was going on, he did his will decades ago. I called her to let her know I am trying to do everything to help them have a better quality of life (safety, medically and with their hygiene) asked if she could help talk to mom and dad to see about someone getting power of attorney. The other attorney is an elder care law attorney she has been suggesting things that could help me. My mother had breast cancer and did not tell us girls. I have parents who have not be honest with not only the medical professionals but family! My father would not put me on the HIIPA list until 3 years ago! No she would not go shopping she wanted me to buy them for her! There is a long history of problems with both parents that I believe have contributed to some mental health issues. When I went over the day I called, I asked her if dad has ever hit her. She said no, he just is yelling and being loud. When I said well I need to talk to the Dr. about dad maybe something is going on, she says please don't your father is a good man! This is a very co dependent enabling relationship always has been. He will not give any of us power of attorney! I am just trying to make sure their health and well being is being taken care of. Steps are being taken as I type to make a difference. APS is a possibility! Thank you Vegas lady for your concern!
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I don't understand your last post. You've done everything but have two lawyers working on what? She wasn't getting her Parkinson meds, but you didn't know she had Parkinsons. She can't walk but you are going to take her clothes shopping to add to the unused ones in the closet? Was it mom or dad who refused meds for mom? If him, who gave him that right? It sounds like both have brain issues, dementia or something. Does it matter which one is "lying" if mom is praying for help and dad is combative towards her? How about APS?
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Thank you all for the great words of wisdom! Question answered, do not live at in my parents home live about 15 minutes away. I also watch my only grandbaby 2 days a week. I was a facilitator for a Caregivers Support Group! I made their Dr. appointments and took them yesterday! The Dr. said when my mother was given her diagnosis of Parkinson (which she has had and we never knew) she or he refused the medicine! 'It also has been brought to my attention that when they are observed in a Dr.'s office or hospital setting they both tell different stories as to what is going on, He said it is hard to know who is telling the truth and who is lying! So things are in motion we have to take baby steps because of rights! Right now I have done everything in my power to keep them alive it seems they do not want what is best. They want to be left alone, except when they need me (like to get her hair done) She would not go to the Dr unless I got her an appointment. So my day was so hectic doing all of this in the end they want to go back home are tired of me making Dr. appointments and expect me to do their running like hair appointments or buying her close when she has a closet full with the tags still on! This is not your normal care giver situation. It is like watching a train wreck in slow motion! I also have two attorneys trying to sort things out.I am blessed with a wonderful husband adult children, and friends!
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Doctors do not remove them from their home. If they are also in Butler PA, call the Butler County social services and ask them to check their welfare. If the social worker sees they are in an unsafe situation, she can pursue a court order for them to move to a facility.
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It sounds to me like you aren't really taking care of them. Mom prays that you'll call so she can tell you things are bad? Where are you in frequency of looking in on them? Get a POA at least from mom. What is the health problem with dad? It makes sense for the siblings to ask someone with easy access to check on the parents. If you aren't up to it, let the their doctor know what is going on. Tell your siblings you can't / won't handle things. So, do they want to step in or have you call APS to check on your parents?
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As the main caregiver you need to obtain your parents' Power of Attorney right away.
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More information would be helpful.

Do you want a doctor, or someone else, to intervene and (a) remove either parent from the home (b) do a welfare check and try to mediate the situation (c) make diagnoses of their conditions? It sounds as if both are deteriorating.

You write that you "almost" apparently had both your parents in an (assisted living??) facility but apparently your father (?) removed your mother and brought her home?

Is there some reason your mother won't take her Parkinson's meds, or is it because your father controls the medications regimen?

Your profile states that you're caring for your mother - are you living there in the home with both of them?

They need some intervenion, immediately, but I'm not sure a doctor is the appropriate one unless you want him/her to make a referral to Adult Protective Services so your parents don't blame you. But APS is more typically involved in situations like this.

I sense though that it may come down to your mother vs. your father. Apparently no powers of attorney have been executed? So no one has authority to act on behalf of either of your parents?

You may have to file for guardianship to protect your mother, but your father also needs help.

I think I would first call APS and ask what they can do to help.
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Just wanted to share there Is no power of attorney. I am the child taking care of them, my other siblings can not take time to do anything. Because their excuse is they live out of state and since I am here it is my responsibility! So as of now not talking to the siblings they have made my life terrible. We almost my parents in a great apartment in the personal care facility he just removed her from( against the Drs. orders). He told everyone he will take care of her. )! Not sure he is giving her her meds, nor taking his. Just had to reschedule all his and her appointments because they cancel them. Mom will not ride in a car with him but will not tell him! So need guidance.
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