I moved my Aunt out of her home in early November under the guise that it needed repairs.

Due to her dementia and what I now understand to be Anosognosia, I had no choice but to tell a "therapeutic fib".

In January , after having been told her house has been sold many times, she really started to settle into her new home.

Although she has been seemingly happy for 2 months, all of the sudden she has started asking about going home again.

When I gently remind her that her home has been sold to someone else, she tells me she remembers, but would like to see it again. 43 years of memories.

I have seen pictures of the house now. It looks totally different!

Do I show her the new pictures or do I leave it alone?

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Absolutely not.

I saw my old family home after the people who bought it completely remodeled it (and I must say, it looked fantastic!) But they tore down walls and changed the footprint of the house so much--mother's heart would have been broken.

Daddy BUILT our home. That's how much love went into it. We all helped. I do not have fabulous memories of that house, so I could look at it with a jaded eye, so to speak. Mother would never recover from seeing her beloved 100% wood paneled 60's designed home brought into the 21st century.
Helpful Answer (1)

Deflect and redirect her attention. Because she’s not going to remember she no longer lives there and every time she brings it up and you show her pictures, she’s not going to remember the previous discussions and she’s going to get upset and go through the same pain & sadness.
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I absolutely would not, and I would not “gently remind her” of having lost the home that she loved. I would defer, deflect, change the subject.

In an almost identical situation with my LO, I immediately go to how cozy and convenient her present quarters are, how nice it is to be surrounded by people who help her, and how happy and relieved I am that she’s closer to me than she was before. She left a house in which she was born, that had been in the family for about 130 years.

It crushed me to have to sell it, but there was no family left that wanted it. Every room was a reflection of her love for that house.

She’s approaching her second anniversary in assisted living, and I now feel reasonably comfortable showing her snapshots of loved ones in and outside of the house, and she seems to not be triggered by them, but I don’t deliberately “poke the bear”, because I am too grateful that she is usually peaceful, enjoys the food, and apparently sleeps fairly well.

One of the hardest aspects of the whole miserable process, selling the home.
Helpful Answer (4)

Show her pictures of what it looked like when she was living there.
To show her photos of a remodeled house she may become anxious and upset. Not to mention she may not even recognize the house if the transformation has been dramatic.
You can talk to her about the house, this is where we used to have picnics in the back yard...this is where you taught me to ride my used to bake the best cookies in the neighborhood.....Then ...this is your home now.....we can still bake the best cookies in the neighborhood, lets go do that now.
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No, it would only agitate her since she can't remember selling it in the first place and would no doubt disapprove of any changes too. Distract and redirect.
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