I'm posting in the A&D forum because mom has dementia and often exhibits Sundowner's Syndrome. I'm not sure if what she is experiencing is related to the dementia or is actual End of Life manifestations. I'm hoping to get feedback from anyone experiencing this behavior.
First let me say that both my grandmother and my MIL knew when they would pass. Very briefly.... in 1996 my 93 year old grandmother, on Christmas Eve, shooed me and my husband out of the nursing home for an 'appointment' she had a 6:00 PM. We arrived about 5:15. We would talk, she would interrupt several times with a reminder about her appointment, we would ask about it and she would only say she had an appointment at 6:00 with 'the man'. We left about 5:55. When we arrived at my parent's home to celebrate Christmas Eve, we learned that the Nursing home called at 6:08 and that she had passed. Needless to say, we were freaked.
Last year, my 96 year old MIL had been dx'd with COPD in August. She was ambulatory and was able to get around with her daughter's help for most of her last months. I always have Thanksgiving and last year was no different. All she talked about was going to Thanksgiving dinner and seeing all the kids, which luckily came to pass. She had a great day. However, as we always do at Thanksgiving, we talked about Christmas, exchanged names, etc. She would not discuss Christmas whatsoever. When we asked what she wanted she would shake her head and mutter something under her breath. During her last days, she talked about 'going home', staring out the window saying 'they're here', and apologizing to me (for something that happened many, many years ago). She passed on 12/21.
Recently my mother (94), who I mentioned suffers Sundowner's has been experiencing periods of seeing (and going to baseball games) with my dad and brother (both deceased). Most disturbing was a phone call she got the other day in which she told me they said, "attention, attention, attention - you are nearing the end of your life". I viewed the call log and saw the unsolicated call was Wyndam Rewards credit card services. I called the number and asked to be put in touch with the advertising department to ask if I could hear their robo call. They were unable to help, but I blocked the number from my mom's phone. She hasn't mentioned the call since, nor have I.
In addition to her delusions (??), she has been sleeping more - sometimes 16 hours a day. She has checked out as far as involvement with the family - hardly ever asks about any of us and only thinks of her wants and needs. Her resentment and negativity is increasing. Recently she declined to let her aide in to do the weekly laundry and cleaning as well as her OT therapist which is scheduled for Thursday. But the next day realizing what she did, demanded they come in on Friday. I told her the aide and therapist was busy with other patients. She said some rather nasty things and I basically told her that she was the one who sent them away and she might want to think twice before doing that again. Mom lives in an ILF with services mentioned above. She is still able to take care of her basic needs, is not incontinent and I have a camera to watch her whenever I want. Her day consists of eating, sleeping, bathroom. My brother and I go over twice a week, but she complains to me about him, and she complains about him to me. Says she doesn't want us sitting there and staring at her.
I want to move her into memory care facility, but on her good days she fights me and on her bad days it's a moot point to bring it up. Also, I'm trying to wait until restrictions ease up on covid.
Thoughts and suggestions are welcomed.