Also he died on my birthday. I`m not able to work, now i have time and more pain. I lost bot parents. Before all my day was with father needs. I feel emptiness and alone because i don`t have friends. I was caregiver twenty years, Any advice?

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Check with your local visiting nurse association or a hospice organization; we have a local VNA that organizes volunteers to spend an afternoon a week visiting with people who are in their program. Most of the patients are ambulatory; no care involved, just company. They have training groups for the volunteers. A friend of mine did this for several years and found it very rewarding.
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I certainly fully understand you. After 13 years of illness my husband died on febr. 19th 2008. The last 3 years he remained in a specialized hospice, being an Alzheimer patient, though he only was around 50 years when the problems started. Still being fully in the mourning process, I heart by back so badly during my job that the 1st of july the same year, was my last working day. Bye bye the people I worked for (I took care of elderly / disabled people at home) and who I all loved, bye bye my colleagues. As the last 13 years had only been caring / visiting my husband, his laundry etc.. and working full-time, I was left without friends, as I had no time before to go out of visit friends. And there I was : not able to go out because of severe pain and several operations without success, no friends, family living too far away to keep close contact.... terrible years. I have looked out for professional help and took time to cry about my husband and my lost job, and than I started rebuilding myself. Take good care of yourself. Prepare and eat decent meals, dress yourself up, go to the hairdresser, get yourself some new clothes, go to the shop every day, instead of once or twice a week. And if possible get yourself a small pet. If dogs are not allowed where you live, than take a cat, or a nice bird. I know it is not easy to find another occupations when for many consecutive years you were kept busy day and night taking care of somebody else. But now IT IS YOU TURN. You have done enough. You can also look for some kind of occupation, so that every day you are busy for a couple of hours. There are so many lonely elderly people. You must not go there for working, no just to have a nice talk with a cup of coffee of tea. Or lighten up the day of a blind person by visiting him / her a couple of times a week and reading the newspaper. May be there is a social worker in your hometown where you can ask the addresses of some organisations where lonely people come together just to have a nice chat about 1000 and 1 things. Wish you lots of strength and courage and close with warm hugs.
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Cannabidiol (CBD) Oil helps so many conditions it's amazing! It will help with ur pain. I urge everyone to research it for urself.

Summer 2013 my Dad had rare bile duct cancer and was given less than two weeks to live on Nov 2014 at hospice. My husband n I administered it to him under his tongue and after 2 days he came conscious and said my name. He is now going to church and is recovering. April 2015. Praise Jesus for CBD oil!!
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jeannegibbs has given you wonderful advice. I have actually found others experiencing what we go thru, on facebook. It's good to "talk it out"...whatever feelings you have are REAL feelings. Emptyness is truely one of the worst after a loss. For over six years now I am experiencing just waiting for my loved one to die. He is a fighter but is taking out his anguish on me. Nothing I do is enough for him; but I understand it, and try hard to remember it's not about me even though my heart breaks every day. Do try to seek out those who are nurturing people, either online, or through counseling sessions. I find that the Wayne Dyer site has been most helpful in getting me back to the normal person I once was before so much tragedy hit our family. And like she said, "Good Luck!" and do come back to us about how you are doing. Be good to yourself now. You have earned that right.
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DD, you've touched a nerve with me. I'm pretty sure I will have no idea what to do with myself at first, either, once my mother passes; so before too long I'll be in the same limbo that you must be feeling. I'm not looking forward to it.

It's only three months, after twenty years, so first of all don't rush yourself - that really isn't very long to grieve and adjust.

You don't say what your disability is but I assume that you've made lots of adaptations so that you can manage day to day life? Then what about reaching out to special interest support groups and organisations and asking for help - perhaps with finding a manageable job, or in any case increasing your social network.

Give yourself time. Perhaps you'll find something that you can really engage with and life will begin to look a lot more positive - I hope so. Best of luck, please keep posting.
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ddunna, give yourself plenty of time to adjust to your new reality. It has only been a few months. Death of a loved one takes time to mourn and get past the most painful parts. Loss of a role which has been your identity for many years is also a huge adjustment and it, too, takes time.

Start by taking good care of yourself. If you are in increased physical pain associated with your disability, be sure to see your doctor and perhaps go to a pain clinic.

Some people find it helpful to go to a grief support group. Others do best with a few session with a counselor.

Do you have a disability case worker? He or she could probably offer some suggestions for suitable social activities.

For the ten years that my husband had dementia my life revolved around taking care of him and working. He died and my job was over at about the same time. Believe me, I know "emptiness and alone" feelings! My suggestion is to take good care of yourself, don't expect to improve your feelings all at once and immediately -- give yourself time, and try very hard not to isolate yourself. Make an effort to be around other people, even if it is only a trip to the grocery store.

Good luck! Come back and talk to us about how you are doing.
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Dd, I am sorry for your loss.

Is there a recreation center with different activities that you could get involved in? Or perhaps a part time job? There are organizations, that will help you to find something that will work for you? Or what about volunteering some time and energy to a nonprofit that you have an interest in? Clubs, like book club? Knitting? Something you have always wanted to do now is your chance.

And yes, it is easy for me to say. I have been caregiver for two people for almost four years. When I am done here, unless there is somthing that is somehow magically conjured up, I think I will just hibernate for at least a couple of weeks.
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