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I have worked for a man who is 85 with Parkinson’s for 3 years and have went through so much sexual harassment that I just can’t take it anymore. This man is the retired mayor and plays bridge so he is very sharp minded. I have told him and his son about this and it continues to go on.


#help!

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Uh, Heck no!!
This can be a real challenge if there is dementia at play but you say that isn't what is going on here, it really sounds as though he is just a dirty old man. Why have you put up with it for 3 years? Skilled and loyal caregivers are in high demand - walk away.
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Kris38 Jan 2019
I’m a idiot... I started with his wife making really good money and she passed away. They ask me to stay and help with the dad and so I did. I geuss I just figured it was the disease but after sticking around for a while, that’s definitely not the case! Thanks for the reply...
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No you should not have to put up with it. But you likely will need to look for a new employer.

Interesting your comment about him being able to play bridge. We had a neighbour who had had a severe stroke. She could not longer speak clearly, she could not recognize the difference between boys and girls, yet she could still play bridge. The part of her brain that knew kow to play bridge was not damaged by the stroke. She played Bridge daily for several years at the seniors' centre. It gave her husband a bit of a break too.
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Kris38 Jan 2019
this man is super smart. His behavior has nothing to do with it. He’s a spoiled brat that’s use to getting want he wants! He’s Rich...
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Report behaviors now and walk away! Why hav u put up wth this for three yrs???? Get out now!!
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Kris38 Jan 2019
Yes! I’m looking now for another job... I just had to vent!
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When did you tell the son about the problem and what did he say?

Over the last three years has the behaviour got worse, stayed the same, improved intermittently? Do you think this is related to his chronic disease or just part of his charm?

Could you clarify - it's sensitive I know, bear with me - what is happening? If you mean sexual assault, you can go to the police. If it's "banter", there are various techniques for ignoring it discouragingly.

Look, nobody, especially not nowadays but actually not ever, has to "put up" with sexual harassment in their place of work. If this is a private home and there's no one to report to except the police, and you don't want to do that (why not?), then look for another job and walk.

I'm interested you mention the man is a former mayor. Are you perhaps wondering if there has been a lot of this behaviour in his past or something like that?
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Kris38 Jan 2019
I’ve told the son on more than one occasion. He has a talk with him and it stops for a short time. Over the past 3 yrs it has gotten worse and it would include bribery, sexual slurs, touching, grabbing ext!!! These ppl are big time in my little county, by that I mean they have a name. And to answer your last question... I’m Absolutely sure this man has been use to getting want he wants and No his disease has nothing to do with his behavior.. He plays Bridge, travels and is a big time toy collector that requires a sharp mind. I’m just going to look for another job. I hope this helps some... I’m not good with this stuff!
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Oh no not another one...

Kris.

First of all, I hope you do find another job very quickly. Are you looking outside your own county? It sounds like a pretty stifling environment, so perhaps it's time to spread your wings.

But before you go, two things to bear in mind.

The chances that you are the only person this has happened to are, I would guess, extremely slender. So, are you just leaving this hazard lying around for the next person to trip over?

There is a saying: "tell the truth and shame the devil." Behaviour like this gets covered up because people don't speak up. Who might you speak up to?
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Absolutely not!
No one should have to tolerate sexual harassment.
If you haven’t please begin to keep a journal of when this occurs, describe his behaviors, document your conversations with his son and the person himself.
Keep records!
Someone said below that going into a position as a CG one must be aware of personality issues and that certain behaviors may surface. That may be true but there are still lines that can’t be overstepped.

I would tolerate it once, maybe twice verbally, but once that person put his hands on me I would be gone and filing a lawsuit. Lawsuits need backup documentation however, as we’ve been privy to the #metoo movement and the Godforsaken Cavanaugh confirmation process.
Document, document, document!
If you haven’t, notify your supervisors as they are required to take your complaint seriously. Give your notice & move on.
You have experience as a CG & can obtain another position that is much better than being sexually harassed daily by a de facto “dirty old man”.
Kick that family to the curb & move on.
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Absolutely not and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. It’s not part of the job. It may be part of the territory, as in it happens with Parkinson’s and dementia patients, it’s not uncommon BUT you do not have to subject yourself to that kind of treatment. When my husband’s grandfather started making strong sexual advances toward his IHSS caregiver, she quit and the family realized it was him for him to go to a nursing home.
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clients with Parkinson’s are well aware sexual harassment. However, family do not care when caregivers report to them.
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ABSOUTY NOT!!!
No one have should to put up with any type of sexual harassment. This is so wrong in so many ways. You just need to either face your client about this or find a different job. You have rights too. You shouldn’t have to put with these working conditions. You deserve better.
There are so many caregiver jobs out there now that you can get. You don’t need to put up with a older man’s nasty ways. Go somewhere else. You really do deserve better for yourself!'❤️
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I was going to suggest that you get an air horn to train him not to do that.

What about a spray bottle with water in it? "Mr. Xxx, I have told you over and over again not to do that. From now on, when you do or say anything "naughty," I'm going to spray you in the face."

Or withhold his desert, or make him watch his second favorite show, or tell him you have to count to ten before you come when he calls, because his treatment makes you too angry. You can't hurt him, but you can set conditions.

You have leverage over him. Especially now that you plan to leave, you can risk making him angry.

Have you ever threatened to quit? Again, now is the time to try it.

Don't feel bad for being "weak." The world wouldn't work if women didn't do a lot of giving in. But you can set limits.
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Grandma1954 Jan 2019
spraying someone could possibly be reported as abuse particularly if the patient had a diagnosis anywhere in his medical file of dementia, MCI or other phrase.
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