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My MIL is still in the family home. 89, with MCI. Not bathing, diabetic, not taking her blood sugar, just injecting insulin. Not eating her Meals on Wheels. Leaving them on the counter for days. Ordering Hershey bars by the box, and shortcake with whipped cream. Having severe bowel episodes. Not cleaning up after them, refuses to dress or even wear underwear. Answers the door to strangers in really nasty nightgown. We have set up a nurse to come in 3 times a week to bathe her and set up her meds. She has locked them out, not answered the door, been very uncooperative, and abusive. Husband finally hid a key so said nurse could come in and help her. She then started putting a chair under the doorknob.


MIL is constantly undermining everything the he has done to help her stay in home. Recently she has had a set back and SIL (finally) has taken MIL to her PCP. Asked repeatedly to please sign the POA to activate it so we can keep her safe. Her PCP who has been her Dr. for 1 1/2 years told SIL that she can't go into AL, but would actually need a NH. Still, very oddly enough, the Dr. would not activate the POA. Since then, we have tried another Dr. in the region we are hoping to move her to...Where we all live, 180 miles away. That Dr. was much more intuitive and diagnosed MCI. (It was a good day for her.) (She had a classic case of Show Timing. Not sure if that's the correct term, but she is a PRO! )He would not activate the POA either. Claiming my Husband was a "Rock Star" and to keep doing what he was doing and just up the nurse visits to 3 times a week. He also stated that MIL has dementia, but is fully aware of her poor decisions and decides to eat wrong of her own free will. He could not activate the POA just because someone CHOOSES to make bad decisions. My husband just turned 60 and has not been in the best of health and would like to have more assistance from his sister. He took his mom to her PCP after she suffered complete hearing loss suddenly a few weeks ago. Her PCP tried to clean out her ear wax, only to send them to a specialist. (I have no idea how this "Dr" missed it on all of the visits she had had previously) Again, my husband walked out into the lobby and begged for some help because the PCP ( the Dr. who said that MIL is in need of a skilled nursing facility perviously) stated that it was "Out of her ability" to deem that my MIL was not okay to stay home alone. HELP!!!!!!!!!

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OP has not returned after almost 2 months. Hopefully she was able to straighten this all out.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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MIL is living her life the way she wants and not caring what others think.
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Reply to shad250
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i think i misunderstood your question. Sorry. You need to take her to a gerontologist asap. They have Social Workers there who give cognitive tests that are measurable. If people score below a certain number, they are deemed mild, moderate or severe. The Gerontologist is your friend. I have taken both my parents to the same one. I just set up an appt. for my MIL for cognitive testing with the same office. That Dr's office can write letters in your behalf. But do your research, find a good one. Read reviews. Make sure they have LISW's or MSW's. Licensed Independent Social Workers, Masters of Social Work or an LCSW (Licensed Clinical SW, depending on what state you live. These are the people who are educated and trained to make assessments. Forget about the PCP's, find the specialists!! Also, getting APS (Adult Protective Services) is always helpful. Good Luck.
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Reply to Kentucy24
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I am A Social Worker and the DPOA can be filled out by anyone! All for free! You need either 2 witnesses (that are not related to the person filling out paperwork) or a notary public. Banks will normally have these. Unfortunately, once a person loses their orientation, it is illegal and unethical to have this paperwork done. You can try calling about 3 notary public and have them come to the house. See if any will notorize. If they refuse because she cannot process the paperwork, you can try calling Elder Care Law in your area and see if they have suggestions. I once worked in a nursing home and the daughter of an Alzheimer's patient begged me to find 2 witnesses to sign (Employers of a facility cannot be witnesses) But i could not. I felt so bad but I could have lost my license to practice. What I did tell her to do was call an attorney. For the right price, you will find an attorney who will do it. She did. Also, when I worked Home Health, I would take the paperwork and give it to the families and explain it. I could not be a part of it. What they did was call their neighbors and they found two that would witness.
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Reply to Kentucy24
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I am under the impression a POA can only be given by a lawyer and said lawyer needs to know person is in their right mind which does not seem the case here. I can't say I have any admiration for the doctor here. I do believe you are spinning wheels stuck in mud. Can you hire a lawyer who specializes in elder care? I also think medication may be needed for some possible stability. I think it's too late for home care given the behavior you report.
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Reply to Riverdale
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You asked a question a few days ago with the same info in the body.

I don't understand why a doctor needs to sign off on a POA. POA is a legal document drawn up by a lawyer. Like I said, you just need a letter from her doctor saying she is not capable of handling her affairs. The letter then goes to the lawyer and he invokes the POA with a letter.

Since you seem to be getting nowhere with the doctor, call Adult Protection Services and ask them to do a "well visit" explaing what you said here. They may be able to take her out of the home to be evaluated. If its found that she can no longer care for herself, she can go directly to a NH. If no money for her care, apply for Mediicaid.

Another option is to wait till she needs hospitalization. Then have her evaluated and directly to a NH.

If u get nowhere with APS then you may need a lawyer.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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