I guess I posted my request for suggestions in the wrong board. If you have time, please read my message under caring for mother but reply here. This is the first time I've ever done this so please forgive me. Thanks a bunch.
I watched the 'caregivers' video on here, did you? It was quite good, and helpful.
Wish I could offer you more help, advice, support ... if you have watched the video it may help you with some 'options' and 'self care' ... but I'm sure with Alzheimers it is much more difficult to deal with things. Is there an Alzheimers support group in your area that you could attend?? I'm going to check out support groups near me, for caregivers.
My mom is 80, no problems with alzheimers, and she is still fairly fit and active (most days); however, her health issues are increasing and so are the meds.
I find I am in demand when drives are needed to doctor's appointments, specialist's appointment, when there is a crisis (which is every other week it seems, she makes mountains out of mole hills), or looking after her pooch, and yet when she is ok and doing well I'm tossed aside!
My sister lives out of province and is no help at all ... I can't even unload on her, she just frustrates me, she lives her little life out where she is and no worries about emergency phone calls, demands on her time, etc., so I've stopped talking to her about how I feel. That's why I came to this web site, to hopefully find support and info, and unload now and again, and to help others in any way I can.
I have been my mother's caregiver now for about 15 years ... helped her through her husband's death, her depression (got her to counselling and involved in a grieving support group) and then her various illnesses ... inflammatory disease, high blood pressure, seizures, hip replacement, and help getting to doctor and filling prescriptions etc., moral support, and am always helping with one crisis or another as I mentioned ... including her putting off to the last minute getting prescriptions filled (on purpose - has other things to do, like shopping etc.!!) and then panic mode because doesn't have the the right meds, and/or health ramifications because of not taking enough ... going to emergency etc.!! I sometimes think she is someone who craves attention and sometimes creates situations to get it ?? Ya know ??
She can also be quite hurtful towards me, I'm not sure if she means it or not .. but she seems to enjoy it ... I am realizing she does not have good boundaries or respect for other's boundaries ... I am constantly having to make sure mine are good and strong!
Thank you for taking the time to write. Wow! I can't believe the similarities we have as far as a sister not really being involved - physically or emotionally. I also am the one who attends appointments, asks all the questions and does all the research. Maybe your Mom doesn't realize that she is being mean to you. I've been told, as far as Alzheimers is concerned, that they really don't know how they are being and when you try to ask them why, they deny that they acted that way. It's very frustrating for sure but as your name implies, "one day at a time" is all we get and there is only so much you can do. I will keep you in my prayers and please feel free to write again. We'll get through this!
No Alzheimers, yet! :) Sometimers maybe - ha ha. Actually, her mind is still quite good ... but there is a tendancy to say hurtful things, nothing drastic, just a dig now and again and then she kinda gets that look in her eyes, a bit develish ya know?, and then the laugh, almost like she's enjoying stirring it up.
I know she sometimes regrets what she says so I don't make a big deal of it, she even has admitted that she is controlling and can be bossy and that she is aware of that and she says she is trying to watch it ... but old habits die hard I guess - ha ha!
I had a few days off from being with her last week and felt so much better, I think I really needed a well deserved break ... today I spent the whole day with her, she wasn't going to come at first (to town) as she wasn't feeling so good, then she decided she would come, so off we went. Along the drive I discovered that she maybe wasn't feeling so great because she decided not to take one of her BP pills as it makes her go to the bathroom too much ... she tends to play doctor and sometimes there are pitfalls and emergency visits etc. Not sure why she does that ... it was a purposeful decision on her part, not that she forgot or anything.
Anyway, I didn't do so well this evening ... when I finally got home ... felt a bit stressed, ate too much (I'm trying to lose weight) felt kinda wound up, realized it was because I spent the whole day with her ... I need to not do that anymore, will just keep it to a couple of hours a day, or every other day, with intermittent phone calls, for my own mental health. I'm learning as I go about self-care and how important it is ... so that's a good thing :)
She is a good woman, very kind in so many ways, and can be fun, but there is something now and again - a bit manipulative or controlling ... not sure what to call it really ... even sometimes tries to jeopardize my dieting success or makes comments about what I can and can't eat etc., little derogatory digs. Talks about the past a lot, never stops talking actually, and always asks a million questions ... so it is, I realize, quite draining and tiring to be with her for too long. I don't like saying that, and I feel a bit mean, but ya know what, I also feel that you just have to face facts and look after yourself.
I really wish my sister would make more of an effort to have my mom visit her, she has the money to pay for her airfare, I have offered to look after her dog, but it never happens ... I have to try to just accept that though and not let resentment creep in, does us no good in the end - ha ha!
Anyway, it sure is good to unload - to someone, somewhere! So, thanks and I look forward to coming back and checking in and getting some good info here.
Hi! Great to hear from you again! I have a book that was just given to me by my Mom's neuro. and it is a great read, so far anyway. I just started it - not very far along but it is called "The 36-Hour Day". It's a family guide for persons caring for someone with alzheimer, related dementing illnesses and memory loss late in life. My family physician also had a copy I could have borrowed. I believe they got it from a pharmaceutical rep, because it says "brought to you by Forest Pharmaceuticals, Inc. So, they get it for free and I wouldn't hesitate to ask your family md. if they have a copy. If you want to check it out, there is a Web site noted on the back cover: www.twobookmark.com.
We may not be physically related, but we are in this "sisterhood" together. I am also trying to lose weight, but it is a constant battle. The more stress I have, the bigger my belly seems to get:) I also have rheumatoid arthritis and fibromyalgia and take a plethera of drugs which, of course, side effects include weight gain!?!
What are you trying - any special food plans (diet is such a hateful word)? Do you exercise? I do - in my mind!ha!ha!ha! Anyway, we need to celebrate our successes, such as making it through a visit with Mom and not exploding.
I'm so glad you got a break - a well-deserved one. Always make time for yourself each day, even if it's only 5 mins. of peace and quiet or doing something you totally love doing! As they say, if the vessel is empty, there is nothing to give!!
I don't know what to say ... I feel for you!
I watched the 'caregivers' video on here, did you? It was quite good, and helpful.
Wish I could offer you more help, advice, support ... if you have watched the video it may help you with some 'options' and 'self care' ... but I'm sure with Alzheimers it is much more difficult to deal with things. Is there an Alzheimers support group in your area that you could attend?? I'm going to check out support groups near me, for caregivers.
My mom is 80, no problems with alzheimers, and she is still fairly fit and active (most days); however, her health issues are increasing and so are the meds.
I find I am in demand when drives are needed to doctor's appointments, specialist's appointment, when there is a crisis (which is every other week it seems, she makes mountains out of mole hills), or looking after her pooch, and yet when she is ok and doing well I'm tossed aside!
My sister lives out of province and is no help at all ... I can't even unload on her, she just frustrates me, she lives her little life out where she is and no worries about emergency phone calls, demands on her time, etc., so I've stopped talking to her about how I feel. That's why I came to this web site, to hopefully find support and info, and unload now and again, and to help others in any way I can.
I have been my mother's caregiver now for about 15 years ... helped her through her husband's death, her depression (got her to counselling and involved in a grieving support group) and then her various illnesses ... inflammatory disease, high blood pressure, seizures, hip replacement, and help getting to doctor and filling prescriptions etc., moral support, and am always helping with one crisis or another as I mentioned ... including her putting off to the last minute getting prescriptions filled (on purpose - has other things to do, like shopping etc.!!) and then panic mode because doesn't have the the right meds, and/or health ramifications because of not taking enough ... going to emergency etc.!! I sometimes think she is someone who craves attention and sometimes creates situations to get it ?? Ya know ??
She can also be quite hurtful towards me, I'm not sure if she means it or not .. but she seems to enjoy it ... I am realizing she does not have good boundaries or respect for other's boundaries ... I am constantly having to make sure mine are good and strong!
Anyway, I'm glad I have found this site ...
Try to take good care of you!
Thank you for taking the time to write. Wow! I can't believe the similarities we have as far as a sister not really being involved - physically or emotionally. I also am the one who attends appointments, asks all the questions and does all the research.
Maybe your Mom doesn't realize that she is being mean to you. I've been told, as far as Alzheimers is concerned, that they really don't know how they are being and when you try to ask them why, they deny that they acted that way.
It's very frustrating for sure but as your name implies, "one day at a time" is all we get and there is only so much you can do. I will keep you in my prayers and please feel free to write again. We'll get through this!
No Alzheimers, yet! :) Sometimers maybe - ha ha. Actually, her mind is still quite good ... but there is a tendancy to say hurtful things, nothing drastic, just a dig now and again and then she kinda gets that look in her eyes, a bit develish ya know?, and then the laugh, almost like she's enjoying stirring it up.
I know she sometimes regrets what she says so I don't make a big deal of it, she even has admitted that she is controlling and can be bossy and that she is aware of that and she says she is trying to watch it ... but old habits die hard I guess - ha ha!
I had a few days off from being with her last week and felt so much better, I think I really needed a well deserved break ... today I spent the whole day with her, she wasn't going to come at first (to town) as she wasn't feeling so good, then she decided she would come, so off we went. Along the drive I discovered that she maybe wasn't feeling so great because she decided not to take one of her BP pills as it makes her go to the bathroom too much ... she tends to play doctor and sometimes there are pitfalls and emergency visits etc. Not sure why she does that ... it was a purposeful decision on her part, not that she forgot or anything.
Anyway, I didn't do so well this evening ... when I finally got home ... felt a bit stressed, ate too much (I'm trying to lose weight) felt kinda wound up, realized it was because I spent the whole day with her ... I need to not do that anymore, will just keep it to a couple of hours a day, or every other day, with intermittent phone calls, for my own mental health. I'm learning as I go about self-care and how important it is ... so that's a good thing :)
She is a good woman, very kind in so many ways, and can be fun, but there is something now and again - a bit manipulative or controlling ... not sure what to call it really ... even sometimes tries to jeopardize my dieting success or makes comments about what I can and can't eat etc., little derogatory digs. Talks about the past a lot, never stops talking actually, and always asks a million questions ... so it is, I realize, quite draining and tiring to be with her for too long. I don't like saying that, and I feel a bit mean, but ya know what, I also feel that you just have to face facts and look after yourself.
I really wish my sister would make more of an effort to have my mom visit her, she has the money to pay for her airfare, I have offered to look after her dog, but it never happens ... I have to try to just accept that though and not let resentment creep in, does us no good in the end - ha ha!
Anyway, it sure is good to unload - to someone, somewhere! So, thanks and I look forward to coming back and checking in and getting some good info here.
We may not be physically related, but we are in this "sisterhood" together. I am also trying to lose weight, but it is a constant battle. The more stress I have, the bigger my belly seems to get:) I also have rheumatoid arthritis and fibromyalgia and take a plethera of drugs which, of course, side effects include weight gain!?!
What are you trying - any special food plans (diet is such a hateful word)? Do you exercise? I do - in my mind!ha!ha!ha! Anyway, we need to celebrate our successes, such as making it through a visit with Mom and not exploding.
I'm so glad you got a break - a well-deserved one. Always make time for yourself each day, even if it's only 5 mins. of peace and quiet or doing something you totally love doing! As they say, if the vessel is empty, there is nothing to give!!
Talk to you soon! :]
Just a note to say hi and let you know I'm thinking about you. I hope everything is ok. Hope to hear from you soon!