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Hi,


So my grandfather is in his 70's. He's recently retired with a second hip replacement that is not going so well and showing signs of memory issues.


My father is 49 years old a type 2 diabetic, going blind (is about to have surgery in an attempt to save one eye but the other is shot). He can't work.


Both have the worst diets and refuse to exercise. My grandpa lives off of a monsters and cigarettes and my dad loves soda. Neither have any money saved up. My dad is about to get disability next month and my grandfather gets a SS check. Neither can really drive. Both are stuck at home all day and need some form of looking after. I think they both would benefit from seeing a therapist or talking to someone. I can tell they are lonely and depressed. I don't know how to help them because they refuse to see anyone.


I am 24 years old. I stopped going to school because they need help and I work full on top of that. Both are prideful men and my grandfather doesn't to go into a home ( I'm not even sure I could afford to put him in a home). I feel like I do not get to have a future because I have to look have after them. I have to take care of them. I feel like my life is essentially over. I don't know what to do. I don't know the next steps to take. I am just sort of at the end of my rope and I need some advice because I literally don't have any other family to ask for help or advice from.

You are so young. Please don't destroy your life over these two selfish men who refuse to take care of themselves.

YOU MATTER. Don't throw your life away.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to CTTN55
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You are making very important life choices by leaving school and assuming responsibility for these two adult men, who are not mentally disabled. They can make their own decisions and so can you.

You do NOT have to take care of them. You decided to. You might want to discuss that decision with someone professional.

Many jobs offer Employee Assistance Programs where you can get counseling. Ask Human Resources at your job if that's available to you. Good luck. You sound very kind hearted. Try to be kind to yourself as well as others.
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Reply to Marcia7321
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I know 70 is old to you, but it really isn't. Yes, both have health problems but can pretty much take care of themselves. You need to set boundries now. If you do the shopping, pick a day convenient to you. Have them list things they need or you take inventory. Tell them you will shop once a week. If they need anything in between, thats their responsibility. They need to understand that you have a life and you are not able to do everything for them. I would tell them too, no calls at work unless an emergency. That picking up some cigs on the way home doesn't constitute an emergency.

Noe Gpa. Even though I said 70 is not old, going under for a hip replacement could cause some memory problems. What kind of meds is Gpa on? Certain ones can cause problem. Research them on the internet and see what the side effects are. Then call the doctor and explain his symptoms. If Gpa in the future starts to show Dementia symptoms then he may need to be placed in LTC with Medicaid. No way should u try to care for two people. And if Dad doesn't start caring for himself, he will not live to see 70. Diabetes causes lots of problems, heart and kidney failure are two.

Do you have siblings? If so tell them you are not going to do it all. A POA should be assigned for both Dad and Gpa.

What you owe them is that they are safe, clean, fed and cared for. If that means placement in a facility then so be it. You also need to make them aware of this too. You are not sacrificing your life for two men that don't care about theirs.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Definitely don't give up on your life. Charmon has good advice. Your life is just as important as theirs, and you need to take care of yourself. It is sad that their lives are having problems, but you cannot fix them and they will have to live with their choices.

Best wishes.
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Reply to chdottir
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NO, DO NOT give up your one and only life! Contact your county's Area Agency on Aging (sometimes it has a slightly different name) regarding grandpa and see if they or someone else can direct you regarding dad. These two made their choices, so can you.

After they are sorted out, go back to school, kid! Best of luck to you.
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Reply to SnoopyLove
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charmon59 Oct 4, 2018
Wow, thank you I did not expect to get a response so quickly. Thank you so much for the advice!
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