My Mom just entered assisted living with a diagnosis of 3rd stage Lewy Body Disease. She doesn't know her diagnosis as the neuro-psychiatrist said it would be better not to tell her as she can't fix it and he said to never take away hope.
It is really stressful to me right now to "lie" to her when she asks when she's going to come home, to have her talk about driving again and to have her talk about paying her bills when I know her income will go 100% towards Medicaid when its finalized.
Does it get easier? Do I just keep deflecting her and re-directing her? It drives my crazy to have her at the house when I bring her to visit for the day, but when I take her back to the assisted living I feel horribly guilty as I drive away.
I feel like I'm darned if I do and darned if I don't emotionally at the moment. Some days I think it would be ok to have her back at home and as soon as I spend some time with her I realize how bad she can be sometimes. Plus if I bring her home, I lose her spot in the assisted living and there are very, very few opportunities in this area for AL's that take Medicaid........not to mention she would lose the social interaction and health monitoring as I work all day and she would be alone.......
I'm so stressed at the moment!
My presence reminded them of all things “home” and the past.
Your doing the right thing. It’s a huge adjustment. Stick with it, take a step back, it will,get better.
https://mollysmovement.com/
He and his mom hoped the videos would help other families affected by the disease.
we really do the best we can. its easy to look back and see what we could have done different. and second guess our decisions. but remember no one is perfect. and im sure your dad knows that you meant no harm to him. I had a regret about my dad. cause he was on hospice and he was breathing very hard. and I didn't know that I should have called hospice for meds to relax his body. I felt bad, but I just didn't know. I ended up getting help, but I still felt bad.
It reminds me of when I would leave my son at daycare while I was at work. I hated it and I hated when he would cry as I left. But I knew he was in good hands and being cared for and when I would occasionally peek in unexpectedly I could watch him playing and having a great time with his friends and the staff. Its just so weird to be doing the same thing with someone who actually raised you from a child......I'm so used to my Mom being an authority figure that its really hard to adjust to her becoming more and more child like and switching roles.
Talkey we do the best we can. I really don't think this is a one size fits all kind of thing. We have to be able to adjust and be flexible as each situation arises. Either way is really hard and has its own pitfalls. Hugs.
Marcia I will check out those videos. The more I know the better I can respond to her I think.
Windy I'm trying to step back and this vacation will help do that. Mom is going with her group to a Casino today. I hope she has fun. She kept asking me to go and I just said "No, I have to work. You go and have fun". She asked to go on vacation with us too and I just said "That would be great, maybe some other time when we can plan better." I"m working on it!
God Bless you too Sonny. You are right, so many paths and yet there are a lot of similarities as well as differences. Its like an all you want to eat buffet, take what works and pass on by what doesn't!
I'm more calm today and even more so thanks to all of you! Thank you!
it does get easier over time. just remember she is being taken care of. and when you visit make sure of that. I feel really lucky my moms in a great place. but that doesn't mean I ignore her or don't make sure any abuse or whatever is happening.
BUT even now after my mom being in AL since 2011, there are still ups and downs.
and I still feel bad when I leave each time. I try to make my visits good each time I go. my mom seems pretty happy. she is 88 and her dementia makes her forget anything after about 60 seconds.(+/-)