For all of u that have been following and helping me with my moms situation I wanted to update u and ty again. Mom is still in Magnolia residential care llc and seems to be getting more depressed every day. I’ve been able to speak to her 4 times. Once was because her best friend let her call me from the friends cell phone. She was later reprimanded by my brother and now barely speaks to me for fear of not being able to see mom. Several people have been blocked from calling including me for whatever reason,most r people my brother doesn’t care for. Sonia rarely answers the phone at her buisness and has been caught in a few lies about why we r unable to speak to mom. She told a close friend she’s only doing what Gary,my bro, tells her to do. Seems she would know what is and isn’t illegal and disregard what he says for the sake of her buisness since calling her was such a mess my bro put up a call schedule for everyone. They all were at 10:00-10:30am on a certain day he said he and Sonia would figure out this schedule. Nothing changed and come to find out those times of the day r the busiest for Sonia smh I had one nice conversation with Sonia and felt like we were on better terms. Not so fast…I got a new phone number and called from it. Politely asked to speak to mom. She said umm ok hold on just a minute. I thought I was on hold but it disconnected. I called back twice and got the pick up hang up crap. My aunt gets the same thing. I’m at the end of my rope so do I just give up the fight?? Only other option I see is going to nv and bringing her home with me. I’m just lost. Do I give up ? Ty all for your help Uv been angels that I needed on this crazy bizarre situation
If your brother has already been warned by the state about not isolating your mother again, then the facility she's in should get a call from you today. So should the state.
I don't know who this 'Sonia' person is or what her correlation is to your mother and family. Was she your mother's caregiver one time? Did your mother own a business that she worked for? Either way she too should be reported to the state because she is aiding in the isolation of your mother that your brother was warned about.
As for your mom growing ever more depressed by the day. How would you know this if your brother prevents you from having contact with her?
Do you have someone close to your mom who passes you information? If so then this person needs to know that your brother is on the state's radar about isolating your mother and that person could also get trouble for assisting him in isolating her.
First step. Gather all the information you can about the person in the state who warned your brother about isolating your mother from people.
-What is their name?
-What state agency do they work for?
-How long ago was your brother spoken to about the matter?
-Was this a legal and official warning that's somewhere in a case file, or was it just a friendly warning from a social worker about what could possibly happen if he isolates her?
Step two.
-Take this information to the facility your mother is. Let them know what agency and who issued this warning. They need to know you're not whistling Dixie here and will bring a lawsuit if needs be.
-Take this information to the police as well.
-Give your brother and this Sonia person a call and give them the name of the person who gave him the warning.
-Have a free consultation with an elder law attorney and explain all of this. See what they advise. It never hurts to be able to say you've got a lawyer working for you.
Good luck and keep us posted.
Any fight for guardianship would run about 10,000 and then there is the fact that the one with custody often wins, the current POA, and you would be stuck with the expenses.
You are correct. This may be a time to give up. I myself cannot see an answer if the brother has been made POA, and if the mother cannot change that, and if the brother won't speak to you.
You might consider an elder law attorney for an hour of time to see if there is some option we may have missed, but I can't imagine what.
I believe I would write, say, whatever this once. And then I would beg that I be called as to a time I might speak with Mom, saying that I will not bother him again, and whether or not I am allowed to speak with my Mom rests with his best judgement.
THAT, if I wished to be allowed to give my Mom my love, is what I would personally do. I don't see that there is another choice. I don't really understand what water is gone under the bridge over time, so I can't say what else might help other than offering help or assistance to the brother.
I want to point out that if you don't have contact with your mother, you really don't have any way of knowing these things, yes?
Are you getting this information from another source?
Can you send a nice, chatty card once a week, telling her how much your love her? That way she knows that you are thinking about her.
You asked, "...do I just give up the fight?? Only other option I see is going to nv and bringing her home with me. I’m just lost. Do I give up ?"
I guess the question is if no one is your Mom's PoA legal guardian and your Mom doesn't have a medical diagnosis of incapacity, then you may have a chance to bring her home and be her 24/7 unpaid caregiver.
But if someone is her PoA, then you will need to wrestle away control through the courts for her guardianship. Expensive and time-consuming and if anyone fights you for it, the judge may decide to give guardianship to a neutral 3rd party guardian just to protect your Mom from the family in-fighting.