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Forum member is trying to cope with serious and persistent sexual harassment in her workplace by a 92 year old AD sufferer. How should she handle the situation? Would she be right to walk out? Do you blame the patient for the problem?

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It's not the fault of the AD patient, any more than it's the fault of an untrained dog. That doesn't mean you can't do things to try to stop it. I'm not sure of the details of the story. Personally, I would firmly scold such behavior, and leave the room. I would threaten to report him to my boss or to his wife or daughter. An AD patient "can't learn," but that's not 100% true.

If he can't or won't stop when confronted, he may belong in a psyche ward.
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Just because the person is being inappropriate does not mean they still don't deserve good care...some caregivers can handle situations like this... some can not... when I first started working with G, he was 'testing' me....He would pull the top of my scrubs down.. and say something inapproapriate... I would simply remove his hand and continue what I was doing...The third time... I took his hand... firmly but not harming him... and made him look me in the eye... I told him NO... that is not how you treat me.... has never happened again... he says things sometimes, but I either laugh it off or ignore him..... there is NO touching I will allow.... not the inappropriate kind....so maybe she needs another caregiver....

You have been given many suggestions on the medical side of this... apparently his anxiety is manifesting itself in this way.... hopefully some of the suggestions here will help.... but it is never the care receivers fault in the case of Alz....... their filters are gone.....
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She should report the problem to her supervisor, not walk out. If nothing is done, file a complaint with the EEOC and things will get better. I don't blame the patient, but I don't excuse him either. If he needs to be in a psych unit, so be it.
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I understand this difficult question and can only offer my two cents: I would be to ask the doctor for drugs to sedate him. His behavior will harm others if you don't.
My FIL did not have dementia but...... after he hit 90 yrs old, his comments became more and more inappropriate. I was afraid to take him out to a restaurant etc because he thought he was funny but .................definitely came across as a dirty old man. He lived with me for his final 6 months and I really didn't take him out much. That was okay because his wife (alzheimers) was living here too and I couldn't really take her out either. Between his inappropriate sexual comments and her stubborn, ill-tempered dementia behavior...................I just waited it all out.
He died 8 weeks ago and I am so glad. Now I only have one person living with me here in the twilight zone lol
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Eight hours later… doesn't look like anybody else knows the answer either! Thank you, Jeanne, thoughtful and balanced and kind as always.
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This is really a heartbreaking situation, and one that doesn't seem to have good solutions.

The husband of a member of my caregivers' group was pretty well behaved at home, but exhibited unacceptable behaviors at the day care center. Understandably they could not have him disrupt the entire group, so they "expelled" him. Now what could she do? Does she have to be tied to him 24/7? She loved him greatly, wanted the best for him, wanted to keep him home as long as possible, but needed some respite! And we've also had members whose loved ones were in facilities and were uncomfortable or at risk from the behavior of other residents. No one wants their mother to fear her NH neighbors, but nobody wants their father to be kicked out.

People who are totally uncontrollable may need to be in a psych facility of some kind. But do smutty comments and verbally coming on to a caregiver qualify as totally uncontrollable? Surely no caregiver should be subjected to that, but then how will the poor guy with dementia be cared for?

In this particular situation, which involved a filthy environment as well, I'd say the man might be better off in a care center capable of handling those with dementia. With multiple care providers (presumably with training) they may be better able to deal with him, and at least he would be in a clean, safe environment. Perhaps a male aid could handle his bathing and toileting help.

Or maybe this guy should have a male caregiver if he is to stay in his own home.

But sometimes the inappropriate behavior is screaming, striking out, making threats, etc. and changing the gender of the caregiver would not improve anything.

Medication can help with extreme agitation. I think a doctor should be consulted about any unacceptable behaviors. But that isn't a sure-fire solution.

I do not blame the patient for the problem.

I do not blame the caregiver for walking out of this private-home situation.

Some caregivers might be able to laugh it off, make a joke of it, chalk it up to the dementia, be stern when the behavior arises, and get on with the job. But I hardly think that can be a job requirement.

You raise a very interesting topic, Countrymouse, and although I have given it thought over the last few years, I don't see a great solution.

I'm looking forward to reading other responses.
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