My mom has recently qualified for hospice. She has vascular dementia and COPD. I notice often she seems to be staring up--when nothing is there. Is this a sign of end of life symptoms?
Hi Frances. I don't know that I can answer your question, but it made me think of my experience with my mother when she died. My brother and I were both there with her. She had been pretty much unconscious for the past week or so. But just before she died, she opened her eyes and I could tell she was aware. She stared straight up, I don't know at what, but I could tell she was conscious and alert for the first time in days. I will never forget it and I cherish it because it gave us a chance to say goodbye to her and know that she heard us. I believe it was a Godsend, a gift to us, that God allowed us that moment before she left. Does your mother seem to be aware? Do you speak to her?
Hospice told me that at the end people will often see and speak with deceased loved ones. I said, "That's so beautiful." Weird reaction, I guess, since most people find it frightening. I think they are glimpsing over to the other side.
Frances2, one of the nice advantages of hospice care is that you can ask this kind of question to people who are very experienced at dealing with people at the end of live. Do ask this of mom's nurse on the next visit.
Staring into space is common in some kinds of dementia (I don't know if that includes vascular). I don't think this is a behavior listed in the hospice brochures for typical end-of-life. But not all experiences are "typical."
Do talk this over with hospice staff. If it is particularly bothering you, call the 24 hour number they gave you. If you are just curious, talk on the next visit.
I have been noticing my Mom does this more often in the last couple months or so. She is completely focused on something on the ceiling or wall and I see nothing there. It is a little unnerving, but as long as she is not agitated I am glad. Sometimes she talks but is mostly quiet. She has been in and out of end of life symptoms for over 18 months now that come and go, so I am never sure if it is dementia or an end of life symptom. The hospice booklet does say that talking to loved ones that have passed is one of the signs of end of life.
There is a book called Final Gifts - it was written by two long time hospice nurses who noticed several common behaviors and thoughts among people during the final stage of life. I was given a copy by one of the people on my dads hospice team. I was too exhausted and distracted to look at it during my dads final few weeks but did glance through it after dad passed on. I was surprised that several things that my dad had been experiencing were described in the book. The one that struck me the most was that in my dads last few weeks he was convinced he was going on a ski trip - dad was an advid life- long skier snd mountaineer. Dad was often adgetated that her needed to finish packing and/or he couldn't find his car keys. The book described this phenomenon in amazingly accurate terms. I wish I had kept the book but after dad passed I was anxious to be rid of anything that reminded me of daddy's suffring and threw the book out. I m planning to get another copy before it's my moms time. God bless.
Yes, my wife stares. She is in end stages of FTD. I have her at home and I put on fun movies, cooking shows and older sitcoms. She stares at the TV all day. She will look at people if you stand in front of her. She still smiles back at you.
Sometimes in the patient's last days, they will have hallucinations when awake.
I quietly watched my Stepfather have a very nice telephone conversation with his biological son. He was laying in his bed resting at the time. I could see it made him very happy. 'They' had a nice conversation. He told his son that he was so glad to hear that he was doing so well and then said their goodbyes and he hung up the phone.
There was no phone in his hand. He had answered an imaginary phone and was holding it to to his head just as if he really had a phone in his hand. I never said a thing. He had few pleasant conversations with his son (who always seemed to be angry about something) in the past, so I was glad to see him happy and at peace about his son instead of the opposite. Even so, it is somewhat heart breaking.
Hi Frances. Writer Vicki and I had a very similar experience with the death of our mothers. I was over-joyed when right before my mother died, she opened her eyes and looked right at me. i was able to tell her I loved her and that I will see her again. Before this, she had been unresponsive and sleeping for 10 days with no eye-openings. I am a retired hospice social worker, so I have seen many different reactions at the end-of-life stage. This one I thank God for as I believe it was a gift as writer Vicki does. Good luck to you. Hopefully she is seeing the beauty of what awaits her.
Frances, I have witnessed this both with folks with whom I have worked in a care setting, as well as companion animals who have passed naturally at home.....perhaps there is a spiritual realm, I would like to think so...Monica
My mom just stared right through me one time, It scared me you never know what they are thinking. If anything. She will also stare and talk to herself. This Christmas, in the nursing home, she kept saying she had to bake a cake, and look at all the presents on the floor, we have to take them downstairs. It broke my heart. I think she is regressing. I think that can be a good thing, block out reality. I am so sorry about your mom, I think she will go peacefully, don't worry.
Hi France's, my mom would lookup at the ceiling too. I had her in a bed in the dining room (took the table down). She had a beautiful angel (xmas ornament) which i hing from the chandelier.i would lay beside her and quietly say I wish I knew what you were looking at mom, do you see Jesus, your sisters, your mom & dad? 2 days before she passed she kept her eyes open all day, I had never seen my moms eyes open so wide! I believe this was her burst of energy because she had been in a coma like state for a few days, only opening her eyes periodically. She passed 2 days later. Last month I had the opportunity to go to a group reading with a medium, not sure if I believed or not but went with an open mind. The medium said to me "I am sorry but your mom didn't really see you, her sisters were there waiting for her, they helped her pass over". I could only sit in amazement but was happy that 2 people she truly loved were there to help her on her journey. My moms passing was more then I could have asked for, she just slowly stopped breathing with her whole family at her side. This was the first time I could actually say to my mom that it was ok to go, we would be sad but understood that it was her time to go and that i would take care of my dad. As i quietly whispered that along with assuring her she would be able to walk, talk, dance, etc, she slowly stopped breathing, it was so peaceful. Wow, did i get off track. Yes, people do state at what we see as nothing but I truly believe that they are seeing their loved ones who have come to help them pass over. Praying for comfort and peace for your mom and family 🙏😇
I have noticed too that My Mother dreams an awful lot. When I ask was it a pleasant dream Mom? Mother tells Me that She was dreaming of xy and z. People Who She was very close to but Who died some years ago. I came to the conclusion that People Who are approaching the end of Their Lives can connect with Those They love on the other side.
I believe that when a person is at their end days, they have help from others that have gone before them. I have witnessed this many times along with watching my dad do this. I believe that it's hard to keep one foot in this world and another foot in the spiritual world. I do think that others that have gone before us do help a person along and reassure them that it's ok to cross over. It must be difficult to make the decision to leave this world and move on to the other. My mother is getting close to days such as your mother, and has been thinking quite a bit about her parents and my father. I believe it is natural for this to take place when a person decides they are ready to cross over. I am absolutely sure that where a person goes is beautiful and peaceful. Your mom could be getting glimpse's of this.I wish you peace through-out this process. I wish God-speed to your mother.
My husband was in a nursing home, confined to bed following a fall. One day when I visited, his body was still, his facial expression was that of a dead person, eyes fixed upwards. I went to the nursing station and told them I couldn't tell whether he was breathing. Two nurses ran to his side, flashed lights and made loud noises. He startled, awake. The nurses never explained what happened. I didn't ask. He awoke, dying peacefully in his sleep two months later. Knowing Bob, I think that during that time, he was negotiating with God, to take him, but it wasn't his time.
Yes, I understand. My husband who died in November, stared at the ceiling a lot. He only answered everything with...yeah. I called this the "Raymond" syndrome after the man in "Rainman". He also saw many people and I often had "six or more guests" for dinner. He was pleased....I never saw them. TV frustrated him as he thought they were visiting him and he wanted me to feed them. The last four days, he didn't do anything except struggle to breath. I miss him terribly. I had him in our living room in a hospital bed for nine months, but wouldn't change a thing. I had my pastor tell him that he was dying as he didn't know it. He just took Bob's hand and said...I envy you...you are going to see the face of Jesus. Then Bob smiled the only smile I had seen in months...his face beamed and we sang two hymns to him. After the prayer, he let go of the pastor's hand and went back to staring. Precious moments. Grab them as you can. God bless you and give you strength. Hugs.
Our family knows a lady who is in the same Memory Care facility that my cousin resides. She stares into space at all times. I have stopped by to see her and just say hello and who I am, but I don't think she knows I am there. She doesn't talk or move at all. I often see, what I believe is a Hospice worker with her. I know this must be so tough on the family.
I truly think the staring up is a sign of end of life. In 2003 we knew mom was dying .... and she kept looking up .... and one evening she looked up and started speaking saying "It won't be long now". I asked who she was talking to and she said my father. He had passed away 23 years earler - in 1980. Clearly, she was talking to him. She died that night and the nurse said there was a smile on her face. My parents were VERY close. I'm glad I told her if it is my dad, that she could go to be with him. I didn't even cry at her funeral .... because I knew that at last they were together again.
If someone looks up and their eyes are focused at the point between the eyebrows, they are looking at their inner "third" or spiritual eye. If they look blissful and unblinking, be very happy for them!
It seems that for caregivers, one benefit of permitting a loved one to die at home is that the caregiver is privileged to witness the freedom the patient experiences in the last moment of life. When my husband was accepted for hospice home care, I promised him he could die at home. But after two more years, my health deteriorated, and I took hospice's advice to place him in a nursing home. He died at night in the nursing home, so they were unable to notify in advance. I would have come there any time in the middle of the night to be with him. I believe he wanted to leave exactly the way he did.
Not necessarily. My one friend's brother was actually staring at the Christmas tree before he died from leukemia only days before Christmas. Before he was taken away by the funeral home, I was looking in the direction he was looking when he died, which is how I know he was looking at the Christmas tree. Right then I knew he was thinking of his two daughters. I didn't really know that well, but what was hard was knowing that he died right before Christmas. There was such a peace in the room that I don't know how to describe, but I know it was peace only God gives. I know that this man must have gone to heaven, because sometime after his death, that peacefulness followed me for a short while. This is how I know the deceased must be in heaven.
oh...my mother just started doing this!!! i found it odd...and then the question comes up??? i've learned so much on this site. sad, these responses made me cry.
Frances, I am so happy for you to have had this experience prior to your Mom's passing. These precious moments need to be honored and documented. Others in your family need to be aware. I have spent many years helping caregivers and the terminally ill travel down this road and it can be the most rewarding in your life. I have seen people pass when awake, alert and seem to be either visualizing something or reaching for something. Sometimes they will speak a name or identify a place as they do this.
I have seen others who don't but seem to have a sense of humor regarding this travel. One person I sat with had been resuscitated twice (in hospital) and had begun a book (reading). His eyes were frequently closed and as I sat beside him. I began to read this very large novel and each time I came to visit for a week would read another chapter. I am sure others were also reading to him and thought this was probably his way of being the center of attention (he had been that way for years). The last time I read to him, he reach out to my hand, patted it and stopped breathing.
I have thought of his needs and what that book actually symbolized for him. Knowing him and many of his beliefs - it is my opinion, he passed in his own way.
My sister Passed in March 9th of 2015 after losing the longest battle to MS. Just before she passed she coded and ended up in a coma. Slowly but surely she came out of her coma was awake, yet unable to communicate and all she did was stare up at a certain corner of her hospital room. Every once in a while I was able to get her eyes to meet mine, but it would only last seconds. I called it transitioning from one world to another. I felt that my sister was in between 2 worlds and she was transitioning to go from this life here then to another life beyond. I noticed how every time her eyes would take her back to that certain corner in her hospital room, that certain corner that she was making contact with my two brothers who passed back in the 1980"s and her dad who passed back in 1991 along with all of the rest of our beloved loved ones whom we've lost throughout this life time. So Yes, I do believe that before we depart from this world, we do communicate with our loved ones and they are the ones who help us to cross over. My mother is in her last stages of dementia and I truly believe that she sees her 3 children and talks to them. I have noticed a lot of changes in her behavior as well especially her stares. She has a fixed gaze.May God grant everyone peace and comfort your soul.
I don't believe they are staring at "nothing". Nothing WE can see, I imagine, but moving slowly from this world to the next. My grandmother would "come back" and tell us about Granddad, who'd passed 40 years prior. I asked her how he looked and she said "He looks wonderful!!" So I said, "Grandma, next time he comes and wants you to go with him, just take his hand". She did. I believe. She died 2 days later. Very peaceful, very private.
Staring into space is common in some kinds of dementia (I don't know if that includes vascular). I don't think this is a behavior listed in the hospice brochures for typical end-of-life. But not all experiences are "typical."
Do talk this over with hospice staff. If it is particularly bothering you, call the 24 hour number they gave you. If you are just curious, talk on the next visit.
I quietly watched my Stepfather have a very nice telephone conversation with his biological son. He was laying in his bed resting at the time. I could see it made him very happy. 'They' had a nice conversation. He told his son that he was so glad to hear that he was doing so well and then said their goodbyes and he hung up the phone.
There was no phone in his hand. He had answered an imaginary phone and was holding it to to his head just as if he really had a phone in his hand. I never said a thing. He had few pleasant conversations with his son (who always seemed to be angry about something) in the past, so I was glad to see him happy and at peace about his son instead of the opposite. Even so, it is somewhat heart breaking.
I have seen others who don't but seem to have a sense of humor regarding this travel. One person I sat with had been resuscitated twice (in hospital) and had begun a book (reading). His eyes were frequently closed and as I sat beside him. I began to read this very large novel and each time I came to visit for a week would read another chapter. I am sure others were also reading to him and thought this was probably his way of being the center of attention (he had been that way for years). The last time I read to him, he reach out to my hand, patted it and stopped breathing.
I have thought of his needs and what that book actually symbolized for him. Knowing him and many of his beliefs - it is my opinion, he passed in his own way.