My husband is only 42 years old and had a severe traumatic brain injury. While in the hospital he had to undergo two brain surgeries and on numerous occasions was not expected to live. Miraculously he survived and now we have been thrown into a completely different level of hell. He was discharged from the hospital to an acute rehabilitation facility where they were told he was going to go home to the care of his mother. The day he arrived I let the rehab facility know that it is impossible for his mother to take care of him, she is 72 years old and is need of help herself and I moved out of state with our children just two months before my husband's accident. I am unable to provide the level of care that he needs with two toddlers running around. The discharge planner at the rehabilitation hospital has done nothing during his stay other than try to force his elderly mother take him home and now they are threatening me with a bill since his insurance ran out.
I have exhausted myself trying to find other rehab care for my husband who has mental as well as physical disabilities now and the discharge planner keeps telling me that there is not one nursing home in all of los angeles that will take him because he is so young. I also just got my husband accepted by Medi-Cal which it is my understanding will pick up his long-term care bill as long as its a Medi-Cal facility.
I may also need to explain that my husband is also a severe alcoholic and that is why I took the children and left a few months before his accident. Even if I were physically able to I don't think I can emotionally care for my husband or ask my children to be in the same house with him again. What can I do? Does anyone have any advice? They can't kick my husband out on the street if they can't find a nursing home for him can they? I feel so lost.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
Even if hubs is not suitable (because of h i s condition) to be present for his kids, there would have to be a court order to allow you to live in a different state from him.There would most likely need to be supervised visits or some other arrangement concerning his protected parental rights. Or, the two of you could agree on a custody agreement with a lawyer.
Perhaps the Mother (grandma) could assist with visitation, but are you all in the same place now? We could help better with just a bigger picture. How are you living?

How are your children holding up?

Can you have a friend make some of those calls for you? You seem strong when you talked about getting him on Medi-Cal.
Helpful Answer (0)

The following are some of the organizations that provide services to families dealing with Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) in California:

The Traumatic Brain Injury Services of California (link is external) (link is external)

The TBI Services of California is a network of seven service providers throughout the state offering a variety of services to survivors of TBI including community reintegration, service coordination, supported living, vocational supportive services, information & referral, and public/professional education.

California Caregiver Resource Centers
(800) 445-8106

The 11 California Caregiver Resource Centers serve every county in the state and provide assessment, resources and services to family caregivers of people with brain injuries.

Disability Rights California (link is external)
Sacramento, CA
(800) 776-5746 (link is external)

Disability Rights California advocates, educates, investigates and litigates to advance and protect the rights of Californians with disabilities.

California Department of Rehabilitation (link is external)
Sacramento, CA
(916) 263-8981 (link is external)

The California Department of Rehabilitation provides services to people with disabilities including vocational rehabilitation and an assistive technology loan program. The website also lists all of California’s Independent Living Centers.
Helpful Answer (0)

1) File for divorce to protect your assets and children.
2) There are many places for TBI patients in L.A. Some, permanent live-in.
And there are famous rehab. Casa Colima?
3) Contact The State of California, Department of Rehab first.

Recalling that TBI hit the news hard this past year due to the high profile cases of professional athletes. I think they can get better. There is hope. Due to the publicity, there are more resources.

And any age is treated. The discharge planner is just wrong.

Another advocacy: Center for healthcare rights, by phone appointment.

Is your husband prior to his accident a resident of Los Angeles County?

Sorry, asking to expedite your search.....I apologize if this is sensitive:  Was your husband's accident the result of a suspected suicide attempt?  Don't answer here, but if so, there are psychiatric facilities combined with TBI treatment, don't lose hope.  Do you now reside in L.A.?

Your goal could be, with the focus on yourself and the children living independent from him......
to be his temporary advocate to arrange care for him, not to live with him.

Hope this gives you a place to start.
Helpful Answer (0)

1)  Independent Living Center of Southern California (ILCSC);
2)  Fair Housing Council of San Fernando Valley (FHCSFV);
3)  Communities Actively Living Independent and Free (CALIF) 

These 3 disability housing advocates have received an influx of funds to provide accessible housing to residents of the greater L.A. area.  Including the TBI Community.
Helpful Answer (1)

My thoughts right now are that you might need to find a facility specifically dealing with TBI. Check "Rehab Institute" of a city or major cities either near you, your MIL or where you husband used to live. TBI rehab facilities may be out or inpatient; I don't know that much about them except that I had P/T (for a knee injury) at a Rehab Institute site which also treated TBI patients.

A cousin's daughter worked at a facility which dealt primarily with TBI patients, but that was in another state.

If you call, ask if they can recommend any in-patient facilities, or have any suggestion, for other facilities that will take Medi-Cal.

Another option is to find out from the hospital which neurologist treated him, call that doctor's offices and see if his staff (office manager) have any recommendations. Neurologists might know of a good place where he can rehab.

In our area, hospitals sometimes have advocates to help patients locate services. That's another option.

Large hospitals may possibly even have affiliations with rehab facilities.

Another thought is to contact a long term care ombudsperson either in the LA area, another area, or the state of California. Sometimes they know of resources. A county social worker may help as well.

Just out of curiosity, I googled Rehab Institute of Los Angeles and got a lot of hits, including some that handle addiction issues. I think the discharge planner is "blowing smoke" - I doubt if he/she has been in touch with all the facilities in LA and knows for a fact that they won't take your husband b/c of his age.

Good luck; I hope you find something quickly.
Helpful Answer (1)

I am so sorry that you are going through this, and you are really in the thick of it right now! I know that clammy-crying non-stop-panic feeling all too well. I went through the rehab/nursing home route this past year while pregnant, trying desperately to get things figured out for my father before the baby came. What makes it all even worse is that when you haven't dealt with rehab/long-term care before, it all sounds like gibberish and horrifically scary, because, well, it is! On top of it, you and your husband are incredibly young (a different kind of pain in your heart when it's your spouse than your parent), and you were having marital issues due to his alcoholism. Wow! It's a lot. But I know you can do this, because you have two small kids depending on you, and because you knew enough to find an online resource.

I honestly don't know how it works when someone is so young and you are trying to move them from one rehab facility to another. My only understanding is that once rehab runs out, if a person can't go home, he goes to a long-term care facility. I agree with another person on here that a social worker, perhaps one that is already there, should be able to provide options. If that person isn't helpful, what about the social worker you must have dealt with at the hospital?

From my experience, especially because you're still married, get yourself a lawyer asap. I live in LA (had to deal with out of state legal stuff for parents from afar until we moved them here and then had to deal with legal stuff here) and I don't know if they handle young patient related cases, but much of what they do is in regard to long-term care Elder Care/Medi-Cal and estate planning. Rebecca Goldfarb and Dinh Luu have an office in Tarzana and are compassionate, experienced, and dedicated. If anything, they might have a referral for you here or in your new state. Though expensive, it may save you money down the line. I don't know your financial situation, but I do know that when a person is placed in long-term care, unless you can afford $12K a month, the community spouse's assets are on the line in order for the custodial spouse to get on Medi-Cal (our state's Medicaid). Since you are still married, you need help protecting yourself and your kids financially, while helping your husband get the care he needs. 

You could try calling an ombudsman. I believe they deal with long-term care facilities, but their webpage looks like they might have other resources.

Senior Resources deals with seniors, obviously, but they might have some referrals.

The doctor at my father's east coast rehab center wanted to discharge my dad (in a wheelchair with post-stroke dementia) to my mom's care---my mom in her 70s who had several strokes and could barely walk--before the air medic could come to pick him up and fly him here to the west coast. I told them that it was illegal to discharge someone into an unsafe situation and that I would sue them if they did. Needless to say, it didn't happen. My dad was in their custodial care (after his rehab ended; they had both rehab and long-term care) for four or five days before discharge, so my mom had to pay several thousand dollars for those days of long-term care. Once my dad was moved here, (we had a facility available in time) we were able to get him on Medi-Cal.

I wish I could give you advice specific to your circumstances. But I hope what advice I've given you from my horrific year can at least help you feel like you can breathe and you can get started. Do you have any support? I do hope so. Wishing you strength. You CAN do this!
Helpful Answer (1)

Tell them to find a place for him to live and that place to live is not in your home. If they are not happy with it, tell them to stick it where the sun don't shine and it's gonna be their job to find a nursing home that accepts Medicaid and stick to your guns. It will be tough but good luck.
Helpful Answer (2)

Dear aboehmgarcia,

I'm so sorry to hear about everything you have been through. I know you are doing the best you can. Have you tried talking to a social worker? They normally can help you explore all your options and seek out community resources. No facility will release a patient unless they can confirm he or she has the proper care at home or least that is my understanding. Thinking of you and your family. I know others will have more suggestions.
Helpful Answer (0)

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter