I have worked for a man who is 85 with Parkinson’s for 3 years and have went through so much sexual harassment that I just can’t take it anymore. This man is the retired mayor and plays bridge so he is very sharp minded. I have told him and his son about this and it continues to go on.
#help!
This can be a real challenge if there is dementia at play but you say that isn't what is going on here, it really sounds as though he is just a dirty old man. Why have you put up with it for 3 years? Skilled and loyal caregivers are in high demand - walk away.
Interesting your comment about him being able to play bridge. We had a neighbour who had had a severe stroke. She could not longer speak clearly, she could not recognize the difference between boys and girls, yet she could still play bridge. The part of her brain that knew kow to play bridge was not damaged by the stroke. She played Bridge daily for several years at the seniors' centre. It gave her husband a bit of a break too.
Over the last three years has the behaviour got worse, stayed the same, improved intermittently? Do you think this is related to his chronic disease or just part of his charm?
Could you clarify - it's sensitive I know, bear with me - what is happening? If you mean sexual assault, you can go to the police. If it's "banter", there are various techniques for ignoring it discouragingly.
Look, nobody, especially not nowadays but actually not ever, has to "put up" with sexual harassment in their place of work. If this is a private home and there's no one to report to except the police, and you don't want to do that (why not?), then look for another job and walk.
I'm interested you mention the man is a former mayor. Are you perhaps wondering if there has been a lot of this behaviour in his past or something like that?
Kris.
First of all, I hope you do find another job very quickly. Are you looking outside your own county? It sounds like a pretty stifling environment, so perhaps it's time to spread your wings.
But before you go, two things to bear in mind.
The chances that you are the only person this has happened to are, I would guess, extremely slender. So, are you just leaving this hazard lying around for the next person to trip over?
There is a saying: "tell the truth and shame the devil." Behaviour like this gets covered up because people don't speak up. Who might you speak up to?
What about a spray bottle with water in it? "Mr. Xxx, I have told you over and over again not to do that. From now on, when you do or say anything "naughty," I'm going to spray you in the face."
Or withhold his desert, or make him watch his second favorite show, or tell him you have to count to ten before you come when he calls, because his treatment makes you too angry. You can't hurt him, but you can set conditions.
You have leverage over him. Especially now that you plan to leave, you can risk making him angry.
Have you ever threatened to quit? Again, now is the time to try it.
Don't feel bad for being "weak." The world wouldn't work if women didn't do a lot of giving in. But you can set limits.
Give notice. Give a date that you will no longer work for them.
Give them enough time to find another caregiver.
On your last day return all items that belong to the family keys, remotes, ...and leave...when your shift is over.
If you want when you give your notice tell them that you will be happy to assist in training your replacement. And remind them if you do train the replacement since you are still an employee you will expect to be paid while you are training.
If you are a professional caregiver you must be aware that acting out in certain ways is a problem with dementia patients.
Have you told this "sharp minded" gentleman that you will leave if this behavior continues? Have you told the son that you will leave if it continues? If not that might be your first step. Give them good warning then follow through.
From reading your replies to comments it does not really sound like anything would happen if you were to report this and even if you did it would be passed off as a result of a medical condition and nothing would happen. (particularly if they are part of "the old boy's club"..the few in almost any community that seem to get away with almost anything)
No one should have to tolerate sexual harassment.
If you haven’t please begin to keep a journal of when this occurs, describe his behaviors, document your conversations with his son and the person himself.
Keep records!
Someone said below that going into a position as a CG one must be aware of personality issues and that certain behaviors may surface. That may be true but there are still lines that can’t be overstepped.
I would tolerate it once, maybe twice verbally, but once that person put his hands on me I would be gone and filing a lawsuit. Lawsuits need backup documentation however, as we’ve been privy to the #metoo movement and the Godforsaken Cavanaugh confirmation process.
Document, document, document!
If you haven’t, notify your supervisors as they are required to take your complaint seriously. Give your notice & move on.
You have experience as a CG & can obtain another position that is much better than being sexually harassed daily by a de facto “dirty old man”.
Kick that family to the curb & move on.
No one have should to put up with any type of sexual harassment. This is so wrong in so many ways. You just need to either face your client about this or find a different job. You have rights too. You shouldn’t have to put with these working conditions. You deserve better.
There are so many caregiver jobs out there now that you can get. You don’t need to put up with a older man’s nasty ways. Go somewhere else. You really do deserve better for yourself!'❤️