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I been in this facility in Yonkers, NY 3 yrs. After 2 yrs of being here I started a relationship with another patient and now engaged. He's been discharged over a year now and since he's been gone it's like next thing we know there's a new rule just for him when he comes to visit me. Let me just mention we've never been caught doing the nasty because we haven't done that yet. The first time he came to visit he was told we can only visit in the main dining room where all other patients hang out. No privacy if I want to cry I won't. Every few months there's something different he use to wheel my chair to basement to smoke room then he was told he could bring me down just not go in the room. Few months later he wasn't able to bring me down at all. Then last week as he always does before he leaves he gets on elevator and drops me off on my floor. He was told he's no longer allowed to be on the elevator. Nothing was said to us by the nursing director who made this rule they told security who then told us. My question is even though I'm a competent 40 yr old sane woman this facility still needs my mother permission for anything. My fiancée is on my visiting list and able to take me out on pass because she knows as well as I do he won't hurt me or put me in harms way. Do him or I have any rights because all other visitors are allowed to visit in rooms, smoking room and not restricted. Can someone please help me.

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Nursing Homes are very busy places. In NY the majority of newly diagnosed STD cases on the DOH reports come from nursing homes. Both nursing homes and group homes are required to have women checked by a gynecologist prior to admission and then annually. Apparently a lot goes on between check-ups.
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A nursing facility is considered the persons home. My daughter says "things" do go on between people. A facility cannot keep residents fron "dating". Either can they restrict visitors unless they have proof that vistor is disruptive then police get involved. What we need to know is if the mother is her guardian. If so, then a lawyer needs to get involved t change it. If a POA, mother doesn't have rights unless daughter can't speak for herself. POA can be revolked. Until we know these facts, hard to help. There r agencies that oversee this kind of thing. May need boyfriend to get involved and lauch an investigation.
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Hmm...tricky situation. Can you ask the town's social worker if dating is allowed in NH's?
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The facility should have a document about your rights. Ask for a copy. By law this place is now your home and has to be treated as such.
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POA don't have rights over a person if that person is able to make decisions. Its a tool for someone to make decisions if the person can't. Guardianship is another thing. This is given by a court. If parents have guardianship you need to talk to them. Maybe they r trying to protect you. If there is no reasoning than take the suggestion to talk to a lawyer and see if the guardianship can be reversed.
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Something is not right with this story... smoking in nursing homes in the New York City area had been banned since 2009. Plus Governor Andrew Cuomo signed into law a bill in 2013 that will prohibit smoking on and around hospital grounds and nursing homes throughout the State.
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There is no way to answer this as we do not have all the information. Something is being left out.
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Well if you feel like crying when you see him, there is something wrong. Your Guardian and the Nursing Home are obliged to protect patients from anyone who causes them emotional distress.
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It is also my experience that the facility will comply with requests from the guardian or even the POA, most of the time. And sometimes family members misuse this power to carry out their own personal wishes about what should happen rather than to appropriately protect the patient from actual harm. Guardians of every kind answer to the courts, they do have a "boss" but even then sometimes they go too far on life restrictions for the protected adult. You need an official "third party" like a court appointed lawyer or the ombudsman to help arbitrate these differences. I am guessing that your mom is directing those nursing home decisions about the boyfriend, and she has her reasons for those.
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The previous responders are giving good advice. I would also want to know WHY you are living in a nursing home? And is your Mother your guardian or your Power of Attorney? You mention being in a wheelchair? So is it the physical, medical condition that is the reason you are in the nursing home? Are there previous problems with your fiancé and the nursing home from his time living there? What is his story? Is it something about him that is the reason the nursing home staff is putting up barriers? Seems to me, that either your Mother who gives permission for all sorts of your activity and needs, or the nursing home admin staff, has more history or info and are the reason behind these restrictions being put in front of you re: your friendship with this other person. And YES...you have the right to demand answers as to who, what and why these decisions are being made.
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Your mother must be your legally appointed guardian for some reason, and you are living in a nursing home for some reason. A guardian does have the duty to optimize your life and yet keep you safe. Sometimes the guardian has to ease up on restrictions which are not really just for safety, and disagreements such as this are sometimes handled by appeal to the courts. For example, if she says you cannot marry and you want to marry, that is heard by petition to probate court. In the long run, you may appeal for a change to another guardian because of disagreements. These are rights you retain.
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It sounds like you may want to talk to the Head Department of Nursing about this one because from what you described it sounds to me like they're discriminating against him and most likely trying to cleverly discourage him from visiting by putting all kinds of restrictions on him. This may actually be because he is a former patient, but that really shouldn't matter.

Another thing to consider is the fact he's a former patient who used to live there. Your mom is probably your guardian from what you're describing, so you may actually want to talk to her as well. Another thing you can do is request to speak to your local APS or even a lawyer who specializes in these types of cases. You should be able to get a free consultation and even get the lawyer to get paid after they have handled your case. This would be called pro bono from what I've been told.

Another place you may want to speak to is your state civil rights department about this matter. Your state name and then civil rights department. For instance, if you live in Ohio, it would be called the Ohio civil rights department. I would definitely go for this especially since your money most likely goes to the nursing home. The civil rights department most likely has their own lawyers, I wouldn't be a bit surprised.
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