Am I doing the right thing for my mom?

My mom she is 82 with several health issues including, Pacemaker, pulmonary fibrosis, high blood pressure, familiar tremors and short term memory. She was C-scanned for any other underlying memory issues (or so I was told) and only found an old minor stroke which may account for her memory issues. Trying to sum it up quickly she still drives a few blocks but has got lost 4 times now that I know about recently had a growth removed from her face needs daily changing so I moved her in my home and take her back to her house to check on things. She can not remember things or days and we all see it. She keeps asking when she can go home and why won't I let her stay by herself. I am trying to do the right thing keeping her with us and tell her I am worried about her going back home on her own and being able to take care of herself as she doesn't even microwave a dinner for herself any more. I need a professional to talk with the details to be sure I am doing the right thing. My husband, two grown daughters and two teenagers see what she is doing and say I am doing the right thing for her. I can't find the resources to talk to a professional to assure me I am handling it all correctly. Where can I find one that won't cost an arm and a leg?


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It does seem like you are doing the right thing. I'm not sure what type of professional, other than her doctor, could reassure you, but I do think that if an estate attorney hasn't been consulted for getting you (or someone in your family) a Power Of Attorney for financial reasons and one for health care (a health directive), plus a will, that needs to be done. It will save no end of grief as you move through this.

For reassurance right now, I'd write her doctor a letter explaining what you have told us and see if he or she has other suggestions. You obviously want the right care for her, and now that she has made this move, it may be the time to look to future care. She may possibly stay in her home with hired in-home care, but that may last only for awhile, as her dementia is worsening. If she can't stay with you long term, assisted living may be the next step. She will complain, but she will also have meals and make friends (after adjusting and complaining).

Good luck with it all and please keep checking back. Many people on this site have been through what you are going through.

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