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Husband evaluated last week, (Vascular dementia prognosis about 3 yrs. ago, Drs. couldn't tell when it all started). Evaluation results, moderate dementia & it will get worse. Lately he has not been liking foods I've made him for yrs. Odd ? I just read last night that dementia patients taste change and can forget what food tastes like? Another hurdle to deal with I guess. Docs asked if we have wills, POAs & directives? We do. " who would take care of him if he survives me, dementia/Alz. patients usually out live their caregivers."
All not easy to listen to. I apprised brother & daughter (50+) of my husband's issues when this all begin. I felt it my moral obligation, didn't want anything but to let them know. Both of them have distanced themselves pretty much. They never call to ask how he is doing & the updates I would send them were not acknowledged so I stopped. Haven't heard from daughter since the day after her fathers b'day May of last yr. Brother calls occasionally, very short conversations.
We' ve been married for over thirty yrs. & my two daughters & 3 grandchildren do care, love him and help us. Since I was asked who would care for him in the event I was not around, we both named my eldest daughter in that regard years ago. So I don't know if I should contact his brother and daughter again.
Somedays get a bit stressful but pretty much I'm ok. He's 77, I am 76 & in good health.
Thanks for any input.
God bless..

Yes, I hoped you asked your daughter. POA is a big responsibility. She may not want it.

When all is said and down, the choice is yours. Who is the best one for the job.

I see no reason why the brother should know. I would never think to tell my brother or BILs who I and my husband chose for POAs. Now his daughter, I may tell her but if she hasn't talked to her Dad in over a year, I wouldn't worry about it.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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I'd say don't borrow trouble, chances are that your daughter will never be called upon as secondary POA so there is no reason to subject yourself to any premature drama.
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Reply to cwillie
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Could you clarify, is the daughter in question also your daughter or from a previous relationship?
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Reply to tacy022
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Full disclosure is always the best bet. Does your daughter not know that you prefer her to take over caregiving if something should happen to you? She should know this because she may not be willing or able to take over caregiving duties.

Future expectations and wishes should always be discussed within the family so that there's no confusion or surprises when the time comes and so everyone knows what to do at that point.
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Reply to Eyerishlass
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