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I have been POA (durable) for almost 4 years for my 90 year old widowed father who lives in his own home in WI. I live 400 miles away. His "assets" are enough to probably pay out of pocket for 4 years of NH care, if it came to that.

He has some dementia but wants to remain in his own home. Recently he sold some commercial property in his name in the amount of $35,000.00. Before the ink was even dry, one of my sister's said to me that amount now should be distributed equally to the same beneficiaries named in his will, which are 7, including myself. I tried to explain to her that I was hesitant to do so, as there is a Medicaid 5 year look back period if he would exhaust his funds. Her response, "he has plenty of money"..., implying that shouldn't be a problem. I considered distributing a lesser amount than $5,000 each, possibly $3,000 but again, if he would live longer and would have to have Medicaid at some point, the situation with the look back period would be the same.

This particular sibling has always been very focused on receiving money from Dad, whether now or after he is gone. She has spent more time with me arguing and dismaying that our dad didn't distribute his money to his (adult) children earlier than the last 5 years, so that he wouldn't have to use his " hard earned money" to pay for his own care if he had to go to a NH. Her argument is considering all the taxes his paid, it's time the "government" pays for his care, if necessary.

It's useless to try to explain anything to her as she as anecdotal comments of what other people have been able to do to avoid using their own funds to pay for NH care. She is fine to have in home help for him but when I've mentioned who would pay for that, she is usually without comment.

It bothers me no end that she feels she already has "ownership" of dad's money.

If according to what I understand her to say, he will outlive his money; if that would be the case she will get her portion of the sale after he is gone through the distribution of the will.

My question at this time is, am I being over cautious in not distributing the $35,000 to my siblings? My dad has said he is fine (he has no concept of the look back period, etc.) with whatever I would decide, That being said, he is very aware now and in the past my sister is always looking out (monetarily) for her 2 children and 8 grandchildren.

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You are absolutely right in my opinion to hold on to that money for your dad's possible care. Stiffing the taxpayers for your dad's care, if he has the money is flat-out wrong in my opinion. Your sister is greedy and it's obvious why your dad put YOU in charge of his money. Hold firm - you're doing the right thing! People like your sister make my blood boil!
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Stick to your guns. Those who haven't had this responsibility have no concept of the rules and regs, Your description is correct. Tell sis that IF your Dad has money left after he is gone, it will be distributed according to the Will. There isn't enough space on this board for me to describe the fiasco with an inheritance on my hubby's side of the family. The vultures who wouldn't visit for 10 minutes called the day after the death asking how much and when would it be distributed.

Need a financial reason, we recently buried a family member --- 101 1/2, another 98, and my MIL will be 99 in a few months. I wish your Dad the best but things can go sour rather quickly. 4 years of NH payments is NOT being overly cautious.
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You are not over cautious. Read some of the posts from freqflyer whose 90+ parents lived in their own home until mom had a bad series of falls and hitting head. She is in full blown dementia and Her dad has 24 hour caregivers to stay in their home about $10k a month. Medicare does not pay nursing home board. Medicaid only beds unless you private pay for about 2 years in advance are shared room and not top of the line homes. Not all facilities accept Medicaid. Medicaid will not cover 24 hour care at home, only a portion of hours. Is sis willing to keep dad at home with her for the penalty period if you gift and dad needs help tomorrow? Not only that but as your dad's POA you answer to his needs, not siblings. Too bad and you cannot gift your part of the split under your POA as that is looking out for you, not dad. Say no now, you will have a bumpy ride. Read threads about siblings that care about inheritance rather than parent care. Eye opening.
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I would just tell her that the money belongs to Dad until he passes. Then whatever is left over of the estate will be distributed. I could use your sister's logic to distribute some of my mother's money now, but it wouldn't be right. Chances are she will need that money, so I wouldn't do it. (Nor would my brothers want me to.)
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As POA, it is your legal responsibility to act in your father's best interest. That comes ahead of satisfying a greedy sibling. Do your duty!
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hello1951, guestshopadmin is right in her first post, as my Dad was in for a surprise at the cost of having around the clock professional caregivers, he's in a panic now selling stock to keep enough money in his checking to pay for caregivers. My Dad, who had saved big time for these rainy days is afraid he won't have enough money if he lives another 4 years, which would make Dad 98.

Your sister needs a crash course in elder care financing, Medicare, and Medicaid. And the behind the scene cost of other budgeted items for an elder. Something as simple as Depends can crash one's budget as they are very expensive. The cost of Boost or Ensure isn't anything to shake a stick at. Then what if your Dad needs a hospital bed? The top of the line could be $10k.

So stand your ground, Dad money is only going to himself. Yes he can gift his money to whomever he wants, but that would create a minefield later on if he needs Medicaid. Ask your sister if she would take Dad in if he runs out of money and can't qualify for Medicaid.
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Your dad named you as his POA because he places his trust in you & your judgement to be in his best interests. You are right to be concerned about dads outliving his assets. The costs of care whether it's in a facility or remaining at home with caregivers can be quite staggering. Genworth - which is a market leader for LTC policies - does an annual costs of care report......US average NH private pay room & board costs for private room is 92k annually. Alaska is the highest at $ 281K, yes over a quarter of a M.Where I live, it's 120k - 144k annually & this is just the baseline room & boards costs, there will be all sorts of ancillary medical and supply costs that will be above whatever Medicare or their secondary health insurance pays their physicians and other providers. Home health averages $ 20 hr. When my mom needed home health post rotor cuff surgery, it was a minimum of 4hr time blocks 3X a week....and mom was still very competent and cognitive with home health there to drive her to PT, assist in bathing and household things she couldn't do, lift, etc post surgery. The costs of oversight & caregiving once dementia gets into the middle & later phase will just increase. What often happens is that at home costs can actually be more expensive than having them in a facility.

I do hope your dad has the funds to never need to apply for Medicaid. But if not, realize that for eligibility the degree of financial history is pretty exacting and can go back 5 years from the date of the application. That 35K if gifted to Sissy or others would need for no medicaid application till 2021 in order for it not to be an issue. Any real property dad owns (cars, home, land) will have to be disclosed. The state can easily run a match-up by his name or SS# on any transfers and to the penny. Transfer penalties are not uncommon and it will be the POA who ends up saddled with dealing with it. If dad were to say get a transfer penalty for that 35K, could youprivate pay to the NH for dad for the penalty period??? Remember dad will have to spend down assets & become basically impoverished in order to be apply & eligible for Medicaid.

So realistically dad would need somewhere mid-six figures to be able to pay the costs of care without needing to apply for medicaid. And dad will need to also have whatever funds are needed to pay on his home and any other property he owns if he hopes to be able to have them inherited as per his will OR pay for their mainteneance & costs till they they are sold if they need to be sold to pay for his care. Does dad have maybe 400 - 700K? Really take a hard look at the figures before any gifting.
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You are abiding by the LAW, tell your sister if she does not like the LAW, to go to court and demand her portion immediately. The Judge will probably send her for psychiatric evaluation.
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Reinforcing what others have written, your obligation is to your father to manage his assets in the best way possible for him, not for the heirs, until that time comes.

I might also address the issue of financing with your sister the next time she asks for money to put a stop to her demands and tell her that you couldn't even consider her request without a plan by which she and the other siblings put in escrow funds for your father's care, which you would manage, as well as commit of their time to help care for him. If she hears this a few times, it might stop her.
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What a loaded conversation about the money. Really, $400K is not that much if he were to need long-term care. It will be a good nest egg for him if he should need it. Good job holding onto it for him. I hope that it continues to go smoothly. Your stance that it will be for his care and that anything left over will be distributed according to his will is a very good stance. It doesn't sound like your sister is hurting for money, and the "government" is not going to seize the money for nursing home care. The only people getting money will be the nursing home, either from your father's account or from Medicaid. To not have any money left in the account and to not be able to qualify for Medicaid would be a problem.

It sounds like your sister is counting eggs to me, thinking they look like baby chicks. You've done a good job trying to hold her back. I hope your father doesn't let her in the door. I have a feeling it would not go well.
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