As most know, my LO was kicked out of the last Memory Care Assisted Living in was in (within a month) He got abandoned at the hospital by the administrator, even after being evaluated 4 times by 3 different phychiatrists. They concluded that there were not any unordinary behaviors and that he should be able to return. Of course, administrator refused.

Basically what happens is, in these facilities, they do provide poor care and then the patient is left to carry the burden.

I mean, the administrators and staff of these facilities do not always respect these patients. The admins and staff are not always right. That doesn't mean the patients should have to carry the burden.

The admin was very harrassive and demanding toward my loved one (someone with alzheimers) several times until she agitated him. In the meantime, she gets away with just dumping him off at the hospital.

While at the hospital, he is not having any problems. The nurses LOVE him. They call all the time bragging about how sweet he is.

Now there is something wrong with this picture. I believe the system is broken and they get away with anything. What are your thoughts?

I know I rambled but my thoughts are all over the place. If you respond, I will greatly appreciate it. Thanks

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Where I live the AL was part of a chain which is who my daughter has worked for, a chain in another state. The NH Mom lived in is one of 3 owned by the same person. So if I saw a problem that was not being addressed by staff, I would write Corporate. Telling them what I noticed and how, as a family member, my complaints have gone by the wayside. I would also suggest that all staff go thru a seminar on ALZ/Dementia since they have no idea how to deal someone suffering from it.

The Administrator was wrong. As you said, he/she could have waited until he put the coat down and then took it. I am still surprised that an Administrator is involved with a resident. The Administrator was in the wrong. You don't argue with someone suffering from a Dementia.
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haileybug May 2020
JoAnn29 Oh my goodness. I feel like running and shouting after reading your response. I feel you. You know exactly where I am coming from. You are so EXACTLY RIGHT about the staff needing to get a seminar about how to deal with someone with Dementia. They have know idea how to approach them.

Clap, clap, clap Finally, glad someone understands the point I have been making all along. Thank you

Yes, For some reason the administrator was the one dealing with BIL. She sure was in the wrong. And she had the nerve to call us Christmas Eve ANGRY. Stating that she felt my BIL knows what he is doing.

You are exactly right. You never argue with someone suffering from dementia. NEVER Thank you Ms. Joann

FYI: I am signed in as haileybug but I am the same person as Sunshine. I forgot I had an old account. HUGS
JoAnn29 Consider it a blessing that you have had good experiences at the facilities your mom has been.

I wish I could say the same about the facilities my LO has been in but I can not. I am not making this stuff up. It is not all about what has been taking place with my BIL. I've witnessed other residents being mistreated as well. The difference between my BIL and these other residents, my BIL responds to the negative treatment by these staff in these facilities. (No one deserves to be disrespected) On the other hand, some of these other residents can not defend for themselves.

When I did my nursing clinical in a nursing facility, I saw how staff talked mean to the residents and the ones who could not feed themselves, sad story.

I have reported it to the State Department who oversees them.

You say there is 2 sides to every story and I will agree with you 100 percent. Therefore, I will give you one scenario of the admin side of the story and see what your opinion is. Please keep in mind that he had only been in the Memory Care ALF for around a month. Also, before accepting him in this facility, staff did and assessment on him.

Admin side: My LO had on a coat that was not his and she told him to give her the coat. My LO told admin it was his coat. (Remember he has dementia/alz) Admin persistently asked that he give to her what he thought was his coat. Hence, this agitated him.

In my opinion, the admin approach was wrong. If my LO thought the coat was his, she should have let it be. Just wait until he took it off and kindly took it.

I can understand how that could have upset him bc we had just purchased him two new coats.

On the other hand, an ombudsman had investigated in the past and admitted that these facilities are not up to per and that staff was being disrespectful. You would be surprised.

I would love to hear your opinion, though. Thank you so much.
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I have read your previous posts. You have mentioned the "low level care" before. My experience with Moms AL and LTC facilities have been good ones. Maybe not perfect but Mom was loved and cared for. I tended to be a "helecopter" daughter. My daughter helped me understand how these facilities worked. Helped me to relax a little. I have never seen a resident disrespected.

If you feel you have a legitimate complaint then report the facility to the State Department that oversees them. That is the only way to have them investigated. Find another facility for your BIL.

There is two sides to every story. It would be interesting to hear the other side.
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