Disgusted by MC facility I toured today. Any advice?

Your sister is lucky to have you watching out for her well being. The first place you visited sounds like a nightmare! My only suggestion is to keep looking. Take this time to learn about the various facilities and your options. I think it took me about six months to learn about and find the right place for my mom. Another thing to consider is board&care. Where I live they are AL/MC in homes in residential neighborhoods. They are state licensed for up to six residents. My mom 86 has dementia. I just placed her in board&care a couple weeks ago. The cost is $4,000 per month. There are only four residents there now so mom gets lots attention from the caregivers. Best wishes in finding a place for your sister.

Any MC that allows smoking should be an instant no go

"I am feeling more trapped than ever.
I hope my venting has not offended anyone here. This my first post on any kind of support forum."

tiredsister, I've been in your shoes, so I completely understand how you feel: trapped, overwhelmed, burn out, hopeless, resentful, angry, etc.

Vent away! Don't worry about offending anyone here. Most people on this forum understand.

Don't give up on your search. I agree with Natasana, look for smaller residential homes instead where there are about 4-6 residents in each home. You can also widen your search for places further away. If they are further but good, then they are worth the drive.

Good luck. Meanwhile, vent away...

Thank you to all who responded for your encouragement to keep looking, and for your kind support for my feelings (that alone brought on the tears), which makes it clearer to me how badly I need help to do right by my sister.
I'm going to call today to make an appointment to meet with one of the senior care counselors at my county Aging Resource Center. I hope they can guide me step by step through this process. I am very overwhelmed right now, making it harder to see alternatives and choices clearly.

Thanks, again, to people here for responding in my moment of need.

Keep looking! Don’t give up. Even if you have to venture out to another location.

Best of luck to you in your search.

I hope you’ll report the disturbing conditions you witnessed at the bad place. You may not be heard, but then again you may be a huge help to someone else. And continue to look, the right arrangement is out there. Your sister is blessed to have you looking out for her

tiredsister, welcome to the forum. So sorry to read that one visit to Memory Care was not a positive one. Thankfully such places are far and few between.

In regard to other places on your list, one thing I have noticed is never judge a book by its cover. In my area, there is a wonderful senior facility but one might just drive by because the building looks more like an one story beige brick grade school built in the 1970's. Inside might not be updated, but the Staff was very caring and the place was spotless. My Dad had rehab at this facility and he really liked the place.

So make sure you visit all the senior facilities that offer Memory Care. You will know by your gut feeling if this is the right place or not. And make sure the Memory Care will take Medicaid after using private pay, so you wouldn't need to move your love one again.

That place sounds horrible! Definitely keep looking…

Fyi my mom is in a small MC that is attached to a larger retirement village with varying degrees of living care options. They prioritize admitting people who already lived in other parts of the compound, but leave space for others as able. They don’t advertise the MC and there are a couple rooms available. They are also WONDERFUL people. For this reason it might be worth checking out other MCs that are imbedded in other facilities. They can be hidden gems.

Also worth asking how long the director has been there and staff turnover rate. If you find a place with low turnover you’ve most likely founds something good! Mom’s place doesn’t have all the bells and whistles but the staff and director have been absolutely planted there and their kindness is golden.

Blessings and good luck to you!

Just keep looking. When I was touring assisted living places for my father I went to one that advertised a lot. Placed was gorgeous on the outside, looked like a 1920s insane asylum on the inside. Couldn't get out there fast enough. We looked at a lot of places. Most were nicer than we expected. I am surprised at the prices your found, much cheaper than in my area.

Yes, memory care is dreadfully expensive, and in my own area, while many/most facilities are absolutely beautiful, clean, and even well staffed, the cost can go as high as 20,000 a month, and medicaid is not accepted. Cost of ALF is closer to 10,000 a month. These are private facilities. Cost in Palm Springs, at the other end of our state, for like beauty and cleanliness and care 4 years ago (my brother's admission time) was closer to 5,000 for level I (self care) in ALF and 10,000 for MC per month in same facility. They were well staffed, would even walk your dog!

For those without funds and having only their Social Security funds to go to care there is the "nursing home" and they alone are hard to find. While they ARE regulated more than MC and ALF, they are less well staffed, more overwhelmed with care, and have patients who are more total care, more incontinent, less able in any self care.

I am sorry for what you found on your initial exploration, and I hope against hope this is not the norm in your area. It has to be a dreadful shock which has left you feeling hopeless and helpless. I can only advise that you keep looking. Remember to "google" Board and Care. They are often in home, 6 or so patients, often family run, with better food and more homelike atmosphere.

I can't tell you how it saddens me to read your post, to imagine your fear. I hope you will continue to look. I hope you will report your findings to regulatory agencies in your state. I hope you will find something and update us. I welcome you to Forum and am so sad it is under these shocking circumstances.