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My brother who is 40 years old, lives with our mom. My mother is pretty much supporting him. She is always crying poverty, and my brother is draining her bank account all the time. This has been going on for years. From what she tells me, he can not keep a job. Even when he has a job, she tells me he is stealing money from her bank (he knows how to forge her name) to pay for his car that he is leasing, and she also pays his insurance. She keeps going to the family for money, because he took the money she needed to pay the insurance on her house. She keeps telling me she is going to lose her house (since 2012) . The whole family is getting sick and tired of my brother, and my mother- who seems to let him do whatever he pleases. Just the past month, I sent her $800. another relative sent her $500, and, still another sent her $300. I can not afford to give her the money- I lent it to her, and she told me she would pay it back. This was to pay the insurance for her house- that my brother stolen. Anyways, I have the feeling my brother is forcing her to give him money. She is scared of him. I want to help her, and feel my brother needs to leave her house. She will not kick him out. Either that, or she's scared of how he'll react to being kicked out. I need some advice on what to do!

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It sounds like your mom has taken the most important step. It is still dangerous for your mom though. Get POA - do not let your brother get it by threat or deception. Get regular bank statements sent to you, or online access. Just letting mom know you will go to the police if any more money gets taken may keep her from having a pity party and giving him money again, and you can let her know that if you see it happening that you will assume brother threatened her and forced her to do it.

Our children's nanny faced something like this - she had felt sorry for a child from a first marriage when she was a young widow, and ended up raising a self-entitled monster who threatened her and did damage to her home. She had to sell and move away, and it was the best thing she could have done; I'm not sure he would have respected an order of protection. He did know better than to try to invade a well-lit suburban neighborhood with watchful neighbors and pull what he had been doing in her previous more isolated and rural location.
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There is something called emotional abuse which may be a possibility of how he is treating her. If he puts her down, humiliates her, that's part of emotional abuse which I believe falls under the category of elderly abuse.
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Your brother is a criminal. Get him out by any means necessary and don't worry about hurt feelings, just do it.
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note- I have never seen him hit her or anything like that- but, he talks to her in a disrespectful voice. I do not have any proof that he hits her- at all. But, the way he talks to her is rude.
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You are sending your brother your money. You are not sending any to your mother.
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Thanks for the advice. I spoke to my mom, and she told me that she is freezing her bank account so he can not take any more money. The reason why I have stated he would be abusing her, is because a long time ago, he went to anger management. He is very nasty to her. I have witnessed it, a year ago. He has a very short temper. I live too far away to be able to check in....and make sure she is OK. Unlike my mom, I would not hesitate to call the Police on him.
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Unfortunately, there are 2 opposing forces at work here: Your mother has been indulging your brother, thereby encouraging him even if she doesn't realize it. She's enabling his continued behavior. But your family is attempting to free her from this vicious cycle...two opposing forces.

If your mother is afraid of him, do you know why? Has he been abusive or threatened her? If so, get the police involved, file a complaint against him, inquire how to get a PPO in your mother's jurisdiction, and also find out how to evict him and whether or not this can only be done by your mother.

If the last option, you'll need to find a way to provide security for her so she isn't afraid of him. That kind of security might in fact be the first order of business.

Also try to find documentation that he's been committing fraud, and raise that issue with the police as well. If there's sufficient evidence, the issue could be referred to the local prosecutor's office which if successful in prosecuting him, may require restitution or even request incarceration.

I agree with FreqFlyer that an apartment might be a good idea, but the question is whether she'd let the freeloading brother move in with her.
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Have everyone stop sending your mother money.... otherwise this circle will continue.

It might be best if your mom sells the house, cuts her loses, then move into senior apartment that has one bedroom. That way your brother would be forced to grow up and be on his own... and not come knocking at your door or any other relative.
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