I really am not ready to place him. A social worker told me if this was needed quickly, I'd have a much easier time getting him in . I thought if they call you with a bed you have to say "yes" or "lose your place" on the waiting list.

Rehab gave me a hard time bringing him home last time. I cried at the meeting when they pressured me. That is a nursing home I would actually want --in the future when needed.

He had a stroke almost 10 years ago. We are both 68. thanks, chris

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I can only tell you from my experience. I applied to a nursing home and there were no beds. About 2 months after I submitted my application, a bed came available. I asked the admissions person to let me see the floor/room/unit and I was accommodated. I didn't like it, it was on a different floor than the one I had visited, and it wasn't as nice. I told them I'd wait until a room on my desired floor/unit came available. They were fine with that and called me about a month later. I would recommend visiting the nursing home and taking a full tour of all the units. Take notes. Pre-decide what you would accept and what you wouldn't. When they call you, I would recommend going to look at the availability before making a decision. Even if you don't feel ready. You may feel differently (or not) when you see what's offered. Look at the room and roommate if applicable. If you turn the room down, let them know why. If you would prefer a different unit, or the roommate is a screamer, let them know that's the reason you're passing in the bed. They want you in there so they can make money. If they know what you will accept, they'll call you when they can accommodate you. Perhaps if a spot in your ideaI unit came available, you would be ready. Give yourself that chance, and if you pass, you pass. Tell the person you would like to be kept on the list or at the top of the list. don't be afraid to level with them. Their job is to fill beds and they can do that better with more information. good luck to you. I know this is hard. I remember when I placed my mother, how I cried in the hallway in spite of trying to hold it back.Now, a year later, my mom is so much happier and better off. she actually has friends and more independence than she had at home. Private room, too.
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The facility my mom is on a wait list for did not require a deposit, solely because so many things can happen before her name came up on the list. One suggestion is if you EVER anticipate needing him to go on Medicaid find a home that will change payment arrangements and accept it after a period of self pay.
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I suppose it's possible that, to get on the waiting list in the first place,, one might have to give them a non refundable deposit. But this could easily be ascertained by asking the nursing home what their policy is before you place your name.

Put your name on the list. Start a relationship with the nursing home of your choice. It is absolutely in your husband's best interest that you do so. You are 68 years old. You and I are at the age that LATER TODAY we could have a major health event.

Your husband deserves the insurance that a waiting list will provide.
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Ask the facility different places have different rules. At the facility where my mom is, at least in theory, the wait list is about a year long. When mom's name comes up, they will call and if we are not ready will call the next person on the list until they have a taker. They will keep mom at the top of the list through this cycle three times then will drop her to the bottom of the list.

When did you put him on a wait list and how long is it?
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I think this depends on where you live and the policy in place. Don't be shy about asking questions, it is the only way to learn. I think sometimes people in a certain professions forget that what is routine to them is totally foreign to those on the outside. I was also encouraged to put my mom on a wait list, but it proved to be bad advice as not only did a bed become available before we needed one, we were dropped from the list altogether and had to wait to reapply.
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