Do you ever reflect on the day you became a caregiver and get the blues?

I most definitely have an still do feel like this, I am the youngest of 7 and have always been relied upon as being the "Rock" of my family, and although an admirable roll, I am tired..I have 2 job's and a family, as of 2 yrs ago after my only sister passed away, I've been giving the responsibility of caring for my 80 yr old mother with numerous health issues, and without a thought I let her move in my home believing how bad could it be, thinking"I can do this, I'm strong" now 4 yrs later, I'm bitter, angry, tired, irritated and feeling extremely overwhelmed, which is causing me to cry alone, and take my anger out on other's, leaving me feeling 10 yrs older, and unhappy with my life and having alot of resentment.

With Halloween approaching you've flashbacked to the traumatic visit to your aunt's last year whether it was intentionally or subconsciously. Then recalling the panic attack added to your mood. Maybe you associate some of these when you go to visit your mom. I feel that some counseling for PTSD would help you to learn how to deal with the past & help deal with future episodes of anxiety. It's good that you spoke with your husband about it & look to him for support while you're in therapy. Good luck to you.

The first time I had a full blown panic attack out of the blue was when my parents were coming to visit after I'd bought a brand new home and moved across the country. My mother was always an OCD clean freak....so I was in the bathroom scrubbing away.....a brand new home which was sparkling clean as it was......and felt struck with the knowledge that no matter how much I cleaned, it wouldn't pass muster with my mother. I wound up on the floor in the fetal position thinking I was having a heart attack and couldn't catch my breath. Terrible terrible feeling where the walls close in and everything feels magnified. Hard to put into words, right?

Years later, when my dad had a brain tumor and didn't know it, they had to move to Colo. to be close to me since he couldnt drive any more and my mother was way "too nervous" to take on that role herself, God forbid. That was September of 2011 and I cried so hard that day because I knew my freedom was over. And I was right. Dad passed in 2015 but my mother is still going strong at almost 94. Rarely a day goes by she doesn't give me grief about SOMETHING, even from her room in the Memory Care Assisted Living.

Yes. I have lots and lots of blue days reflecting on the day and time I became responsible for my mother's life back in Sept of 2011. My dad was a lovable human and I have no regrets about him.

xray,

My caregiving days are over but I get it. I had extreme anxiety. I got dizzy. My heart would race. My doctor doubled my blood pressure meds because my blood pressure was at an unhealthy level. I was sent to a heart specialist but those tests came back with normal results.

I had panic attacks and didn’t breathe properly. My therapist taught me breathing exercises. They do help.

Exercising helped me too. It’s a natural stress relief that releases endorphins.

Reflecting is normal. We should honor our feelings but it took therapy for me to learn to move forward. I was stuck. I was blind. I was sinking with the ship. It’s a bad feeling.

Wishing you all the best. Take time to process your feelings. Reach out for help when needed or you simply need to vent.

Go ahead and vent. Hey, remember in the 60’s having scream therapy? Hahaha 😂 I could have done that for a few minutes! LOL

Yes. Thinking back on how my best intentions blew up in my face. Thinking about people who I thought loved me dearly, but decided to use me until there was nothing left. Thinking about people who felt that I had an endless supply of good works to perform and would continue to do so in the face of criticism and even ridicule. People who thought I was their property. People who thought my energy and kindness could not run out and they could just keep asking/demanding as if I were a machine without emotions. People who felt that my "NO" would never stick. People who felt that I longed for and craved their "constructive criticism." Just today, I found out I'm being again hung out to dry (this time by people who barely know me) for not helping more with so and so (an elderly acquaintance in common). I am devastated by this assertion and I resent it that someone thinks they can judge the situation accurately!! By caring so deeply, I appear to bring out the worst in people who want more and more. If I were a mean witch, no one would want or expect anything! It's dehumanizing. Sometimes, I really understand why kind people stop caring. They simply can't continue to care. People are so ready to pounce and believe they have a right to my time, talents, and energy. Yes, I do get the blues and I have had panic attacks, headaches, and high blood pressure as well.

xray - I never had anxiety as bad as you to the point of collapsing. It must be horrible to have someone threaten your life and be fearful of being attacked. Wow! I can't imagine the anxiety you must have felt. So sorry you have to experience it and have it replay in your mind.

Have you talked about this with anyone? A close friend or a therapist?

You need distractions so you don't think about the event last year. A few suggestions: a good movie, a good book, cooking, baking, cleaning, organizing, etc.

Hope you feel better.