Do I take my mom to my house or let the family struggle on their own?

Just because your family is "addicted to suffering" why would you want to suffer by having your mom move in with you? You would be a martyr right along with them.
Your moms care is now WAY beyond anyone taking her in their home and it's time to have her placed in a skilled nursing facility.
So until that is done, step back and let the chips fall where they may.

If they want to do this and she won't move then let them. Stay OUT of it completely.l

What happens in six months if they don't continue the care?
Placement.

I would be sure if she comes to live in your home -- if you CHOOSE to do this that you see an elder law attorney and get all paperwork for POA in order and get a good care contract for shared living costs done.

If you choose not to do this (the wisest choice) then I think you should work now on placing your Mom. People are well meaning, but they seldom deliver and if you have been here any time at all you see good evidence of that fact.

If you aren't POA you may want to consider CAREFULLY whether you wish to be or not.

I wish you the best and hope you'll update us. You can force this issue if you like. You already know this won't work, I think?

Apply for Medicaid, she is way beyond Assisted Living, Do Not take her to your home, you do not understand what you will be getting into.

Listen to these people here, we have heard the same fantasy ideas before, it does not work,

Sell off everything you can, get her in a facility self pay and apply for Medicaid when her money is about gone.

Taking care of a stroke victim is difficult. I've done it. You state that she really doesn't need much. Then you tell us that
1. She can't stand on her own.
2. She's incontinent.
3. She needs help with her brief/diaper
4. You transfer her to (a) chair (b) bed (c) commode
5. You have to hire someone to take care of her.

Wake up call - SHE NEEDS MUCH.

Don't do this! None of it will get better, only worse. The incontinence alone is daunting, since it requires changing her and will eventually involve fecal matter if it doesn't already. Germs, and you need to glove up. Smells. Odors that spread throughout the house no matter how you try to keep things clean. You risk injury transferring her, no matter that you can do it NOW, because all it takes is a slipped disk or two to render you useless in that regard - and then what?

Hiring caregivers sounds so easy, but it isn't. They don't show up sometimes, they aren't as capable as you thought they'd be, and you will need more than one for sure. Plus what few people think of at the outset: You'd have a steady stream of helpers in and out of your house. You need to feed them. They might feed themselves, and well do I recall the fragrant smell of fried iguana or something like that permeating the house while I tried to sleep in my room above the kitchen at 2 a.m.

If you love mom, find her a care situation in a nice facility where she'll have companionship, food prepared, and 24/7 help. Then count your blessings and enjoy peace in your home.

Mighty Mouse syndrome, maybe? I suffer from that or used to before all the years of caregiving.
Your mom is at a stage where her needs have stabilized to a degree. Her situation will change at some point whether you are there or not. It won’t necessarily be because you left.
You should not take her into your home. The unique setup mom has now may or may not survive w/o you and you may or may not be able to replicate the care she is receiving now in your home. Even though you feel like you are doing it all now, your home won’t be her home.

And what about your DH? Now like it or not his home is a nursing home. How is he with changing the brief? You know life will happen to you as well and it usually doesn’t come with a 24 hour warning.

For sure moving out of her own home will be a game changer for her whether to a facility or not but if she had to move, let it be to somewhere sustainable as her condition declines.

Why not go home, return to your life and let the team she has carry on if that is THEIR Choice? When they need a break and ask for help, see what the new situation requires. You don’t mention mom not being competent to make her own decisions. Are you her POA?

Each situation, person, circumstance is different and likely to change. Pacing yourself is important. There are no guarantees for tomorrow or six months from now.

And yes, an extra layer of help always makes things go smoother. You were able to be that layer this time and that’s a good thing.

If you are the POA you will have plenty to do just making decisions. You don’t have to be the hands on caregiver as well.

Please know that whichever scenario is chosen there will be challenges. If your mom is depressed, make sure that’s being treated. She will miss her family if they don’t live nearby. You didn’t mention how far away you live.

Wishing you all the best.

As many have mentioned - moving her in with you could quickly become very perilous.
A couple of questions : who all is them? you had mentioned caregivers and family. What are the details and relationship of the family members? It sounds like there is a caregiver in place already.

Also how far away from your house is her house now?
As others have mentioned, moving her in with you could end up being the worst choice in the long run, even though financially you are seeing some pluses. While the back and forth with current family/caregiver is adding confusion and annoyance, having her move in with you may add much worse stresses.

IF staying in her house is not feasible any more, consider selling her house with placement in assisted living etc.... nearby

Let the family "struggle" on their own, 100%. They are "addicted to suffering" so have at it! "They" are more than one person and can hire different caregivers who CAN care for mother. Plus, mother doesn't want to move. You have plenty of reasons to go back home w/o mother and resume your life now.

Good luck.

You have no clue what you’re taking on if you move her into your home.

She needs more than assisted living. She has medical needs that are way above your pay grade. And it will get worse, not better.

Hundreds of people on this board thought they could do it themselves too. Now they are exhausted, broken mentally (and physically) and wish someone had warned them. Consider the following:

-Whatever schedule you have now will be out the window.

-There will be no more dinners out, no vacations. Friends and family will say to call if you need help, but  almost none will volunteer to stay with her if you need time out. 

-You two will be her world. You will be expected to meet every need, including companionship.

-When do you plan to get things like errands and grocery shopping done? She cannot be left alone. 

-Can you lift her multiple times a day and night?

-If she worsens, how will you handle the medical needs?

-Are your toilets, bathtubs, etc handicap-ready? Will her bed have safety rails? Are meds stored safely?

-Can you handle multiple toilet visits, butt wiping, diarrhea, bed urine, and getting her undressed/dressed? Multiple times a day/night?

-Are you able to help with bathing daily?

- If she keeps you up at night, how do you plan to handle work/chores the next day? Same goes for working from home. 

- If you get sick or injured, what plan do you have for her care?

- You'll very likely need aides. Are you okay with strangers in the house?

- When you are no longer able to care for her, how will you get her into a nursing home? 

I've said before that people think they can "love their way" through caregiving. That love will be enough to sustain their energy and will. It isn't. Nor is it the same as caring for a baby. Caregivers here loved their elder dearly. They had to place their elder to save both of their lives.

AL is NOT paid for by family. It is paid for by your mom.

Does she have SS, pensions savings?

Has she applied for LTC Medicaid?

https://njelc.com/medicaid-in-new-jersey-at-home-vs-in-assisted-living-vs-a-nursing-home/#:~:text=Medicaid's%20MLTSS%20covers%20residents%20in,own%20specific%20conditions%20for%20admission.

Having watched what my mother went through post stroke, all that you name with your mother, and knowing that more complications added on over time, I don’t think either plan is doable over time without lots of extra help. A stroke patient with paralysis, after whatever level of recovery is achieved in therapy, most often stalls out and often declines further. My family didn’t see this coming, nor the depression that accompanies stroke damage. It was all overwhelming. To mom and us. I can only hope that in any setting, her home or yours, there are sufficient extra caregivers to sustain around the clock care. Sadly, my mother’s needs could not be met in a home setting, at all. It’s not what anyone wants, but it’s sometimes the only choice left to use managed care. Do not sacrifice your health, family life, or finances for this. If your mother were healthy and whole, she would never want you to do that. I wish you the best in figuring out the best solution

Please, oh please don't try to be the end-all, be-all for your mom.

Get her into an appropriate facility ASAP. You will kill yourself with the care required to keep one aging sick person on their feet.
I'm really hoping my year long rant/post is helping somebody out there to see the writing on the wall.

Even my reluctant DH admitted his mom should have been tucked away in this facility 5 years ago--the last year being a slice of hell for many people involved.

Are you completely crackers? Do NOT move her into your house. Get her into an AL facility. The fact that she does not want to go there is irrelevant. She needs more care than a family member can provide.