What type of negative feelings? Like, the sibling is telling Mom that she shouldn't be there? Trying to override decisions that you have made? Telling Mom that you are wrong?
Are you POA? Is the Nurse and/or staff telling you that sibling's visits are upsetting to Mom and that they have problems with Mom after sibling leaves. If so, then your POA gives you the authority , in Moms best interest, to ban that sibling from the building.
This is a common topic on the forum, siblings being banned from seeing a parent because of POA abusing their authority. Sometimes just for spite. This I do not agree with, but when a child continues to upset a person suffering from Dementia by being negative, this is abuse. And you as the POA have every right to ban that person. The Facility has a right to ban that person especially if POA OKs the ban.
Maybe you can ask the Nurse to talk to this sibling. Explaining they are doing more damage than good. I would also tell that sibling, that if they feel they can do a better job then they are welcome to remove Mom from the AL and care for her themselves. But to remember, you as POA hold the financial strings. Mom is not competent to assign a new POA and you are not resigning. If that is not an option for them, then to stop with the negativity or you are banning them from seeing Mom in her best interest.
The goal is to keep a dementia patient calm & happy at all costs. If the elder is being exposed to someone who is expressing negative feelings, that will likely make the elder feel upset and anxiety ridden herself. This sibling should not be 'sharing negative feelings' in front of their parent who is suffering from dementia, that's for sure! That's just common sense. I don't know of an article that discusses such a thing, but perhaps you can get the doctor to speak to your sibling about what NOT to do with your parent!
The Alzheimer's Association has put out an article about caregiver grief/emotions and what it looks like. Here is a link to it:
Good points, Lea. Excessive negativity will start to grate on everyone’s nerves, especially someone with dementia.
Everyone does handle grief differently. It may be worth a shot to try and meet this person where they are in a non threatening way, to explain how upsetting their behavior is for a person with dementia.
In some cases, people truly don’t realize what they are doing and how it effects others. They are too wrapped up in their own emotions, so they don’t see the impact that it has on others.
Great idea of having someone neutral speak to them, such as the doctor. It could be in a group setting and spoken about generally, if they fear the person will feel singled out, or done privately if they feel that is best.
It will help them, by showing them better ways to express their grief, and where it won’t be counterproductive in regard to caring for a family member with dementia.
Are you specifically asking this question in regard to your mom having dementia or in general of how sibling conflicts/negativity effects a parent? Personally, I feel not having harmony in relationships effects everyone involved. Negativity drains all of us. Can you meet with a therapist to discuss the situation? They may be able to offer coping skills on how to deal with this situation.
We don’t have any power to change anyone else’s behavior. We can change our reaction to it. We can limit our exposure to negativity or go ‘no contact’ if necessary.
Are you POA? Is the Nurse and/or staff telling you that sibling's visits are upsetting to Mom and that they have problems with Mom after sibling leaves. If so, then your POA gives you the authority , in Moms best interest, to ban that sibling from the building.
This is a common topic on the forum, siblings being banned from seeing a parent because of POA abusing their authority. Sometimes just for spite. This I do not agree with, but when a child continues to upset a person suffering from Dementia by being negative, this is abuse. And you as the POA have every right to ban that person. The Facility has a right to ban that person especially if POA OKs the ban.
Maybe you can ask the Nurse to talk to this sibling. Explaining they are doing more damage than good. I would also tell that sibling, that if they feel they can do a better job then they are welcome to remove Mom from the AL and care for her themselves. But to remember, you as POA hold the financial strings. Mom is not competent to assign a new POA and you are not resigning. If that is not an option for them, then to stop with the negativity or you are banning them from seeing Mom in her best interest.
The Alzheimer's Association has put out an article about caregiver grief/emotions and what it looks like. Here is a link to it:
https://www.alz.org/media/documents/alzheimers-dementia-caregiver-emotions-ts.pdf
We all handle grief differently; could it be that your sibling is processing their grief in front of your parent and that is what you are witnessing?
Wishing you the best of luck with a tough situation.
Everyone does handle grief differently. It may be worth a shot to try and meet this person where they are in a non threatening way, to explain how upsetting their behavior is for a person with dementia.
In some cases, people truly don’t realize what they are doing and how it effects others. They are too wrapped up in their own emotions, so they don’t see the impact that it has on others.
Great idea of having someone neutral speak to them, such as the doctor. It could be in a group setting and spoken about generally, if they fear the person will feel singled out, or done privately if they feel that is best.
It will help them, by showing them better ways to express their grief, and where it won’t be counterproductive in regard to caring for a family member with dementia.
We don’t have any power to change anyone else’s behavior. We can change our reaction to it. We can limit our exposure to negativity or go ‘no contact’ if necessary.