Do I always have to feel I have to please my mom without guilt? I only ask siblings for a weekend break once a month? Too much to ask for?

Dear Cathy,

I am very sorry to hear how you feel. I know how hard it is to be a full time caregiver. We all get to a breaking point. I hope you will consider talking to a family therapist, counsellor or joining a support group. I know its a lot easier said than done but its okay to have boundaries. It's okay to have your own life and not feel guilt.

I grew up being a pleaser and tried to do all my parents bidding. I never learned how to ask for help or even accept it. I hope their are some community resources or maybe a social worker can help with other options.

Thinking of you. Sending you hugs.

Start by reading about Fear, Obligation and Guilt. (FOG).

Do you live with mom, or she with you? How did this come about, and how soon can it change?

"Had to" buy mom a car? Why? Someone held a gun to your head?

Examine the behaviors, of your mom, yourself. What is driving this?

Find a therapist and discover how to change the scene.

Your mom has depression, from your information. At least your mom is in control of her faculties (not dementia or Alzheimer's). Can your mom be moved to assisted living and get some help with her depression? I agree with the others above about getting some counseling for yourself and for your mother and move her out.

Is the car in her name, title hers? If not, not her car just hers to use. Can u get the siblings together. Tell them Mom living with you is not working. It's time to find her another place. There r some nice senior apts that charge rent on scale.

not that I have mastered this by any means, but I remember Ann Landers or the other one used to say no one can take advantage of you without your permission. I am trying to learn to set up boundaries and apparently you do to.