I went to see my mom yesterday. When I got there mom was actually up using her walker to go to the bathroom - first time I've seen her moving on her own in quite a while. After she got settled back into her recliner she said she had some important things for me. Mom handed me a much folded piece of paper covered in writing that didn't make a lot of sense to me. But on one part she had listed the important events in her life along with the year of occurance. Birth, college graduation, meeting my dad, marriage, first real job, birth of children etc. Mom said it was important for me to have this and handed it to me with the reverence due the original tablets containing the 10 Commandments. Then she gave me a zip-lock baggie containing a weird assortment of items and papers. Paper clips, random business cards, a page from an address book that was blank except for where she had written the word "scarf", a magazine article about the band One Direction (she doesn't even know who they are) and a few other odd things - again this was done with solemn reverence. I asked her about a few of the items but she really wasn't able to explain in any way that made sense. Baffled, but Iet it go. Mom went on to say she was going to die right after the New Year. I asked why she thought that and she said "it seems like a good time to wrap things up". Then she said she wanted me to help her with buying Christmas gifts. We spent an hour going over her list of people and deciding on gifts. I told her I would also pick up cards for her - for these specific people which pleased her. It was important to her that I get these things for her to personalize - made me promise I would have them for her in a week. Before I left she talked about how much she had always wanted a baby girl. With tears in her eyes she told me how happy she was the day I was born and said "you turned out pretty good". By the time I was walking to my car I was crying - and spent most of last night crying on and off. Finally my questions: First - does anyone here believe in NDA - near death awareness? When my dad was dying hospice gave me a copy of Final Gifts. It address what happens as people begin the process of dying. I thumbed through it but didn't read it and tossed it after dad died. It says it's common for people to take stock of their lives - to focus on the major events. It also said a lot of people who are in the death process can predict the date of their death with uncanny precision. Is this what's happening with my mom? And secondly - she has been so miserable to me I thought her death would be a relief to me - I never expected to feel the sadness I am. And it isn't over nostalgia because mom was no June Cleaver. Why so many conflicting emotions? And is NDA real?