Dad’s 96 and has many things going on medically. He gave me, his youngest child, the daunting task of being his POA, medical POA and Trustee. The last year and a half has been a blur of selecting an ALF, moving him from his home of 40+ years, going through everything he ever owned & deciding what to keep and what was estate sale, selling his house & car, helping him adjust to AL life, activating LTC insurance, applying for VA benefit and helping him through the various stages of his ailments night and day. It’s a difficult, time consuming, and pretty much a thankless task. I was recently told I am depressed. Shouldn’t come as a big surprise but it still made me angry. Everyone depends on me for literally everything when it comes to dad. Easily the hardest task I’ve ever undertaken. I have awful thoughts these days which brings on guilt. Although I’ve been told these secret thoughts, as dark as they are, are normal and most long term caregivers have them. They come from the ups and downs of hearing, your dad is dying and then your dad’s doing much better. For 9 months I’ve been stuck on this ride. I’m sad, angry, unable to cope, scream at my husband or anyone who challenges my caregiving or decisions. I am tired and at the end of my rope. No I won’t do anything to harm myself. I believe in God and Jesus and hope to make it to heaven one day. Last week I was told he probably has 30-45 days left. At his age, I’ve wondered many times if this will be our last Christmas, birthday and so on. Today WILL be our last Father’s Day! Bittersweet 😢. So I’m going to say, thanks dad for teaching me how to fish, ride motorcycles, and how to drive a stick shift. (I’m female) Thanks for teaching me how to change a tire, spark plugs and many other auto related things. Thanks for being the father figure my boys needed so desperately. And even though I’ve hated it at many times, thank you for trusting me to take care of you and all of your affairs. Thanks for being my dad through thick and thin. Thanks for loving me. Even though he’s had a long and happy life, I cannot wrap my head around all the “last” things I’m getting ready to experience... starting today. I am preparing myself to go spend our last Father’s Day together. Please pray for me and my dad.