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75 year old with stage 3 dementia. She can dress herself, do her laundry and always remembers to take trash out Monday’s. She won’t eat right. She will get crackers or bread or banana but never microwaves or cooks. She just sits in the chair most of the day and has a hard time getting up out of chair and can’t seem to stand very long without hips hurting. She says she is lazy.
I made an appointment with her Doctor to address Vitamin D3 and outpatient therapy. She refuses to do anything but sit.
I feel everything I do is a bandaid. In my opinion she will be in a nursing home in a couple two or three months.
Any suggestions?

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The job of caregiver, is in part, a heartbreaking venture.

Because the person for whom you are caring is not going to get much 'better'..and that's why you're there.

And when it comes time, as it often does, to move the LO to a higher level of care, you DO feel that you failed them.

When their needs overwhelm you and you can no longer support the level of care they require, it IS heartbreaking to feel that you've failed.

We're at this place with my MIL. Frankly, I am surprised she is still in her home after a fall, 8 weeks of rehab and a really shaky move back home. I'm not really involved, but I see the sadness that my DH has over this. MIL is NOT a pleasant person and she is not going to 'thrive and enjoy' any kind of ALF.

As far as the eating--if you can get one protein shake into mom in a day, that may be the best you can do. My mom barely eats, but then she expends almost zero energy and her weight stays the same.

Accepting what is and how much you've already done--sometimes it helps to make a list to remind yourself of all you have done.

She may actually do much better in a more structured living environment.

Good Luck--and don't be hard on yourself, OK?
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Reply to Midkid58
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Placement in residential care doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ve been offering a “bandaid”.
Transition into care is RARELY a smooth direct process. If you are able to manage keeping her comfortable and relatively peaceful, that may be exactly what she needs.
Smuggle in some fruit, veggies and protein if you can.
Don’t fight about eating. Offer, let her choose.
She’s SO lucky to have you!
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Reply to AnnReid
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