Do I abandon my daughter or chance losing time with my husband? What do I do?

Having them move into your home is not a good idea. Her kids have already had their world shaken with their mom's cancer. They need all the stability they can get right now, and at their ages, switching schools (virtual or no) is a big deal to them. Plus your daughter would have to get a whole new team of doctors. It's not feasible.

You're not "abandoning" your daughter (or husband). They know you can only do so much and not like they can split you in two! I'm sure they both love you and understand your being stretched so thin.

If her kids' father isn't around... maybe can look up resources for her in Indiana. Even basic things like a housecleaner once a week or a nurse visit. She isn't the only person who has had family in other states during chemo. If she's involved with a cancer-only medical practice, they might have info on where to get help.

Cancer is horrible for everyone involved. Hang in there.

Where is her husband because this is the person who should be caring for her. My sister also had an aggressive cancer. My Mom spent 8 months two states away with her because she had a small son. I watched over Dad. So I do see where your coming from. My sister's health insurance would not cover her treatments in another state. Only the state she lived in.

Seems husband may need you too. Has daughter had her surgery? If so, has she started the chemo? Really, staying there a year is really not feasible when u have a husband that seems to have health problems. Maybe get her through the initial surgery and maybe a couple of treatments. Then you will know how things go. Then tell her she needs to go home to her kids and you need to get back to her father. Put the house up for sale before you leave.

What I would do is see if her insurance allows a Nurse to come and check on her. Some have this benefit.

What support does she have at her home in MI?
Husband? In-Law? Friends to support her?
If she has a good support system around her in addition to you then you going home to your husband and other family (I am assuming that your other daughter lives closer to you in Indy) she will be alright.
Now I will admit that I have never gone through what your daughter is going through so I may be completely wrong.
You can still visit, long weekends are a possibility although we are getting into winter and the drive could be long and possibly dangerous at times, ya never know when you will get a Lake Effect Snow (those of us in the Lake Michigan area know what they can be like!!!)
If your husband can travel with you on some of these visits that would be great.

I see your daughters side of not wanting to uproot her kids. Even if they are doing remote learning I am sure they are still seeing their friends and they NEED that. They need to be able to talk to their friends about what is going on in their lives and express the fear, anger and frustration they are experiencing.

Talk to your daughter and find out exactly what she wants, what she sees as a balanced alternative. YOU may want to be with her and "help" her through this but what does SHE want?

One thing I know, and that is when a child is sick(regardless of age), they want their mom, so it's only natural that she wants you with her while she goes through her treatments. I'm sure you want to be there as well. And of course you're torn between staying with your daughter and going home to be with your husband. Can your husband not join you in MI and help you with your daughters care? If he can't then perhaps you can split your time between the two, and make sure you have caregivers lined up to help with your daughter while you are back home with hubby. Where there is a will there is a way. You do need to take care of yourself as well, as caregiver burnout is very real, so whatever you decide please make sure that you are taking time for yourself. And don't forget to take time to grieve for your own mom as well. Sounds like you jumped right from the frying pan into the fire. Praying for your daughters healing and that you will have peace in whatever you decide. God bless you.

I'm very sorry that your daughter and you and the whole family are going through this.

I have to say straight away that I think your daughter is quite right to reject the idea of uprooting her boys. I don't know how long everyone has had to absorb this new information about her cancer? - but the last thing those teenagers need is a total change of environment.

Would you mind clarifying the situation as is? So you and daughter are currently staying at your late mother's house, in ? For how long do you and she expect to be there?

Supposing she heads home once this visit is done. Who will she have at home besides her boys? Husband, other family, friends, neighbours, health care team that she trusts? I don't know, of course, but I think it's very possible it's not just the boys she doesn't want to uproot.

Give it time for plans to fall into shape. Meanwhile, whatever you do, don't add to your anxieties and hers by opposing whatever she wants to do for the time being.