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I can't believe it has come to this. My mom is coming home next week and my absentee POA brother is still directing her to not give me any POA for her healthcare. She will not be able to walk. She is blind. I know he is not going to provide for her care well enough because he doesn't admit how frail and disabled she is. I have told him that we will not be here to take care of her if I am not given at least shared POA, as he has told doctors and nurses to not communicate with me and his blocked my number. I am so sick to my stomach constantly. My mom is no friend of mine, but he is abusive, abandoned her last year to move 60 miles away without telling me, and also left her for dead last month with two broken ribs, no food and no medicine. My husband and I have been her caregivers for years but get no respect or acknowledgment. I can't afford an attorney but I filled out a Petition to Construe Power of Attorney and Review Agent Conduct, which will petition the court to examine his behavior and, hopefully, remove him as POA. I cannot believe it has come to this. Has anyone else gone ahead with a petition like this against a power hungry sibling and a parent who totally defers to them?

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I think from your other posts that your mom is still legally competent but under the influence of your brother? If so, his Power of Attorney will end when her health crisis is over. Unless the kidney problem has caused her cognitive damage, or she voluntarily gives up her powers, she is going to revert to having her own power of attorney.

I understand how angry and hurt you must be. However, the main thing is your mother's safety. I think you should describe to the discharge planner the care your mother will need to stay at home. Make it clear (very calmly) that your husband and you cannot be counted on to provide the care for your mother that you have provided in the past. (Very Important- no IFs. You aren't going to do it. Period.)

Let your mother- if she is still competent- with the help of your brother make safe arrangements for herself. If you don't believe she is safe, call in Adult Protective Services.

You are going to drive yourself crazy trying to get your mother or brother to act the way you want them to act. People don't change. No matter how much you want or need her to change, she's not going to be the lifeline you had hoped she would be. I'm sorry. You have a husband and daughters and life ahead of you. Focus on that and let your mother make her own, bad decisions.
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Reply to Marcia7321
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Mom is "coming" back to her home, which is essentially now where I and my husband live to, as we are with her all the time. I don't want to be my mom's caregiver if my mom can't show me the decency of making me her POA, especially since my brother is abusive and abandoned her. For crying out loud, I am supposed to literally wipe her after every trip to the bathroom, wash her soiled bedding, read to her and clean the floors numerous times a day, but I'm not allowed to talk to her doctors? I am sick of giving up my life for someone who doesn't seem to care about me at all and just takes from us. My brother is a sociopath and has anger issues and abuse issues. He abandoned her but did not tell us he was moving because he wanted to maintain control. He dumped her with broken ribs and no food or medicine because she wanted to go home and he got mad at her and left her in a huff. My mom has lived alone until the last two years, when we have essentially lived with her. My apartment is just a block away and we are there around the clock. My brother cares because he has mortgaged her house five times, forged more mortgage documents, writes himself checks and does other things for his own benefit. Her Trust seems to totally allow him to do whatever he wants. I think my only recourse is to go at him from the abuse and abandonment stance, as Mom seems to have given him full control of her estate willingly.
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Reply to ChiGirl68
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The POA can stop the doctors from speaking with you. He cannot stop you from talking to the doctors. Call the hospital. Speak with the Social Worker. As calmly as you can, alert them to the conditions into which your mom is being discharged. Alert them to the fact that the POA saying he can care for her upon discharge is not true, based on past experiences. Be very accepting when they tell you "We are not authorized to speak with you on this case." Say you understand completely, but you wanted to make sure they knew the discharge plan may be unsafe. I would follow up with a letter or email detailing the conversation.

The less emotion you bring to this conversation, the better it will be for you. Calm. Factual. Follow up in writing.
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Reply to Marcia7321
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ChiGirl68 wrote another post about her situation that I think helps us understand what she is going through:
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/my-mom-agreed-to-sign-a-refinancing-to-keep-her-in-her-home-and-help-my-business-pay-off-some-debt-b-440953.htm
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Reply to DeeAnna
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Have you ever, at any time, contacted Adult Protective Services? If ever there was a textbook example to open a case, this is it.

You're taking your brother to court. Mom is coming to your home? Or will she be living alone? In her condition? But you don’t want to be her caregiver because you don’t get along with her. Or your brother. Were you or your brother caring for her? Where was she before that he abandoned her? Was she living with him, you or alone? I’m assuming you have an attorney? What has your attorney said about this? Have the police ever been called? If brother abandoned her, why would he block your access to her? Why would he care?

You really need to call APS and have all this documented.
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Reply to Ahmijoy
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