This is the case with mom. She lives with me and eats and sleeps ok and yet when someone sees her, they always comment that she looks exhausted and skinny. I feel this reflects badly on me since I'm the caregiver...
Mom has always been a poor eater all her life and she gets upset if I try to get her to eat more ...I just drop the issue when she gets agitated...
Your mother looks tired and thin because she's suffering from a debilitating disease that's sucking the life out of her and draining her brain of all it's resources, leaving her scrambling to remember literally ANYTHING.
When clueless people make thoughtless remarks, tell them you think your mother looks BEE-U-TEE-FUL and is doing MAH-VA-LISS, thank you very much!
Comments from the peanut gallery may be meant well, but they don't come off that way, do they?
Keep up the great work, my friend!
I think that lots of people start loosing weight with dementia and it is exhausting to be idle.
I would respond that they don't see her frequently enough for those comments. It's like watching a child grow with quarterly visits, seemingly growing like a sprout, when in fact it is a slow daily progression.
I am sorry that your visitors are not more positive in their observations, caregiving is difficult enough.
Your answer is kind and helpful. I liked “guilt and blame should not be in your vocabulary.” Indeed, the weight loss and tiredness will be more noticeable to those who don’t regularly see your loved one
My mom had Parkinson’s and my dad had cancer. Both of them lost weight due to their illnesses. We took them treats and let them eat whatever tasted best to them. Mom would eat yogurt and pudding: Dad preferred ice cream, or a McDonald’s hamburger and fries. They weren’t diabetic, so we let them have whatever was comforting to them at the moment. One of my friend’s dad is nearing end of life. He’s got a hankering for a garden-fresh tomato. We’ve had too many frosts to be able to locate a garden-fresh tomato, so others are trying to find store-bought that taste nearly as good as homegrown. In our society, food is big thing! While a person still has an appetite, my philosophy is to let them enjoy what they want. The time will come soon enough when they not only can’t eat, but won’t want anything.
For those of us who’ve walked in your shoes, we understand. Some of us also knew that this was the right thing to do for those we love(d).
Then you tell us "Mom has always been a poor eater.....and gets upset if I try to get her to eat more".
So now I don't know. Is she or is she not eating well?
If Mom is eating well and is getting plenty of sleep and is losing weight then you may be looking at an illness that is using up that energy so a physical is in order.
If she is not eating well, that is sometimes something that happens. The appetite does decrease.
As far as the opinions of others, unless they qualify as a medical doctor it is just so much more opinion you don't really need to deal with. Consult with her doc if you are worried. If Mom is overall comfortable and happy I would be the last to force her. Offer things she might love that are nutritious as well, milk shakes and so on.
Good luck.
I guess I thought if I got her to eat more, she would 'fatten' up and not look so tired to others. Then I realized mom has always been a poor eater and gets all upset if I asked her to eat more, so I am not doing that any more. She's sleeping well & mostly ok (except for the repetitive conversations) and using the bathroom regularly. So we are still in the better stage of dementia.
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