Do you ever wish just one time that the person for whom you are responsible said thank you?

Gratitude? S’matter’chu? Some parents/people just don’t have it in them.

My parents simply expected me to drop everything to serve them (way before they were old and needed help.) Have you heard the saying, “if wishes and buts were candy and nuts, we’d all have a merrier christmas?” It was near the holidays when I decided to thank myself. Everytime my father would fail to thank me, I would drop a bite-sized candy into a bowl. On days I was particularly distressed, I would have a candy. Ok, this was almost everyday, and my endophins thanked me (and I pretended my waistline did, too.) 

Probably not the best substitution, but now that I am no longer caregiving, it makes me more cognizant of gratitude (giving and receiving) and I eat less chocolate.

So true. You are not alone. (((Hugs)))

I feel so bad for the many caregivers in your situation. Was your mother more thoughtful before the dementia? Maybe then it would help to remind yourself that she is no longer in her mind.

Do you think it might be partly denial of her failing strength and abilities?
"Thank you so much, dear, you did a good job."
"Huh , that wasn't any big deal"
In her mind, which of those sentences preserves her illusions that she is still independent and runs the show?

I know a couple of elders who don't have the explanation of dementia who say things like, "Well I could have done that myself, you know. Stop interfering." Of course they couldn't have done it themselves, but that is a very, very hard thing to do.

Is she generally congenial except in the gratitude department?