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He has it in his brain that she wants to commit suicide. He handed her a knife once and pills another time. We are concerned about her safety. When she came home, he thought she wasn’t as sick as she was and tried to walk her into the den and she fell to the floor! He changes constantly; When we tell him what he’s done he doesn’t remember and will start smacking himself in the forehead. He is currently in the VA hospital has been there for a week. Psychiatrists are evaluating him and say it’ll only get worse. We’re concerned about the money in the bank that was being saved for inheritance for the four kids. Since Medicaid checks your bank account for the last five years, I was told they will take it. Mom still needs prescriptions here at home, house payments, electricity and all that stuff, and food. Her son and her great granddaughter live with her also.

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Reply to BarbBrooklyn
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Inheritance?! When your folks need care thAt you cannot provide. Their care comes FIRST. Your inheritance is not inheritance until they pass away.

Don't take the money, either, that will get you in legal trouble. It is called financial exploitation of a vulnerable person.
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Reply to gladimhere
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Each state has rules on the division of finances. See a lawyer to preserve some of mom's share of assets and for how to procede with the Medicaid application. Parents have to pay their way first. Any gifting will mean dad will be delayed care and someone from the family will have to care for both. One or 2 of the sibs must decide who will be gathering the financials in preparation.
Also, with dad's behavior, he is less qualified for AL and may be required to go into a lock down facility, possibly psychiatric Alzheimer's nursing care, Get ready for a bumpy ride, lots of drama, and no inheritance.
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Reply to MACinCT
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If Dad needs to go to assisted living or memory care, please see a certified elder attorney in your area. The attorney will know how to best handle your parents estate so enough money will be left for Mom. Please don't think about any money being left for inheritance, just focus on how to best take care of your parents.
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Reply to mstrbill
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The bottom line is that you can’t have your cake and eat it too. Medicaid does ‘look backs’ for a reason, otherwise there would be people who abuse the system. There has to be a spending down to quality for it.

I am glad that you are taking advantage of the VA services. You could continue to look into utilizing more VA services. They have senior homes. I know a few people who have been satisfied living in VA homes. They loved living among others who served. There is common ground.

Speak to a social worker at the hospital for advice regarding future care. Speak to the VA about any possible benefits. Keep reaching out.

Assisted living is not cheap and you will have to pay for it. It’s hard to pay for everything on a limited budget.

I understand that your mom needs income to live. As far as inheritance, that’s another story. You are not entitled to an inheritance.

Ask yourself what your priorities are, your father’s care or an inheritance for his children?

His bank account is filled with his money that he earned. What if you were in your father’s shoes? How would you want the money to be spent?

I think your dad’s money should be used towards his care.

Adult children should be responsible for their own lives and not depend on their parent’s income or expect others to pay for their father’s care.

Life doesn’t offer any free rides. There are benefits in certain situations, even with those you must qualify. There are stipulations that apply.

It’s nice if there are no health conditions and money can be passed down but life doesn’t always work out that way.

Best wishes to you and your family.
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Reply to NeedHelpWithMom
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I do want to clarify .... " Medicaid is not for the poor."
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Reply to haileybug
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FloridaDD Oct 2, 2020
Medicaid has income tests, and for long term care, asset tests.  They may be at a level that you do not consider poor, many would disagree.
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Assets are for their care. Not your inheritance.
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Reply to Bridger46164
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Worried response to me had me do some research. Looks like getting into a VA home is not easy. And in some instances the Vet may have to pay.

https://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/veterans-eligibility-va-nursing-home-care.html#:~:text=In%20some%20cases%2C%20the%20VA,cost%20of%20the%20veteran's%20care.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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worriedinCali Oct 2, 2020
There are many nursing homes that are contracted with the VA & the VA covers in full for veterans that are eligible. It’s not that difficult to get in to a VA home unless there are waitlists.
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People who can afford to leave an inheritance don’t generally qualify for Medicaid. Not trying to sound harsh but Medicaid is for the poor. If you want your dad to go to assisted living, he is going to have to apply for a Medicaid waiver and even then, he probably won’t be able to afford assisted living because Medicaid in your state doesn’t cover room & board. When his Medicaid eligibility is determined, your mother will be allowed to keep a portion of their assets and enough of their income so that she can remain in the home. You might be better off trying to get your dad in to a VA nursing home with the VA footing the bill, that way Medicaid won’t be necessary. Otherwise if he has to go on Medicaid in the next 5 years, yes Medicaid will look at all their financials and your children will probably not get an inheritance because that money will have to be spent down in order for your dad to qualify for Medicaid. The time to shield assets is 5+ years before you need Medicaid.
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Reply to worriedinCali
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Isthisrealyreal Oct 2, 2020
No, you should never shield assets. That is so scummy it is unbelievable.

Where do people think all this money comes from, taxpayers that is who pays the bills if you are unethical enough to hide your assets.
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This is a "hot" topic on this forum when "inheritance" is mentioned. When parents need care, there is no inheritance. Medicaid is for those that have limited resources. Any assets parents have needs to be used for their care.

First, I would not allow Dad to return home. He is a threat to your Mother. Ask to see if he can be transferred to a VA nursing facility.

Consult with a lawyer well versed in Medicaid. If Dad is in a facility then Mom would become the Community Spouse. As such, the martial assets can be split. Dads half will need to be spent down on his care and then Medicaid can be applied for. Your Mom will be able to pay her bills. She will not be made impoverished. She will be able to stay in the home. You need to understand what you can and can't do if Medicaid is ever needed.

Medicaid does not "take" anything. But those seeking help with paying for LTC facility need to spend what they have before Medicaid will pay. Medicaid is a program for those people who have no money. Whatever you do have needs to go for your care. That includes SS and any pension you receive. Medicaid pays their share and they expect the recipient to pay theirs. They don't count a house in the assets but if there is no one residing in it or someone willing to pay the upkeep and bills, then u may as well sell it, at Market Value, and use the proceeds for the persons care.

Medicaid, in most states, does not pay for ALs or MCs. These are private pay. In my State they may pay if you have at least paid 2 yrs privately and that depends on if the facility takes Medicaid and if they do if they have met their quota of medicaid rooms. ALs can go from 5k a month up. Doubt if Dad gets that kind of SS. In some places there are Board and Care that may take just the SS. Since we have none where I live, not sure how that works. There are members who have a LO in a B&C so maybe they will chime in.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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worriedinCali Oct 2, 2020
Dad won’t need Medicaid if he goes to a VA facility. The VA will pay for it.
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