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Obviously I understood this question completely differently. We need clarification. I understood that the poster has assistance from a certified nurse assistant. Somehow he thought he has to marry his CNA to qualify and to receive aid and attendance.
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Yes you have to be married to a Vet to get A&A. She wouldn't be able to get it unless she needed some kind of care and didn't have the income to cover it. Also, not sure if you don't have to be married a certain length of time. You as the Vet have to have served during a war or conflict.

Now for u, if u are not receiving it you may want to apply.  Talk to ur local VA office.
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No. If she is telling you that it is a huge red flag.
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