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I was alone in caring for dad for 2 years. Not only did i not have assistance from my two brothers (one lives 30 miles from dad), but i quit my job two summers in a row, gave up med. insurance to help out my ailing father whose house and health is deterioarting quickly. I set up a trust, POA, pour over will, funded the trust, cared for daddy all the while leaving my husband a thousand miles away from MI to NC to tend to our home and family. Meanwhile my brothers did not call my dad, visit and one of them threatened to kill me. He also turned all dad's neighbors and friends against me in an effort to turn dad against me. They all called the police bogusly on me several times which put me under investigation w the state of MI for 3 mos. I reacted poorly at times, I wasn't a saint, but most of teh time kept my cool thx only to teh Lord. Then, the nieghbors, my borthers staged only what I would call a coups. I had to leave immediatly, they "rused to the rescue" and I have not been privy to any of the new legal docs. I removed the guns from the home per docs instructions (dad has alzheimers) and they are angry over 2 items, not of precious value, that dad gave me.

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thank you all so much for your valuable answers to my sad, pathetic question/situation. To clarify, since the coup, I no longer have POA and neither of my brothers will return calls and/or emails at all. I'm left totally in the dark. They had all legal docs changed and I've decided to file for guardianship & conservatorship. I may win one or the other, or a guardian may be appointed. either way, something might be done. God bless you all in your own, unique situations.
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Most trusts require at least yearly reporting in the document itself to the beneficiaries of the trust. If you have not received reports I see this as a big red flag!
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Unikornfairy is right, and if it turns out brothers are in charge legally, pstiegman is right too! I bet you fled from the brothers just because angry siblings know how to strike fear without raising a finger, just the psychological implications of them thinking YOU are causing problems will cause anyone to cower in confused fear. Family has a unique way to help and to harm. Two sides to that coin! I bet they turned the neighbors on you by being chummy and friendly and sociable, while you were too busy with your parent's needs to make friends with neighbors, although I hope that it is not that you refused neighborly offers of assistance or advice. I hope it all works out for you, keep pushing to stay involved.
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Hold your head high and know that you did the best you could. Let the brothers handle it now, but you do have the right to see the annual reports filed with the courts. Go back to your family in MI and save that relationship first and foremost. Let things settle down and put your life back together, let them carry the burden. Once they see all the work, once they walk in your shoes, they will calm down and fences can be mended.
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First, let me say how sorry I am you are dealing with this, but if it helps, you aren't alone, not by a long shot. Greedy siblings do this, sometimes siblings do this because they don't understand exactly what's actually happening to their parent, and sometimes since the siblings don't understand what's actually happening, they honestly think they are doing the right thing. I assume from your post that you and your brothers didn't talk about the situation much when your father first began to deteriorate nor have the conversations began or continued over the course of the two years. Did you try to show the brothers the new roll over will, the trusts, etc. so they knew you weren't trying to cut them out of the will? Just because you've done everything right, legal and aboveboard doesn't mean the siblings understand how or why you've done what you've done. Lack of communication is generally the main cause of family breakdowns.

I really wish families knew how to "come together" to make plans for their parents while the parents are still alert and healthy. It almost always comes down to the entire burden, both physical care and financial responsibility, to one sibling while the rest "quarterback from their recliners". I know, Mom lived with me the last ten years of her life and for fifteen years before that, I checked on her twice daily to give her medications, took her to all her doctors appts, grocery store, etc. She wanted to remain independent, so for 15 years, this worked, but for the last ten, she needed round the clock care. In all the 25 years this went on, my brother bought her ONE MEAL and usually kept her yard mowed in the summers (that stopped when she moved in with me so my son started doing it). ONE MEAL! But guess who's hand was the first one out when the will was read? Yeah, his.

Wish you had called the police (or had time to) when the neighbors and brothers staged the coup. Since you had POA, this hostile takeover was illegal so have you talked to the police there to see what exactly happened? As in, was this a "legal" action (I doubt it). Did you see "papers" from the brothers and neighbors? What caused the neighbors to believe your brothers? Were the police involved? Or if not, did you file a report when this happened? I assume the brothers were allowed to see their father whenever they visited unless you had proof they were harming your father, but if your father did not leave with them willingly, this is kidnapping. Or did you flee the house and leave your father in fear of what the brothers would do to you? If you feared for your life, did you file restraining orders? How have you tried to get your father back? Are the brothers keeping you from seeing your father? Call the police and tell them you want to see your father because you're worried about his welfare. Explain what happened and that under the circumstances, you would like the police to take you to where your father is so there's no more drama. If you don't know where your father is, you need to file a missing person report along with the fact you believe his life is in danger because of the circumstances of the coup. How long ago did this happen? If you were investigated for three months by Michigan, what was the outcome? If the outcome was in your favor, then you have that to fall back on in court. If the investigation wasn't finished, why? Did they drop it when the brothers took your father? If so, why? Did they follow up to be sure your father was being properly cared for while now in the brothers' care? If not, demand they start an investigation. Since your conscience is clear, this should only be a problem for your brothers!

Since you have POA, and established the roll over will, trusts, etc. I assume you had both medical and durable. This means your brothers had to fraudulently obtain POA or went to court to have them changed over. You should have been notified of this through the courts so you had a chance to both defend yourself and your father and to provide proof of how you were caring for your father. Since, I assume this didn't happen, I doubt if your brothers have the "papers" they claim, which is why they won't show them to you, they CAN'T because they DON'T have them. As your father's legal DPOA, you can demand the brothers show you their "papers" and to allow you to see your father. If they refuse, file a police report immediately! Your brothers had no legal right to do this, and they can't legally keep you from your father. On another line of thought, exactly who is taking care of his finances now? If your brothers have signed one check or withdrawn one penny from his account, they've broken the law as your father no longer has the right to give them access to his funds. Only YOU can do that. Keep in mind, again, that if your brothers are doing this, they think they have the right to, so demand to see the "papers" one last time. Have you changed your fathers account information so the brothers can't access it? If you have POA and fear the brothers are "blowing through your fathers cash", change the account numbers. If the brothers have already done that, go to the new banking institution with the DPOA and demand to see who is in charge of the accounts. The bank will have to freeze the accounts until their legal department investigates. If you don't know for sure where the account now is, go to your bank where you kept your father's finances and ask them who changed the account (again, have the DPOA in hand). Go to the courthouse and be sure the Deed for your father's home hasn't been transferred to one of the brothers, if it has, show the Registrar your DPOA and ask to see who was responsible for the transfer or sale of the property. Call your father's insurance companies, medical, home owners, life, car, etc. and fax them a copy of the DPOA and ask who changed the address for billing, etc. Same with other household bills for the home. Which pharmacy did you get his medications from? Contact them directly with DPOA in hand, and ask which pharmacy his prescriptions were transferred to then contact that pharmacy to be sure the brothers are filling the necessary prescriptions. Contact your father's doctors, with both medical and DPOA in hand, and be sure your father is still receiving the necessary care. If the brothers have changed doctors, have the doctors you were taking your father to tell you which doctors they transferred your father's medical files to. You get the picture. Should any of these refuse, ask why. Since you have both the medical and durable, they have no grounds to refuse. If they say they have a "current or more recent POA on file, remind them your brothers did not do it legally because your DPOA and medical are still on file with the court. And of course, you have already verified this by contacting the lawyer who drew the DPOA and medical up to be sure it was properly filed, then have gone to the courthouse to verify it is on file and no "amendments" or "quits" or "voids" have been filed against it.

YOU stepped up and took care your father for two years while your brothers did nothing, then only intervened, apparently illegally, when it was in THEIR best interest. It is most definitely time to invest in an Elder Care attorney. You need to protect yourself, your father and your family.

May God Bless You and Your Family... and keep us updated as to how this all turns out. In the meantime, try to get some much needed and deserved rest, you've earned it. And you will need it when you get your father back in your care!
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If you want to try for free attorney input, try the website AVVO. You can pose questions and receive answers.
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I am sorry to report you are not alone. For some reason, sometimes some family members believe the worste of the caregivers. I believe it is guilt, pure and simple. My husband's children do not call, visit or provide finanical support for their father suffering from stage 4 cancer. However, they find the time to call the police, EMTs etc to report he lives alone, not being cared for just to put me under investigation. The way I think I have resolved this problem is I let them know anyone who wants to care for him, let me know I will make it happen. Needless to say there were no takers just trouble makers. Continue to care for your father the best that you can, and when it is all said and done, you will stand tall with no regrets. Do what you can by providing your brothers with all medical, utility, food and gas bills and outline all doctors visits, shopping, washing clothes, bathing him, etc, and show your brothers that you are the best dea in town and if they can do better to let you know. You will gladly share the responsibility of the financial burden, family stress and care for your father with them. No regrets you will sleep at night for all that you do. God bless and stay strong.
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I'm sorry. That should be "go to the police, show them your POA..."
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I'm confused. IF you have legal POA, and your father has Alzheimer's, then how could your brothers "rush to the rescue" of your father and them "change the legal documents". Those documents are illegal because your father is incapacitated, and his signature is not a legally binding contract. Go to the police, should them your POA, return to the house with them, and have your brothers produce their document. Since this is a civil matter the police will tell you to hire an attorney to take them to court. Your father has a terminal illness, and the money you spend fighting in court with your brothers might get expensive. You must weigh the options because you also have your family in which to consider. Choose your battles. Good luck!
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Takeitlikeagirl I'm sorry this is happening to your family..It seems you need to get a lawyer involved...Obviously your siblings believe their is money involved and they want to get their grubby little hands on it...

Unfortunately this happens a lot in families with aging care needed elders..It may be a long legal battle.
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